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Date Posted: 20:42:06 02/09/00 Wed
Author: The Joker
Subject: The HWF Savior Speaks!





***The camera comes back from a commercial break to find a peaceful scene. Beautiful green grass and trees flowing in the wind prevail in the background, and eventually a limousine pulls up. The cameraman runs to the door and it opens. The Joker steps out and looks around. The camera zooms out, showing the Joker walking in his Jokerholics Anonymous shirt. He looks into the camera, then looks straight ahead as the camera looks forward to see what he is looking at. A huge banner is hung from a building, reading “Jokerholics Anonymous Meeting”. The Joker pushes open a door and screams immediately come, cheers for the HWF savior. The Joker frowns at the people, then raises his arms to the roar of the people. As the Joker approaches a podium, dozens of signs wave in the air. The Joker stands at the podium and begins to speak.***

Joker: “Welcome…to…Jokerholics Anonymous…is…Joker!”

***The people cheer uncontrollably as the Joker smiles. He raises his hand and they stop.***

Joker: “Now, I’ve done a lot of thinking, and I’ve decided that it’s time for me to do something that I never thought I’d have to do. I’ve decided that I am going to have to…kick some pathetic jobber’s ass on Hardcore Thursday!”

***The fans cheer and chant, “Go! Joker! Go! Go! Joker! Go!”***

Joker: “Thank you! Thank you. Now, I’ve already spoken on this subject, but it’s come to my attention that I have to face Hardcore Jay in a Junkyard Match. Now, Hardcore, I know that a Junkyard match is a very dangerous type of match. Dangerous for you, that is. If you don’t recall, the Joker’s debut match was in a Junkyard match. Now, Hardcore, you might have more experience than I do in matches, but I have one thing that you don’t have. I have talent. Now, Hardcore, you might have had the Hardcore Tag Titles with your much more talented brother, Jay Man, for about three thousand years, but you need to realize that you are not Television Championship material. Hardcore, please tell me that you are going to quit sometime soon. I mean, everyone knows that you are ancient and that at any moment you are going to keel over and die of a heart attack. But you need to realize that I am going to end your career. During our match, I am going to beat you so hard that you are going to die right there in the middle of the ring, and as your blood pours across the ring, as your blood washes over the ground, you will realize that your time is short. As those EMT’s rush out from the back to help you to the ambulance, you will realize that signing the match was your final mistake. Your final mistake is going to be the end of you. I am going to tear you apart on Hardcore Thursday Night. I am going to rip you limb from limb, I am going to pluck each and every blood vessel out of your body, and then I’m gonna tie you up with those blood vessels. I’ll pick up your arms and beat you over the head with them. And Hardcore Jay, I’m going to beat you like you have never been beaten before! You are going to be dragged across the arena like a ragdoll, thrown through tables, nailed with chairs, and you know what? I am going to love every single minute of it! I am going to love every single damn minute that you bleed! I am going to relish every drop of blood that rolls down your face! And I am going to feel your bones snap as I break you in half! Hardcore Jay, you need to realize that you are just not good enough to beat me. You want to fight me? You want to fight the Joker? You want to fight the HWF savior? Well, you’ve got it. This Thursday, you are going to be beaten like never before. And I am going to end your career. Now, I listened to your latest promo, and it seems that you don’t quite understand the rules of a Junkyard match. The first person out of the Junkyard wins, no pinfalls or submissions inside of the Junkyard, moron. Remember that.”

***The Joker smiles cruelly and the fans erupt. He taps the microphone and the crowd shuts up.***

Joker: “Now, onto White Devil. White Devil, you talk trash about the New World Disorder, then you just drop it like nothing happened? Well, I’ve got news for you, this isn’t WCW. You can’t just stop things and then pretend they didn’t happen. Your words, White Devil, were fighting words. And if you know the NWD, then you know that we never, eeever, back down from a fight. Now, White Devil, tell you what. You want a fight? You got it. Any time you want. Enough about that pathetic jobber. Now, Maxim Reality. Maxim, you think that you intimidate anyone? Well, I must admit, your interviews are quite long and quite impressive, but I must say, a lot of the stuff you say is quite…well…redundant. Now, I respect you as a wrestler, and if you weren’t such an idiot, I might actually ask you to be my tag partner, but seeing as how you’re a “playa” I won’t even bother asking. Now, Maxim Reality, you talk about how I disappeared before the Pay-Per-View. Well, you are right there. But tell you what. You think you’re the number one contender? Prove it. This Monday in the Number 1 Contender match-up, you try to prove your spot. If you win, congratulations. But if I win, you have to shut your large mouth. Now, Maxim, you said that I used to be a great wrestler, but I lost a step. That’s true. I’ve been pressed for time lately. But I’m not gonna make excuses. From now on, I am going to be completely focused. You crippled Corey Reznor at the Pay-Per-View, but once that ankle heals, you better watch your back. I understand that you are a very “busy” man, but you’d better recognize that you are gonna have to work hard if you want to beat one of the New World Disorder’s top performers. Now, I back Reznor, McBain, and Blade 100% in everything that they do, but I must admit I am a bit unnerved by their actions as of late. I mean, both Blade and Reznor are both out, leaving McBain and myself to carry all of these shows. Monday Night Snore, Hardbore Thursday, the New World Disorder carries all of these shows. And these shows are only going to get better, because the talent in the HWF is even better than it has ever been. All this talent, yet the NWD still has to raise the ratings. I see that the Establishment has reformed, no doubt in a desperate attempt to stop the NWD’s reign of terror. But that isn’t going to happen. Because the NWD is stronger than any other alliance in the HWF today.”

