Date Posted:04:36:20 11/03/02 Sun Author: tint Subject: the impossible debat In reply to:
Tarnish
's message, "The Great Debate" on 19:55:40 11/01/02 Fri
I find this question amusing. It's akin to debating whether the gingerbread man can kick a chocolate chip cookie's ass. Since neither are actually animate objects, it is a question with no answer, merely an invitation for a plethora (thanks, mo) of non sequiter hyperbole and rhetorical hypotheses.
I'll be honest, I know very little about either. But if this is just a fun "what if", I'll add my ignorance and hopefully share its blissful result. Spider-man, from what I know, is part insect, part human. Batman is Bond. James Bond. Human with toys who would score lots of chicks if not for the fact he hangs around with a boy with a major sexual identity crisis. Yes, I am suggesting that Batman is Michael Jackson in a cape. No rhinestone glove, but the money is there. The odd Neverland/Batcave similarities. I could go on and on.
So, since this is all in fun I offer my scenario:
The explosion was started by Robin. Not willing to let his fellow closet superhero do time in the pen, Batman points the finger at Spidey. Spidey is homophobic and was just waiting for an excuse to kick batman's ass anyway and proceeds to douse him with sticky stuff. Thinking fast, Robin wipes the TNT powder from his liberace costume and digs for his Black Flag, a must have since the west nile virus caused AIDS-like panic within their circle of amyl nitrate abusers. Being half spider, Spider-man withers. Half dead, half alive. The remaining human part tries to escape my jumping off the building, but being webless, his guts colorize the dull grey concrete of Gotham York City. Robin then takes advantage of the webbed up Batman for his own perverse pleasure, ushering in a brief but erotic bondage phase of their pedophiliac relationship.
And as for Wonder Woman, she moved on to the Fantastic Foursome. The Invisible man walked funny for a while but nobody noticed. And Superman would always remember that "tight piece of ass that squealed like a piggy"
