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Subject: Re: If...


Author:
Scotty w
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Date Posted: 01:11:00 07/10/03 Thu
In reply to: The Madpoet 's message, "Re: If..." on 22:54:35 05/22/03 Thu

Hi, Aluna. Terrific content and meaning. Very emotional piece, well done. May I ask if you are willing to experiment a little with form on this work? This is a life-in-the-fast-lane world, and the longer something appears to be, the less likely anyone is likely to bother reading it.
May I sugggest eliminating some line breaks and including
the refrain 'if everyday were yesterday I'd look for tomorrow' as a one line opening line for each stanza?
I think this would make the poem appear shorter, more readable, and more likely to be read. This is too nice a work to be ignored. Make them want to read it.
Scotty

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