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Date Posted: 12:37:08 01/28/00 Fri
Author: The Joker
Subject: Ice, Seb Richer, Mankind, read, if you know how to!





***The HaRdCoReTron turns on during a boring match and the entire crowd looks over at the screen. It shows a large white building with many floors. The camera moves in closer, and begins to climb the stairs. Eventually, the camera comes to a door marked, “Jokerholics Anonymous”. The cameraman opens the door to find the room packed with HWF fans. They are all sitting in a circle, and up on a platform high above all of the others sits the Joker. The Joker looks at the camera and begins to speak.***

Joker: “Welcome to….Jokerholics…..Anonymous. I’ve established this little group to help people cope with their obsessions with the Joker. I’ve decided that I’ll sit here on my chair, high above everyone else, while these drunk fans ask me questions and get wanting to meet the HWF savior out of their system. All right……..you.”

***The Joker points at a man, and the man stands up.***

Man: “Well, first of all, Mr. Joker, I’d just like to say what an honor it is to meet you…..”

Joker: “Of course it’s an honor to meet me, slapnuts.”

Man: “Right. Well, anyway, I just wanted to tell you that I really don’t quite understand why you don’t like Mankind so much. I mean, seeing as how he’s the World Champion, shouldn’t you respect him?”

***The Joker rolls his eyes, then answers the question.***

Joker: “Well, as a matter of fact, moron, I do respect Mankind. He’s been main-eventing here for about 8 months, plus he’s had more titles than just about anyone. But there’s one catch. I mean, he’s been around since Moses and the Pharaoh were the Tag Team Champions. The man is old. And on top of that, he is no match for the Joker. I mean, take a look at Mankind. Old, lack of teeth, broken bones, bad knees, ability to be whacked in the head with a chair 27 times without having any damage…..then look at the Joker. Young, he knocks out people’s teeth, he breaks people’s bones, he hurts people’s knees, and he whacks people in the head with chairs 27 times. Mankind, you are damn lucky to even be the World Champion right now. The Ice Man has returned, and now, Mankind, there are more people than ever that will end your title reign. And the person who is at the top of the list to end your career is the Joker. Now, Mankind, you might have brought Cactus Sack back into the HWF, but the nWd isn’t afraid. Cactus, Triple H beat your ass at the Royal Rumble, and at Redemption, I’m going to kick Mankind’s ass. Now, Mankind, you think that you are so great just because you have the World Heavyweight Title. You walk out here and say, “Oh, I am this federation! Oh, I am still here! Oh, I’m a big fat loser!” Well, Mankind, I’ve got news for you. You want to walk through those curtains and go toe to toe with the Joker? Well, you are gonna walk out here, and you can talk about how great you are, and how much you are going to beat me, how much you are going to make me bleed, but Mankind…you must understand that you must succumb to your fears. Fear is your guide. Joker is fear. And Mankind, you should be afraid of the Joker. You might have the experience advantage, but the Joker has the charisma advantage. Mankind, you think that you are going to have the advantage at Redemption 2000 just because you have been here longer than the Joker? Well, first off, no! And second, you need to shut the hell up! You talk about how the Joker is going to go one on two against you and the other opponent, but Mankind, as far as I’m concerned, it doesn’t matter who the hell the Joker is fighting, as long as the Joker gets his hands on that World Title. Mankind, you might have beaten Triple H before, you might have beaten Nyte Jobber, you might have beaten Balla, but when it boils down to it, you cannot beat the Joker. The Joker is going to step through those curtains, and the crowd will cheer their little heads off, because they know that a new World Champion is going to be crowned February Sixth. And it’s not going to be the other opponent. The new World Champion is going to be the HWF savior, the HWF chosen one, and the HWF God. So, Mankind, you might have the advantage because of experience, but you also have the disadvantage. Because, you have my title. And I want it. And I will do anything to get it. Whether I have to make your big fat ass bleed inside that cage or if I have to beat your ass with a chair, I am going to become the new World Champ come Redemption 2000. And it’s No Laughing Matter.”

***The Joker points at another man. The man stands up and begins to speak.***

Man: “Well, Mr. Joker, I was just wondering what your thoughts were on your match with Ice on Monday Night War?”

