Comments (r) -- Data Retrieval and Verification

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Subject: Comments (r)

Author:
Nestra

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Date Posted: 12:09:01 09/15/03 Mon
In reply to: ~d 's message, "Christmas Snapshots (working title)" on 14:19:04 09/14/03 Sun

I like the premise too.

The excerpts from the letters - I don't know. They seem a little shaky to me, and I'm not sure if that's because we saw so little of Elena, I don't have much of a feel for her character voice.

I like the little differences in your Michael that tell us this is an earlier time, a slightly different character with different reactions and perspective.

I agree with Athena - I don't find it too "tell". It's hard to judge the pace without the eventual rest of the story, but I don't think you have any reason to be discouraged.

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