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Subject: comments


Author:
jean
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Date Posted: 21:52:07 07/03/02 Wed
In reply to: Nestra 's message, "Identity Crisis (Part 2)" on 07:22:27 07/03/02 Wed

It's not the most original diversion, but he didn't have much time to come up with something.

...come up with something...what? Plausible/interesting/original/developed? I expected some adjective there.

It seemed like something he would be able to do, so he'd taken lessons a few years ago.

I'd use Mick's name. ..something Mick would be able to do, so he'd taken lessons... He, the actor.

"Hey," she says."

Typo: end quotes.

"Better than I was, I guess. I…don't remember a lot about the past few weeks. She looks up then, finally meeting his eyes.

Typo: missing end quotes.

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Author:
Athena
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Date Posted: 21:06:00 07/05/02 Fri

I'm not finding much of anything in here that needs changing. Anything that does, it looks like jean caught.

But. When Mick makes his original proposition about dinner to Nikita.. he talks about his "Mum" coming. With a "U".. Later, when he's on the phone.. he's calling her "Mom". With an "O". May sound trivial, but the pronunciation is in fact different. You may want to change the second ones to "Mum"...

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