Scene III -- The U2 Forum

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Date Posted: 12:31:25 04/24/00 Mon
Author: Disposable Heroine
Subject: Scene III

The Amazing Adventures of Mystical Javelin Jess & Electric Kamikaze Kylie
featuring U2
written by Mystical Javelin Jess

Episode III - Irish Spice

Scene III

9:00pm. The Point, Dublin. Mystical and Electric are waiting backstage outside the Spice Girls' dressing rooms. While they wait for the counterfeit Spices, they take time out to plan Bon Jovi's career for the next 5 years. The job only takes 10 minutes. Finally, they hear the cautious opening of a door. Out steps a tall form decked out in a red tracksuit zipped all the way up to the neck and a pair of trainers. Oh, and a cowboy hat.

Mystical: "Edge! The hat!"
Edge: (defensively) "What?!"
Electric: (in a soothing tone) "Edge, Sporty Spice doesn't wear cowboy hats."
Edge: "But... I can't be seen without my cowboy hat... people will laugh..."
Mystical: "Edge, for God's sake, everyone thinks you're Sporty Spice, they won't think twice about your head. Look, you've even got the ponytail. Now get that hat off."

Edge reluctantly pulls off his beloved cowboy hat to reveal a balding head. But there is a little ponytail lurking somewhere at the back.

Electric: "There. Lovely! I don't know what you were so worried about."
Mystical: "Now let's see that high kick?"

Edge gives an unenthusiastic little kick into the air. The heroines beam. At this moment, there is a loud clattering and banging, and the sound of a door being kicked open. Mystical, Electric and Edge/Sporty whirl round to spy Bono jumping out of his dressing room about a foot in the air. He is clad in leopard print hipster trousers and matching boob tube with 6 inch high platform trainers and a mad curly wig. He growls.

Bono: "Tremble in fear, for I am Scary Spice!"

Mystical, Electric and Edge all close their eyes. Mystical pinches the bridge of her nose in pain.

Mystical: "Oh, Lord. He wore the boob tube."
Bono: (yanking at his top) "What's wrong with that?"
Electric: (turning Bono round and marching him back into the dressing room) "Sorry Bono, but the general public just don't wanna see your belly. I don't think they're quite ready for that."

Bono is about to argue, but Electric shuts the door in his face. Rolling their eyes at each other, Mystical, Electric and Sporty U2 turn around and do a double take as they come face-to-face with a beautiful brunette standing in the doorway. She wears a short, figure-hugging black dress and a pair of black stiletto heels. She even sports a black feather boa around her neck. Her make-up is perfectly applied to her face - long, dark lashes, arched eyebrows and pouty lips - and her dark hair sits in a bob on her shoulders. The heroes only recognise the elegant young women when she reaches into her black Gucci handbag and produces a cigarette. She lights it, takes a long drag on it, and blows the smoke out in a sexy, sultry fashion.

Edge: "Adam - is that you?"
Adam: "Yes - I have decided to be Posh Spice."

Everyone's mouths gape open as Adam struts over with practiced grace.

Mystical: (lost for words) "But... but... but... you're gorgeous!"
Electric: "I'm jealous..."

Adam merely smiles and puffs contentedly on his ciggie. The other three just stare at him for several minutes, until the door to Bono's dressing room is opened once more and the singer reappears.

Bono: (twirling) "How's this?"

Bono has now opted for a leopard print bra top instead of the boob tube. The heroines are aghast.

Electric: "How is that any better than the first outfit?!"
Bono: "Well... I like this one more." The heroines are about to interrupt, when Bono butts in. "Look, can't I just wear this? Please? I wouldn't be convincing as Scary Spice unless I had something skimpy on. And I have waxed." Bono bats his eyelashes hopefully.
Mystical: (quietly consorting with Electric) "Aw, bless him, I feel kinda sorry for him. He's desperate to be fashionable. And he did go to all the trouble of hair removal."
Electric: (sighing) "Alright, he can wear the bra. If anyone asks, we'll just say that Scary hasn't been working out as much since she had Phoenix."

Bono lets out a whoop of joy, then spots Adam/Posh. He slides up hopefully.

Bono: "Hello... what's your name, gorgeous?"
Adam: "Adam Clayton... gorgeous."

Bono shrieks.

Bono: "Woah! You nearly had me fooled there..."

Meanwhile, the heroines have been wondering what's happened to Larry. Mystical bangs loudly on his dressing room door.

Mystical: "Have you died in there or something? Come on, everyone's waiting for you!"
Larry: "I'm not coming out."
Mystical: "Yes, you are, we're on stage in 5 minutes!"
Bono: "Yeah, hurry up Larry, it's nippy out here in this bra!"

After a short pause, Larry pokes his head around the side of the door.

Larry: (close to tears) "I look silly."
Electric: "I'm sure you don't Larry. Not as silly as Edge."

Edge pouts and zips his tracksuit up even further.

Larry: "Everyone's going to laugh at me."
Electric: "We'll make sure they don't. Come on Larry, be a brave boy for us."

Larry gives in and steps outside. Larry is perfect as Baby, complete with a pastel pink baby doll dress and white platform sandals, plus a blonde wig tied into pigtails with pieces of ribbon. He has, however, had a hard time covering up his bulging muscles, and the dress hugs him rather unfortunately in the crotch region.

Adam: "Um... I hate to spoilt things, but don't you think they'll rather guess that Larry isn't a Spice Girl?"
Mystical: "Well we haven't got time to worry about that now. He'll just have to cross his legs a lot. You all remember the dance routine?"
U2: "What dance routine?"
Mystical: "Uh, never mind. Okay, Electric and I will be standing just off stage, prompting you if you don't know what to do next. Remember, compared to the PopMart shows, this whole thing should be a walkover. Ready? Let's go kick some ass."

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Replies:

Re: Scene III -- Jason, 18:41:21 04/24/00 Mon
- Re: Scene III -- Aea, 15:25:35 04/25/00 Tue
  - Re: Scene III -- Jason, 17:02:14 04/25/00 Tue
    - Re: Scene III -- Aea, 14:56:05 04/26/00 Wed
      - Re: Scene III -- Jason, 17:37:03 04/26/00 Wed