Joker: “Well, first of all, Ice….welcome back. Second of all, my match with Ice on Monday Night Snore is going to be two things: One, the main event…and two, the ass-kicking of Ice’s career. Now, Ice, you re-debuted a week or so ago, and ever since then, you think that you are a big shot around here. Well, Mr. Ice, you are not the big shot, you are not the chosen one, you are not the HWF savior, you are not….the Joker. Ice, you might have been here long before the Joker, you might be here now, beating up jobbers for the prez, but everyone who has two legs, two arms, and something hanging between their legs knows that you cannot defeat me. You come back for a week, and you are proud of yourself for beating White Devil? Wow! That’s a great damn big accomplishment. I mean, it takes a lot of skill and guts to defeat a worthless jobber like White Devil. But Ice, you finally come back to the home of the Joker, the HWF, and you expect a warm welcome. Well, Ice, the only thing that you are going to get is my warm hand across your face! And Ice, you can talk all you want about being the former United States Champion, but deep down inside, you know that you are never going to hold another singles title, unless it is that worthless jobber title, known as the Hardcore Title. Ice, you have a great trend going on here….you say that you’re back, you never show up….you finally come back, you hang with the openers. The jobbers. The losers. And Ice, might I say….you fit right in. Because, Ice, you might have been a big shot before, but now, you are the scum that sticks to the bottom of the Joker’s boot. You are lower than slime to the Joker. You are a worthless, no-talent, idiotic, ass-kissing jobber. And now that the Establishment is back together, were you invited to join? I think not. Were you even asked about joining? I think not. Do you have any chance of being invited into a stable? I think not. Now, Ice, you can bitch and moan all you want about how you should be higher than the Joker, about how you are better than the Joker, but the Joker has one thing to say about that: shut the hell up! Everyone and their mom knows that you are no match for the HWF Television Champion. You might have been here for awhile, you might have held the United States title a while back, but there is a new breed of superstars around here. The Joker, Corey Reznor, Ryan McBain, and the Vandal are the leaders of the pack now. The Establishment, Team Suck-Up, are here to attempt to take the federation back, but I know, you know, the American people know, that there is no chance. The NWD has got the ball, and damnit, we are running with that damn ball! And the only thing in our way is this “Establishment.” Well, Establishment, you can stand in our way all you want, but eventually, you will crumble. There will be one mistake in your little plan, and when that mistake occurs, the New World Disorder will be there to capitalize on that mistake and destroy this little Establishment. But Ice, back to your worthless ass. Now, Ice, you can come down the ramp, you can climb between the ropes, confidence all over your face, but once that bell rings, anything goes. So if I want to beat your ass with a chair, I do it. If I want to beat your ass with the title belt, I do it. If I just want to kick your ass with my fists, I do that too. Ice, you honestly don’t think you can beat me, do you? I mean, look at yourself. Your finisher is lame, you don’t even have a gimmick, and now you think that you are Television Title material. Ice, you make me laugh. I mean, you are going to walk down the Joker’s ramp thinking that you actually can beat me, and before you know it, you are going to fall victim to one of the most devastating finishers in this sport. Ask the prez how it felt to realize that the Joke’s On You.”

***Another man stands up and begins questioning the Joker***

Man: “Well, Mr. Joker, so far, you seem very confident. But at the Pay-Per-View, you also have to defend your Television Title against Primetime Seb Richer. What are your thoughts?”

Joker: “Well, first of all, slapnuts, you are right about one thing. I’m going to the Pay-Per-View to defend my title. And I am going to leave the Pay-Per-View with my title. Now, Seb Richer comes out here for the first time in about a month, and he actually thinks that he is going to have this Television Title come the Pay-Per-View. Seb Richer, you need to wake up and realize that the Joker is immortal. When you have the talent that the Joker and the New World Disorder has, you have it all. And there is not a damn thing that you can do to stop me, Seb. You attack the New World Disorder from behind, but we’ve outsmarted you many, many times. Seb, your dark attacks are getting a little bit old. And now, you actually think that you impress the Joker? Well, you little jobber, the Joker is not impressed with you. The Joker could care less about you! As a matter of fact, you are not even worthy of the Joker’s thoughts. I mean, you get one title shot, and you immediately think that you are great. Well, Seb, you are not great. The Joker is great. And if you were one of the millions of Jokerholics worldwide, you would know that you have no chance of defeating me. Seb, you cannot even come close to the Joker talent-wise. And Seb, just because you attack from behind, when the lights are out, it doesn’t mean that you can keep this up. Eventually, Seb, you are going to get a dose of your own medicine. And the Joker will dish it out. And when the Joker dishes out the medicine, he shoves the spoon straight down your damn throat. So, Seb, you can keep on thinking that you are going to walk out of the Pay-Per-View with my title, the people’s title, the Joker’s title, but I know, and deep down, you know….that you cannot defeat me. You can talk about it all you want, you can make threats about it, but you cannot come close to beating me. Seb Richer, at the Pay-Per-View, you are going to fall victim to the No Laughing Matter. Then, once you are laying perfectly still on the mat, the Joker will pick you back up, and then maybe, just maybe, if you are lucky, the Joker will take it easy on you. But eventually, Seb Richer, you have to realize…the Joke’s on You.”

***The Joker gets up from his seat and the people who are there stand up and clap. The Joker looks around the room, shakes his head slowly, then the camera fades to black……****

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