Scene II -- The U2 Forum

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Date Posted: 12:30:21 04/19/00 Wed
Author: Disposable Heroine
Subject: Scene II

The Amazing Adventures of Mystical Javelin Jess & Electric Kamikaze Kylie
featuring U2
written by Mystical Javelin Jess

Episode III - Irish Spice

Scene II

Bono, Adam and Larry catapault themselves through the doors of the men's toilet, landing at the feet of Mystical Javelin Jess and Electric Kamikaze Kylie. They stand with their arms folded, icy expressions on their faces. Mystical taps her foot impatiently. Edge is present too, still scrubbing at his trousers in an effort to remove the suspicious stains.

Mystical: "We've been waiting rather a long time, you know. We have better things to do than stand around in the men's toilets waiting for you goons to show up."
Electric: (utter disgust on her face) "Yeah, this place is a dive."

Bono's face droops.

Bono: "Wha...? I put my heart and soul into this club!"
Electric: "It shows."
Mystical: "Alright boys, here's the deal. You've all heard of the Spice Girls, I'm sure."

Everyone nods.

Electric: "Well, they were due to play a gig tonight, but it turns out they were abducted, by whom no one knows. Girl Power isn't our department, but we have people looking into it."
Larry: "So you want us to help you find out who kidnapped the Spice Girls? Is that what you're saying?"
Mystical: "Not exactly, no. You see, if the Spice Girls don't play their gig tonight, the whole music industry will suffer. The record buying, concert-going public will go into mourning for at least a month - pay-per-view TV will slump dramatically-"
Adam: "Not while Bono's around..."
Mystical: "-and every musical act will almost certainly lose out while Spice fans all over the world recover."
Electric: "It's our job to make sure this doesn't happen. That's where you come in."
Edge: "You want us to fill in for the Spice Girls? Play a benefit gig?"
Mystical: "Well... no... We were thinking you could sort of... pretend to be the Spice Girls."

There are mixed reactions.

Electric: "It would only be a temporary thing, until we've found the real pop stars. You'd just have to do their show in Dublin tonight."
Larry: (clearly outraged) "That's ridiculous! They'd never believe we were the Spice Girls!"
Bono: "Why not? We looked pretty damn fine in the video for One, even if I do say so myself."
Larry: "Yeah, but... Edge is too hairy!"
Mystical: "Nothing a Bic razor wouldn't sort out. Now, come on guys, we've saved your necks often enough. Now it's your turn to repay us. What do you say - are you in?"

Mystical puts her hand out into the centre of the crowd. Electric puts hers on top.

Electric: "Just this once? For us?"

Bono slaps his hand down on top of the heroines', followed by a confident Adam.

Adam: "I'm used to skirts," he says with a grin.

There is a pause. Edge looks embarrassed. He screws up his face. Eventually, he puts his hand in tentatively.

Edge: "Alright, but only if I can be the sporty one and wear a tracksuit."
Mystical: "Agreed. Now - Larry?"

Everyone looks expectantly at Larry. Finally, it becomes too much for the little drummer boy.

Larry: (putting his hand on top) "Oh, alright! But I'll never forgive you for this..."
Electric: "Great! We're all in! I promise, you won't regret this!"

TO BE CONTINUED...

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