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Subject: Re: 戲括坐塔人詩意成七絕一首


Author:
又試試講古詩
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Date Posted: 10:33:44 07/01/01 Sun
In reply to: 晴明 's message, "戲括坐塔人詩意成七絕一首" on 22:23:08 06/26/01 Tue

>清笛盈窗踏月來,隨伊入夢化飛埃。
>庭前花落旁人掃,何必喚名驚寤哉?

喚名五字似乎生硬。寤字意謂醒(是不是你原意?),和驚字的意思重疊;而哉字作問句語氣詞,本已是虛字,再加上前句「何必」已顯示詢問語氣,更覺多餘。
喚名也括得太白,而相反的卻造成了「喚誰的名」的疑問。

總之,前三句都很順,而第三句到第四句的跳躍也很大,
但末句失之生澀,精鍊不足。

冒昧講下咋。

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Re: 戲括坐塔人詩意成七絕一首晴明14:56:57 07/01/01 Sun


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