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Date Posted: 15:59:00 01/16/00 Sun
Author: The Joker
Subject: Jeff Matthews!






***The lights go out inside of the arena and the Joker’s theme song comes over the speakers. Fireworks shoot from the ceiling and hit the entrance curtain, setting the entranceway on fire. The Joker walks through the flames and raises his Jester’s staff in the air as the crowd boos. He points to his Hardcore Tag Title that is around his left shoulder, then points to the Television Title that is around his right shoulder. He makes a signal to cut the music, then pulls a microphone from his pocket and begins to speak.***

Joker: “Finally, the Hardcore Tag Champion, Television Champion, true lord of the dance, the new party host, and the HWF savior…has arrived. And everyone knows, because it shows, The Joker is not only the world’s greatest Television Champion, but he is also a member of the world’s greatest Hardcore Tag Champs. Now, I have to give credit where credit is due, Team Extreme gave us a run for our money. And I am serious. It was an excellent match, and both teams were tired after the match. So, Team Extreme, I am here right now to let you know that I respect you. And I hope that the respect is mutual. But Team Extreme, just because I respect you, just because I can be professional, doesn’t mean that I am going to ease up on you at any time. Team Extreme, the Joker has to admit, you were great Hardcore Champions. But now, there is a new hardcore era in the HWF. And that hardcore era is the era of X-Raided. The HWF is now prepared for total destruction. And not jus at the hands of X-Raided. The New World Disorder is more powerful than ever, and everyone out in these stands knows it. And now, I was handed the card for Monday Night Snore, and I’ve discovered I’m facing someone named Jeff Matthews. Who the hell is Jeff Matthews? And how the hell did he earn a title shot? Well, thank God, the Television Title is not on the line. Because I know that all of the Jokerholics would hate to see me lose this Title. The Jokerholics, who wait in line to buy tickets to HWF events just to see the Joker. Makes me want to cry…well, not really. Anyway, the Joker knows that the prez has to get everyone booked. And now that the prez has this jobber booked, he matched him up with the main eventer, the Joker. And Jeff Matthews, if for one second, you think that you can defeat me, then you have another thing coming. Jeff Matthews. How the hell did the Joker get signed up against Jeff Matthews? The guy hasn’t cut a promo since his debut, and now he immediately gets a title shot? How the hell does that happen? Now, Jeff Matthews, the Joker understands that you need to be a jobber so you can get paid, but the Joker does not have time for you. And a cage match. Why the hell are we fighting in a cage? Cage, Hell in a Cell, no matter what it is, I am still going to win.”

***The Joker pauses and clears his throat. He looks around the arena, then continues.***

Joker: “And now, I was sitting in my locker room, and I overheard something that made me a little bit confused. Triple X comes out here, and then, amidst his great interview, says that he is going to win the World Title. Triple X, you’re gonna have to wait. Because if anyone in the New World Disorder is taking the World Title, it’s me. And Triple X, trust me, you don’t want to get in my way in my path for the World Title. But Triple X, I don’t want to ruin X-Raided, so I’m just going to leave you with those words. Now, Jeff Matthews, you are going to have to work very hard in the ring with me this Monday. The Joker will not have to work at all, because the people’s choice just raises his title in the air and the crowd goes nuts. The Joker walks through the ramp, the crowd jumps to their feet. Your shriveled little ass walks through the ramp, the crowd doesn’t even acknowledge you. Every single person in the stadium runs to the snack bar once you step through the curtain, saying, ‘this guy sucks!’ And they are right. Jeff Matthews, the second you step through that curtain, I pray to God that you will finally realize what you are going up against. The Joker, the reigning Television Champion. The Joker, the reigning Hardcore Tag Team Champion. The Joker, the man who is going to kick your ass all over the arena on Monday! Jeff Matthews, I don’t think that you quite know what you have gotten yourself into. Jeff Matthews, you don’t quite understand that once you step through those ropes, you are going to be beaten more than you have ever been beaten before. Jeff Matthews, you don’t know you’ve been in a fight until you’ve tangled with me. Jeff Matthews, I am telling you, you will not last from bell to bell in that very ring on Monday night, and you know why? Because I said so! And that’s all I’ve got to say right now about Jeff Matthews!”

