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Date Posted: 05:52:35 07/12/02 Fri
Author: tint
Subject: one more example
In reply to: (hint) tint 's message, "[unpronounceable symbol]" on 05:11:28 07/12/02 Fri

Let's look at Logan's "Periwinkle" (thanks Logan)

A purple shade's
What my mom gave
While Daddy's hue was blue

The purists fought
While parents sought
To offer something new

A splash of white
Then all was right
A color shone so clear

Grandparents sighed
As newborn cried
Crayola sung a cheer!

Lines 1 and 2 of each 3 line verse are 4 syllabes, two feet (dimeter)
Line 3 is 6 syllables, 3 feet (trimeter)
Rhyme scheme is aab ccb dde ffe
meter is iambic, thus : iambic dimeter/trimeter triplets

A PUR/ ple SHADE'S
what MY/ mom GAVE
while DAD/ dy's HUE/ was BLUE
(mom can be used as stress or unstressed when coupled in the same foot with a strong stress enjambment like "GAVE")

the PUR/ ists FOUGHT
while PAR/ ents SOUGHT
to OFF/ er SOME/ thing NEW
(very nice verse)

a SPLASH/ of WHITE
then ALL/ was RIGHT
a COL/ or SHONE/ so CLEAR
(consistent meter/rhyme scheme)

grand PAR/ ents SIGHED
as NEW/ born CRIED
cray O/ la SUNG/ a CHEER!
(grandparents can be GRAND-par-ents or grand-PAR-ents and since the meter is established by this last tritrain, it should scan within the metrical context)

Okay I'm done. Hope you take this in the constructive spirit it was meant and not as a dis on your poetry. I would not go through this trouble if I didn't think you have a lot of talent.

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