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Date Posted: 21:51:51 06/11/02 Tue
Author: Xtreme
Subject: Damn my HTML ineptitude...This is the good one
In reply to: Xtreme 's message, "Xtreme on the Man Show? Who didn't see THAT coming?" on 21:45:09 06/11/02 Tue

(The scene opens to the opening of the Man Show on Comedy Central. After the opening plays and the theme ends, the Juggys start jumping around in their skimpy outfits and introduce Adam Corolla and Jimmy Kimmel. Jimmy and Adam walk out and wave to the crowd. They walk over to their chairs and sit down. On the table in between them are 3 mugs of beer and before they pick them up, Adam starts to talk)


Adam: As we all know, there’s only a few things we can depend on on Wednesday nights. Two more days of work, realizing you’re almost out of beer…oh wait that’s just me, and pro wrestling.


Jimmy: That’s right, Adam. After a long day of my crap ass job I know I can come home to my wife not cooking for me and sitting down to watch two grown men beating the holy hell out of each other. Every Wednesday, sometimes I come home from the bar just to watch GWA Insurrection and that’s why today we’re doing a GWA special on the Man Show. We’ve even got a special guest joining us today.


Adam: Tonight, guys, we’ve got one of our favorite superstars here tonight from the GWA. A man who can drink with the big boys and likes the Juggys as much as we do…Xtreme get your ass out here.


(Suddenly “96 Quite Bitter Beings” by CKY blasts over the PA system in the Man Show studio and Xtreme walks out onto the stage. The crowd starts cheering wildly and the Juggys start cheering like airheads like they always do. Xtreme has on a white shirt that says “WINNERS WRESTLE, LOSERS PLAY BASKETBALL” on the front and a pair of loose denim jeans. Xtreme’s hair in messy, yet looking stylish as always and he walks up Adam and Jimmy who are now standing and he shakes their hands. Xtreme picks up the extra beer on the table and takes a big swig. He looks around, as if something is missing, and Adam and Jimmy realize what he’s looking for)


Adam: Hey, can we get this guy a chair up here or what?


(Three little crew guys rush to bring an E-Z chair up on the stage, the kind that Adam and Jimmy have. Xtreme slaps one across the back of the head for not having the chair up there in the first place, and the crowd laughs. Xtreme sits down in his chair and continues to sip on his beer. Adam and Jimmy sit down and wait for Xtreme to finish drinking before they talk to him)


Jimmy: Xtreme, you are without a doubt one of our favorite GWA gladiators. I mean, who else in the GWA consumes mass amounts of alcohol, cheese steaks, and is an all around lazy bastard more than Xtreme here?


(The crowd pops big, and Xtreme sits there and smiles)


Adam: So Xtreme, what’s the deal with you and Lost now? You two seem to be pissing off everyone now. Just like old times, huh?


Xtreme: Yeah, exactly like old times. When I utterly destroyed Xtreme-1 last week and made him my bitch, I just wanted to let him know that no one steals my name. But now it seems I’ve pissed off the whole FOS and now I’ve got a match with Johnny Razor this week.


Jimmy: Now, enlighten us. Who’s this Johnny Razor? We have no clue.


Xtreme: Well, I really have no clue either. I have never heard of this guy before in my entire career, and now he thinks he can stand up to me? The man who beat down his stable mate last week at Insurrection. He thinks he can get revenge for his fallen comrade? Well, he’s got another thing coming.


Adam: Now, you’ve been wrestling for a long time, right? How was it that you came about the GWA?


Xtreme: Well, Adam, you’re right; I have been wrestling a long time now. I’d say about six or seven years, but in all my time and in all the feds I’ve been in, I’ve never seen a bunch of cockier punks than Xtreme-1 and Johnny Razor. I mean, I wiped the floor with Xtreme-1 last week and by now you’d think that Johnny Razor would’ve at least acknowledged the biggest threat to him since…well…ever, by now, but he hasn’t. It’s really too bad, though. I was looking forward to maybe having a challenging match this week after that debacle with Xtreme-1 last week, but it seems I’m not going to get one. But seriously, look at me. I’m 245 pounds of rippling steel and beer gut, do you think anything could be a challenge to me?


Jimmy: Speaking your rippling steel, there’s someone out there who’s just been dying to meet you. Juggy Paula, you wanna come down here now?