***The Joker thinks for a moment, then continues his interview.***

Joker: “Now, onto the returning Maxim Reality. First of all, Maxim Reality, welcome back to the HWF. But the thing that gets to me, Maxim Reality, is that pretty much your entire re-debut promo had to do with how you should’ve beat the Joker at the Pay-Per-View. Well, you didn’t, first of all, and second-of-all, get over it. I was the better man at the Pay-Per-View, I’m the better man now. So Maxim Reality, as much as I hate you, as much as I despise you, I have to admit, I respect you. But respect is personal…professionally, I hate you. If I had my way, you would be dead right now, lying by the road, but the prez wouldn’t let me. So, you’re still here. Now, I’m going to put up with you for the time being, but if you ever, eeever, come after the Joker’s Television Title, you are going to have your ass beaten so badly that your momma’s momma is gonna hurt it. Now, onto the events that have been going on in the HWF this past couple of days. Well, we’ve seen the debuts of several new looks, and we’ve also seen the passing of Extreme Team. Boo hoo. Well, Extreme Team, all I have to say is…it’s about damn time. I mean, you gather the oldest wrestlers in the federation together, make them job every match, and you have Extreme Team. Quite simple. And Extreme Team actually used to be an influential stable. But then the Prime Time Players came along. And then the Prime Time Players were an influential stable. And the New World Disorder came along. And the New World Disorder continues to be the influential stable here in the HWF. Now, I know that a lot of you people out there expect the New World Disorder to crumble sometime in the future, much like Extreme Team and the Prime Time Players. But all of you people are wrong, because the NWD has a bond that is far greater than friendship. We’ve got gold, we’ve got respect for each other, and we all have one main goal: winning as many titles as we can. And so far, we’ve accomplished that goal. But there is one person, Nyte Ryda, who screwed Ryan McBain out of the Intercontinental Title. And Nyte Ryda whined and complained because he thought that his interviews were better, but you know what, ya piece of crap? Ryan McBain is going to beat you on Monday, and the Intercontinental title will come back to the New World Disorder.”

***The Joker takes his Television Title off of his shoulder and places it around his waist. Then he takes off the Hardcore Tag Title and puts it around his waist as well.***

Joker: “Now, back to Jeff Matthews. Jeff “I’m a jobber with a half-inch bobber” Matthews, come this Monday, you will know what it means to have your ass kicked. Matthews, face it. You are going up against the current Television and Hardcore Tag Champion. And you are just a nobody, a simpleton, a loser. And everyone who has enough brains to scratch their nuts knows that you are no match for the New World Disorder, no match for the Joker, and no match for the Hardcore Wrestling Federation. Jeff Matthews, on Monday, you are going to have to realize that you are just not championship material. And then, once I drop your ass with the No Laughing Matter, I’ll pick you up again. As the blood pours down your face, you will wipe your eyes and find yourself up in the air. And then you will be dropped, and as your head bounces of the mat, you will realize that the Joke’s on You. Now, Jeff Matthews, I have to admit, I was taken by surprise with your interview. I mean, here I am talking all this trash about you, dissing on you, and you still have the balls to wish me luck. Well, Jeff Matthews, I appreciate it. Good luck to you as well. You’re probably going to need it. But seeing as how we are good friends, I’ll go easy on you, alright? But don’t expect me to let you win, cuz this is business, nothing personal. So, no matter how tight we are outside of the ring, once we step between those ropes, it is all gone, and it’s go time. So, Jeff Matthews, as much as I appreciate your words of friendship, flattery will get you no where. Jeff, see you in the ring tomorrow. Good luck.”

***The Joker throws the microphone off the edge of the ramp, then bows his head. His music plays and flames erupt from the ramp. Technicians put out the flames and the lights go out. When they come back on, all of the technicians are laid out, and the Joker is gone…***

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