Re: "Blind Faith" -- Poetry Grace and Insanity

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Date Posted: 10:23:34 02/13/00 Sun
Author: Paul Douglas
Subject: Re: "Blind Faith"
In reply to: Dimon 's message, ""Blind Faith"" on 01:13:24 02/13/00 Sun

Beautifully written; I felt the sorrow and hurt ridden within these words. There is an ease and flow to your poems that expresses such emotion, and carries through dazzlingly in all your work. My only question would be if the message in the words would resonate moreso if you changed the one verse to

>You're soft cry permeates
>in all this poetry
>we both know so well.

thereby strengthening the overall passage with deepness by leaving out the email bit. I understand it changes the underlining theme somewhat, but it reads with more power, to me, with that change. Dwell on it because I see it would take the poem into slightly different terrain, but perhaps for the better. Otherwise, a very fine piece of work. Hope this helped...

Paul

> The last few months
> have been rough, I know,
> and it seems to me
> you're begging to let go.
> You're soft cry permeates
> my email,
> and all those poetry sites
> we both know so well.
> Subtle hints hidden
> within lines of reason...
> I know what you are thinking,
> I understand how much you hurt.
> I'm asking you, please just look upon
> these bloody palms
> held up with shame,
> and try not to shudder.
> Try not to shy away, agast.
> Try not to convince yourself
> that this time I've spent
> away
> was just a merciless game of heartbreak.
> Hold on to those memories,
> and try to hold on to me.
> This blood-letting should end soon,
> and we can stop pretending,
> we can live that perfect dream,
> I promise.

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Replies:

Re: "Blind Faith" -- Dimon, 21:00:43 02/19/00 Sat