(Juggy Paula, the one with the red hair, comes down out of the crowd and sits on Xtreme’s lap. Xtreme, who looks very happy now, with a beer in one hand and a hot girl in the other, says)


Xtreme (Smiling) : This Johnny Razor guy doesn’t stand a chance against me next Insurrection and anyone else who challenges me will have the same fate. As you can see right now, not much can go wrong in my life right now.


Adam: Speaking of things going wrong. We sent Xtreme’s little buddy out on the street to see if anyone else has ever heard of Johnny Razor, or if its just us.


(The scene fades out to black but quickly fades back into Jake standing on a street corner with a microphone stopping random people. The first of the random people in a young man who looks to be in his twenties who is wearing a backpack)


Jake: Excuse me sir, have you ever heard of Johnny Razor?


Guy: Who? What are you talking about? Do you want some change or something?


Jake: No I don’t want change! Johnny Razor is supposedly a guy in the GWA and he’s fighting Xtreme this week and we wanted to see if…


Guy: Did you say Xtreme?


Jake: Yeah, I said Xtreme.


Guy: Oh…I hate that bastard.


(You can hear the crowd laughing as the scene cuts to the next person Jake harasses. This time he stops a young lady who seems to be in a hurry)


Jake: Excuse me, maim? How do you feel about Johnny Razor?


Lady: I’m sorry, who?


Jake: Johnny Razor, maim.


Lady: I’m sorry, I’ve never heard of him but I really have to be goin…


Jake: One last question, maim… (Jake’s voice gets all low as he tries to sound smooth) I lost my phone number, can I have yours?


(The lady gives Jake a cold stare, grumbles and walks away. Then Jake calls after her)


Jake: I’m serious; I really lost my phone number! Damnit…


(The crowd laughs again as the scene cuts to someone else Jake bothers, this time it is an elderly man)


Jake: Excuse me, sir, have you ever heard of a Mr. Johnny Razor?


Old Man: Johnny who?


Jake: Razor, sir.


Old Man: Who Razor?


Jake: Johnny, sir. Johnny Razor. Does that name ring a bell? Any bells at all?


(The old man looks to be thoroughly confused and walks away. Jake just kinda stares at him for a second as the crowd laughs a little in the background. Jake then turns to the camera)


Jake: Well I think the general consensus down here is that people have no clue who Johnny Razor is, that guy doesn’t like Xtreme, and I need a new pickup line.


(The scene cuts back to Adam, Jimmy and Xtreme who are still seated in their chairs, and the Juggys start to dance as the scene fades to black and then goes to a commercial. The commercial is an advertisement for this Wednesday’s Insurrection card showing past highlights from other cards. Then before the show comes back, there is a quick commercial for the new Man Show website. When the show comes back in, the crowd is cheering and a poll appears on the screen. The poll is “What amount of men would trade their wives to be a successful professional wrestler?” The percent that shows up underneath is around 35%. When the scene goes back to the set, Adam and Jimmy are standing up in front of the crowd off in the bar section of the set)


Jimmy: Now usually when we do this bit, it’s Adam who is the star.


Adam: But since we have such a special guest today I figured we’d do something a little different. And now, this is how the world would be, if Xtreme were king!


(The camera view changes to a red curtain opening to reveal Xtreme sitting on a throne wearing a red cloak and wearing a crown on his head. The twin Juggys come over and begin to fan him as he talks)


Xtreme: When I become king, I will make (beep)jobs an Olympic sport. Because it’s harder than curling has ever been, and if you’re any good at it, you deserve a medal.


(Crowd laughs huge, the Juggys cheer like usual)


Xtreme: Silence! When I become king I will lower the drinking age. If you can see over the bar, you’re old enough to order a beer.


(Crowd cheers)


Xtreme: When I become king porno movies will no longer be held with such low regard by the public. When I am king they will be called movies about clothing challenged women. That’s what I will do when I become king, now dance servants, dance!


(The crowd cheers as the twin Juggys and the rest of the Juggys start to dance and after about 20 seconds the scene fades out to black. A few commercials play for random things like Burger King, Scooby Doo and Trojan Brand condoms. When the scene comes back in, the camera is back on Jake, who is standing outside talking to a group of young kids)


Jake: So who’s your favorite wrestler, kids?


