Subject:  insert swear word here, I dont want to mangle your virgin eyes with the actual text |
Author:
Julia
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Date Posted: 18:47:31 06/06/02 Thu
I'm lost right now, so whatever is after this won't make much sense, okay? warning you now.... and there will be swearing.......
I just............. why does the world have to be like it is? Why can't people be normal? Why... fuck, why does there have to be peer pressure and all that other stuff that fucks us up?
I'm sitting here, listening to my friend talk about how she got tipsy or drunk, whatever the fuck you want to call it last friday, and how the mirror was so cool and how if I ever try drinking I HAVE to do it with her.
I'm sorrry, but somehow, drinking and all that just seems so pointless to me. I know we're teens and we're supposed to be stupid......... but damnit.......... and now I'm supposed to be lauging about how fun it was for her. Well you know what? I'm not amused. I'm pissed off. Right now I feel like there are only about three poeple in the entire school.... well, maybe four.... who I could stand to be around (and yes, Dani, if you're reading this, you'll always be one of them). FUCKING HELL I DON'T WANT TO BE PROUD OF YOU! *is talking to her friend right now*.
That's not the only reason I'm so pissed off right now though. I just feel sometimes that the world would be better off without humans and our homes and internet and war and fucking farming. We are a disease. A parasite.
I just hate all this hypocrisy. (oo, I want Linkin Park right now). It makes no sense to me. Why is it that all the people who want to actually succeed in life are the ones who get shit on? Why do the people who aren't conforming to what society tells them to the ones who are the outcasts? Why isn't it that all the popular people, who are the same from one person to next practically, aren't the ones who are the outcasts and stuff? I dunno...... fuck, the world is messed.
Yeah, I'm prohbably contradicting myself, but right now there's no room for rational thought. I feel like screaming, laughing, and crying all at once, and at the same time I'm fine just being perfectly still. *sigh* I guess it's always gonna be the same though.
Damn it, I can't even stand to look at my friend now. Sometimes I feel like I know her, and sometimes she's so different I can't stand to be around her. She's like, the type of person i'd want to be friends with, and at the same time she's the type of person I loathe. I can't stand all this........................ I just want to be away from it all, at my cottage, with my dad and my friends who are five years younger than me and still have some shred of innocence in them. I want to be free from everything, in a place where the sun always shines, even on the rainest of days, where friendships are true and their purpose is unfathomed. Where everything is real, where there are no secrets, and life is just simple. You know where you are, you know who you're supposed to be, and why you are that person. You know why the sky is blue and suddnely you realise exactly why you wake up each day of the school year and slave away to a drone of math books and teachers, students and popularity freaks. Where you know that no matter how bad things get, life has a purpose, and you are simply that purpose, to live out what you are. I just want to be alone with the people I love and understand.... people who don't turn around and catch me off guard with things I don't understand or don't agree with, because for some reason, I can't handle that sometimes, and I hate myself for it, but at the same time, it's good to see so clearly.
Oh great, now here i go with the false enthusasm. Oh well, she's never going to change.. not just because of me... so why even bother?
Anyway, I think my rant is done for now. I'll go back to my world of Buffy the Vampire Slayer where there are sexy vampires and I can write stories about a world I can only imagine exists. *sigh* thanks for listening if you got this far.......
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