***The Joker pauses again and looks out into the audience. A little boy runs up and asks for the Joker’s autograph. The Joker signs his book, then keeps talking.***

Joker: “Now, apparently there is some new guy who thinks that he can interrupt the Joker. I mean, I was talking about Vandal and all of a sudden this guy walks out and raises his arms, scares the crap out of Lawler, and then leaves. Now, pal, I don’t know what your problem is, but if you want some, come get some. You know what? I’ve got nothing else to talk about. Hardcore Jay, see you tomorrow.”

***The Joker walks out of the room, a pissed off look on his face. The camera fades as the fans are confused.***

***The camera fades back from the commercial, showing the inside of the Joker’s limo. He looks at the camera and begins to speak.***

Joker: “Now, I know that all of you people are wondering just what that was about. I was booked to visit a Jokerholics Anonymous meeting, which I think is a stupid idea. I mean, why should I go. Wouldn’t me going just make their craving for Joker greater? But anyway, lately, there hasn’t been much interesting going on. The only thing new is that there is an overabundance of jobbers here lately. Now, Hardcore Jay has made quite a career out of beating up jobbers. I mean, he hasn’t really beaten anyone worth mentioning. Now, Hardcore Jay, you are damn lucky that I am even going to get in the same vicinity as you. I normally try to stay away from smelly, ugly, vermin like you. But if I have to fight you, then I guess I’ll just have to settle with pounding your ass. Have you ever been thrown through a windshield? Probably. But you’re going to be thrown through more objects on Hardbore Thursday than you have ever been thrown through in your entire career put together. You want to jump off scaffolding? That’s fine. You want to be “hard f’n core”? That’s fine. But there is one thing that you didn’t count on. The Joker is going to walk through the gates of that junkyard and he is going to beat you at your own game. The Joker is going to prove that he can be hardcore if he wants to be. The Joker is going to prove that he can be just as sick and twisted as Hardcore Jay. Well, Hardcore, you are not as hardcore as you claim to be. I mean, you’ve been beaten by just about everybody. And come Thursday, you are going to be beaten by me, inside of that junkyard. I’ll drop your ass through a car, maybe a windshield, maybe a stack of tires, but the bottom line is, I am going to leave that junkyard as the victor. I am going to leave that junkyard, and my arm will be raised against the dark sky as you are left lying in a pool of your own blood. Hardcore Jay, it is going to be extremely hard for you to walk after I beat you. Because I can go step for step with you, Hardcore. I can go step for step, toe to toe with the greatest athletes in the HWF. But you know what, Hardcore Jay? You need to realize that you are not one of the top athletes in the HWF today. I am going to have the easiest time beating you. I am just going to beat you senseless and you are going to have to be checked into the hospital when I am done with you. You might be “hard…f’n…” but I’m “hard…to f’n…beat!” So, Hardcore Jay, I hope you wake up and realize that you cannot defeat me. One on one, two on two, two on one, whatever you choose, I’ll still beat you. Hardcore, you need to wake your ass up and hide somewhere. Because you are not going to beat the Joker. You are going to lose like you have never lost before. And your defeat will be at the hands of the Joker. You will be so humiliated that you are going to have to crawl under a rock just to hide yourself from all the marks out there. All these marks out there have chosen the Joker as the clear victor in this match. Because you, Hardcore Jay, are pathetic. You stand no chance against me or any other person who is in the New World Disorder. Hardcore, you are going to fall at the hands of the greatest HWF superstar today. And Hardcore Jay, at Hardcore Thursday, you’re going to have to realize that the Joker, the HWF savior, the HWF chosen one, the true lord of the dance, the new party host, and the HWF Television Champion, will have the final laugh.”

***The camera fades to black…***

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