Re: Bereft (or Bereaved, can't pick) - Revised -- Data Retrieval and Verification

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Subject: Re: Bereft (or Bereaved, can't pick) - Revised

Author:
shrift

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Date Posted: 18:22:43 04/13/03 Sun
In reply to: Nestra 's message, "Bereft (or Bereaved, can't pick) - Revised" on 21:33:28 04/11/03 Fri

Damn. Now that I see it all together, this story is terribly quiet and creepy.

I like "Bereft" as a title -- it functions on a lot of different levels. Adam, Nikita, his life, even Section as his home -- by the end, it's all been taken from him.

I didn't see anything technically wrong with the story, so I'm fairly useless to you as a beta, but I'll see what I can dig up for you.

The sun had been shining in Brussels, bouncing exuberantly off the small casket

For some reason, "exuberantly" gave me pause. Dunno why, exactly. Maybe I just can't hear Michael say it. Maybe I'm on crack. Joyously? Brightly? Huh.

Yeah, I'm probably just on crack.

Nikita had abandoned the policy of recruiting prisoners

And that's SO like Nikita. Perfect. Also really dig Michael thinking of Section as home, because it HAS been that for him, hasn't it?

He spent most nights with Nikita, in her Section quarters, making love to her, and trying to forget what the sun looked like in Brussels.

And damn, that's a good line right there.

Totally dig your description of Walter's nervous habits. It reminds me exactly of how Walter used to act when something was hinky.

Excuse me?" she snapped. "You've been out of the field and sitting on your ass for a month while I've been working sixteen and eighteen hours a day. What have I been lying about?"

Would Nikita say "ass"? I honestly can't remember, so this isn't a nitpick so much as a, "Damn, I can barely remember her frelling speech patterns. I suck."

She sank back onto the bed, clutching her shirt in her white-knuckled hands like a child might hold a precious stuffed animal.

Awesome image there. Dude.

Love the repetition of Michael's line, "You killed my son."

Um. I guess that's it. Other than the fact that your story is evil and I loves it.

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[> [> Subject: Wow!! Dana...(r)
Author: Jaron [ Edit \| View ]	Date Posted: 19:40:27 04/13/03 Sun I read this with a growing sense of horror at what was unfolding. This is perhaps one of the most disturbing fanfics I've ever read. That is a good thing because I like edgy, and this was definitely edgy. I loved it. And, may I say...Poor Michael. He's living his worst nightmare. Now what? [ Post a Reply to This Message ]