Men's Rules for Women -- The Autograph Book

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Date Posted: 18:09:01 07/07/02 Sun
Author: Logan
Subject: Men's Rules for Women

The Rules... Written for Women by Men

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now
here are the rules from the male side.

Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

Sometimes we are not thinking about you.
Live with it.

Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or
the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys
fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are
never going to think of it that way.

Crying is blackmail.

Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on
this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not
work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and
anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently.

Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops.
What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing
which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your
dress?

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers
to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want
help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what
your girlfriends are for.

A headache that last for 17 months is a
problem. See a doctor.

If you won't dress like the Victoria's
Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

If you think you're fat, you probably are.

If something we said can be interpreted two
ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we
meant the other one.

Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway.

You can either ask us to do something or
tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already
know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you
have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did not need
directions, and neither do we.

The relationship is never going to be like
it was the first two months we were going out. Get over
it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows
default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit,
not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea
what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

We are not mind readers and we never will
be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how
little we care about you.

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely
anything you wear is fine. Really.

You have enough clothes.

You have too many shoes.

Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz
together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.

I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.

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Replies:

hmph I'm going to remove this. ;) -- Mugs, a woman, 19:54:40 07/07/02 Sun
- Well, -- Logan, 21:11:38 07/07/02 Sun
  - Yeah -- Nolij, 01:35:10 07/08/02 Mon
    - Except -- LS, 07:49:44 07/08/02 Mon
      - hahaha (NT) -- Mugs, 17:03:42 07/08/02 Mon