Kid 1: Odyssey!


Kid 2: Snoops!


Kid 3: Lost Worlds!


Jake: None of you guys like Xtre….wait did you say Lost Worlds?


Kid 3: Did I say Lost Worlds? I meant Chris Damm. I hate Lost Worlds and Xtreme.


Kid 2: Get ‘im, this guy likes Xtreme and Lost Worlds!


(The little kids knock over Jake and start to punch him and kick him. One of them begins using his groin as punching bag. We can hear the crowd laugh and cheer as the scene cuts back to the studio where Xtreme, Adam and Jimmy are sitting on their bar stools ready to answer some questions)


Jimmy: Its come to that time of the show where we answer some questions. Our first question comes from a Jay Gunderson. Jay asks, “Xtreme, do you plan to fight the whole FOS yourself or what?”


Xtreme: Well, Jay, I don’t intend to. But if they want to try and avenge their two fallen comrades, they’re welcome to try. That’s right two. I’m saying that after Insurrection, Johnny Razor will be the latest example of why you don’t mess with the Jackasses or Xtreme.


Jimmy: Alright, good enough. Our next question is from a Todd Griswold. Todd asks, “Xtreme, can you chug a beer as good as Jimmy?”


Xtreme: You bet I can. In fact I bet I can even beat Jimmy in a chugging contest.


Jimmy: You think so?


(The two men get their beer mugs ready and start to chug away. The crowd begins to chant “Chug, chug, chug” and after a long couple of seconds Xtreme emerges the winner and raises his arms in victory. The crowd cheers and Adam laughs)


Jimmy: Ah, you’re beer was half empty.


Xtreme: Sure it was.


Jimmy: And our last question comes from Bryan McGee. Bryan asks, “How can you be so sure that you’re going to beat Johnny Razor when you had a hard time beating Xtreme-1?”


Xtreme: Tough time beating him? I smacked him around like a redheaded step child….


Adam: Uh, you can’t say that on TV.


Xtreme: Well then edit it out, but Xtreme-1 was anything but a challenge. I dominated him the entire match. From bell to bell I destroyed him just like I’m going to destroy his little FOS friend at Insurrection. I mean, do they think they stand a chance against me? Didn’t they see how badly I beat down Xtreme-1, and now they think they can get revenge for him? Well, if they want revenge, they’ll have to get it somewhere else because they won’t be avenging anyone on my time. That goes for anyone else in the FOS who thinks they can take me just because I took down one of their own. Now, I’m not challenging the FOS to a fight, far from it. But if they want a fight they got it. Anyone of them. But Xtreme-1, don’t think I’ve forgotten about you. I want my name to be mine and mine alone. You never know when I might feel like reminding you of who the true Xtreme of the GWA really is. You just watch out, Xtreme-1, this isn’t over. Not until I either run you out of this place, or you change your name, this isn’t over. But the task at hand is Johnny Razor. Now, he might’ve had a good match at Requiem…but Insurrection is not Requiem. That is in the past and do I give a damn what you did in the past? Hell no. You know what I did at Requiem? I (bleep)ed up your little friend Xtreme-1 and at Insurrection I’m gonna do the same to you…maybe even worse because you don’t respect me enough to even cut a promo about me. Razor, there’s only one possibility for the ending of our match at Insurrection…my hand is raised in the air and you’re on your back in a pool of your own blood. XTREME HAS SPOKEN. Does that answer your question, Mr. McGee…if that’s even you’re real name?!?


(The crowd laughs and cheers as Adam, Jimmy and Xtreme stand up with a hand over their beer respective beer mug)


Jimmy: And now time for the Man Show toast…ZIGGY ZOCKIT ZIGGY ZOCKIT, OY OY OY, ZIGGY ZOCKIT ZIGGY ZOCKIT, OY OY OY,
ZIGGY ZOCKIT ZIGGY ZOCKIT, OY OY OY


(The three men and everyone else in the audience chugs their beers and once Adam is done he says)


Adam: And now, girls jumping on trampolines! Goodnight, folks!


(The Man Show end theme song starts and girls jumping on trampolines are shown as promised. After a minute or so the credits start to roll on the side and once the credits finish the scene fades out to black)

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