| Subject: delle (r) |
Author:
A4
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Date Posted: 15:50:05 09/14/03 Sun
In reply to:
~d
's message, "Christmas Snapshots (working title)" on 14:19:04 09/14/03 Sun
I'm not sure I'm going to give you the answers you want, or need, but I'll give it a try. I might just end up making myself appear the fool.
I really like this. The premise *IS* good, and like everything you do, its done well.
I don't think there's too much "tell". I think its the nature of the beast, in this case - a lot of the intial story part has to be tell, because you're laying out the mission, and you have Operations doing that, and Michael learning his role.
I think you get far more into show in the later two chapters, where we're seeing more of Michael over a longer period of time..and there's less we need to be told, and more of Michael we're interested in seeing. Does that make sense?
Does the story maybe need a little work? Yea. I think maybe aspects of it can be "fiddled" with so that they read better and so that there is slightly less tell.
Do I think you have reason to worry about that? No. 'Cause I've seen your finished (semi-finished?) product on other things, and this is just a step in the road. And part of your discomfort with it migbt be because you feel like you're forcing it??
Feeling bogged down and frustrated comes across in writing - or, at least, I think it does in mine, so I bet it does in yours. Or, it at least comes across in how you FEEL about the writing....
It's really good delle, and I"m looking forward to seeing more of it.
The only thing I can suggest, is what I think is some of your own advice - walk away from it a bit, and come back and look at it from a fresh perspective ;)
Jen
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