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Date Posted: 21:51:27 10/22/01 Mon
Author: Xtreme
Subject: Why's everybody always pickin' on me?

(The scene opens up on the streets of Philadelphia. The cameraman in walking on the street of Xtreme's apartment building. Cars drive by, and people walk by and stare at the cameraman. He comes up to Xtreme's apartment building, and standing outside the door is Xtreme's buddy, Jake. Jake is standing there, looking around, apparently waiting for the cameraman. The cameraman walks up to him, and Jake says something to him)


Jake: Its about time you got here.


Cameraman: How come Xtreme called me over here so fast?


Jake: He says he has something important to show us, and he wouldn't let me into his apartment until you showed up, so I came down here to wait for you.


Cameraman: You have any idea of what he has to show us?


Jake: I have no idea, I hope you could tell me. Well, lets not wait any longer to see what this magical new thing is Xtreme has to show us.


(Jake walks into the building, followed by the cameraman. They walk up a few floors, before Jake walks down a hallway, and knocks on a door. Xtreme calls out from the inside of the apartment)


Xtreme: Who's there?


Jake: Its me. The cameraman showed up, can we come in now?


Xtreme: Well if the cameraman showed up, you can come in....but don't touch anything!


(Jake opens the door and walks into, not knowing what to expect. When the two walk in, Jake does not say anything, but the camera view pans all around. There are fliers in stacks around the apartment, a few banners, a bucket of buttons on the floor next to Xtreme, who is sitting at the computer typing something on his word processor. Jake stares all around the apartment, dumbfounded, not knowing what to say. Xtreme starts to print out what he's written, and when they are all done, he puts them in a stack on his desk next to him. Jake sits down on the couch and picks up a flier off of the end table and reads it)


Jake: "Xtreme will give you pie and make your life magical and happy. Cheer Xtreme on this Wednesday against Jackson and Sexton!" What the hell is this crap, Xtreme? Are you campaigning for something?


Xtreme: Yes, Jake, thats exactly what I'm doing. Well, if you haven't noticed in the recent weeks, my fan base is nearly non-exsistant. I made these fliers and buttons to give to people so that they will become my fans and cheer me on. Isn't this an ingenious idea!


Jake: First off Jake, you can't people like you. Secondly, how do you know the people you hand these things to even watch wrestling or the GWA?


Xtreme: Once again Jake, I'm 27 steps ahead of you. Even if they don't watch GWA, they may get intrigued and watch it this week, thus raising the ratings. I've got it all covered.


Jake(Sarcastically): You sure do, Xtreme. You sure do.


Xtreme: Shut up, Jake. You know you wish you could've thought of this first. Using my superior intellect, I realized that all my fans put together are still less than your IQ number, I came up with this plan to get more. But this isn't all of it...you haven't seen my car yet.


Jake: What'd you do to your car, Xtreme?


You'll just have to wait and see. Come on and help me carry this stuff down to the car.


(Xtreme picks up a few piles of paper in one hand and the bucket of buttons in the other. Jake gets the rest of the stacks and the three men begin to walk down the stairs to the garage. The cameraman opens the door to the garage for the two men, and Jake nearly drops the stacks of papers when he sees Xtreme's car)


Xtreme: You like? I thought you would.


(The car is covered with fliers and pictures of Xtreme. A few cans with strings attached to them are connected to the back bumper, but on the roof of the car are two of the old fashioned loudspeakers people used to use when they were running for some sort of office. Xtreme smiles but Jake just looks speechless, and that might not necessarily be a good thing)


Xtreme: Isn't it great??


Jake: Well, if you want to be considered "That annoying guy who's driving around town with speakers on his roof", then yes, it looks great.


Xtreme: I'm in too good a mood to let your negativity piss me off, Jake. Come on, lets get going.


Jake: Where are we going?


Xtreme: Duh, Jake...isn't it obvious? We're going to the park! Theres a ton of people there this time of day! We can hand out the buttons and fliers, and people will be attracted to the sound of my voice blaring over the loudspeakers.


Jake: So why do you need me?


Xtreme: Well, I need someone to hand out this crap for me while I'm talking on the loudspeakers. Come on, you're wasting time, lets get going.


(Xtreme runs around to the other side of the car and gets in. Jake, to much protest, gets into the passenger seat and the cameraman gets into the back. Xtreme pulls out of the garage and instead of speeding down the street, he drives about 20 miles below the speed limit and starts to speak over the loudspeakers)


Xtreme: HEY EVERYONE, ITS ME, XTREME! DON'T YOU ALL WISH YOU COULD BE COOL LIKE ME? WELL YOU CAN IF YOU WATCH ME EVERY WEDNESDAY, AND CHEER ME ON WHEN I BEAT JOEY JACKSON AND JAMES SEXTON THIS WEEK!


(He pauses and then starts to talk again)


Xtreme: WATCH THE GWA EVERY WEEK, AND YOU'LL BE THE COOLEST PERSON AROUND AND HAVE LOTS OF FRIENDS! IF YOU CHEER ME, XTREME, ON YOU'LL HAVE LOTS OF MONEY TOO!


Jake: You can't tell them that!


Xtreme: And just why not??


Jake: For one thing, they won't have lots of money because they cheer you on! And if people don't like you, why would anyone like them for liking you??


Xtreme: People will do anything for money, and they don't know I won't give them money. And I kinda lost you after that point.


Jake: Umm, Xtreme...did you ever think that people behind you might not want to go 20 miles below the speed limit?


Xtreme: What are you talking about?


(Xtreme peers out his rear view mirror and sees there is a line of about 4 cars behind him, all honking for him to go faster. He shakes his fist and yells)


Xtreme: Calm down, you loud bastards! You can go back to speeding soon enough!


(Xtreme slows down a bit, and starts to talk again)


Xtreme: THESE PEOPLE BEHIND ME WANT ME TO SPEED UP, BUT I CAN'T BECAUSE I'M NOT DONE TELLING YOU ABOUT HOW GREAT I AM. IF YOU REALLY WANT TO SEE HOW GREAT I AM, WATCH THE GWA THIS WEDNESDAY TO SEE ME BEAT THE SNOT OUT OF JOEY JACKSON AND JAMES SEXTON!


Jake: Why'd you slow down? You know they're only going to get angrier.


Xtreme: Well they deserve it if they're going to honk at me like that.


(Xtreme continues to drive slowly and starts to talk over the loudspeakers again)


Xtreme: FOLLOW THIS CAR TO THE PARK TO HERE THE ONE AND ONLY XTREME FROM THE GWA SPEAK ABOUT JOEY JACKSON, JAMES SEXTON, AND HIS UPCOMING GWA MATCH!


(Xtreme speeds up and starts to head for the park. Once he reaches the park, he drives it up over the curb, and partly into the park area. He gets out of the car and takes his fliers and buttons with him. Jake gets out and takes the fliers with him. A few people start to stare at Xtreme because he has driven onto the park ground. Xtreme pulls the little microphone out of his car, stands on the hood, and starts to talk over the loudspeakers again)


Xtreme: EVERYONE GATHER ROUND TO HEAR THE LEGEND, XTREME, SPEAK ABOUT HIS MATCH AT INSURRECTION! WE HAVE FREE BUTTONS AND FLIERS!


(A few more people walk over, no doubt because of the promise of buttons, and begin to take buttons out of the bucket. Once a sizable amount of people show up, Xtreme jumps off the hood of his car, and pulls out a button. He sticks it into one guys chest)


Xtreme: Here you go, my good man!


Guy: Ow! That fucking hurt, you ass!


Xtreme: But that hurt was out of....love or something....yeah thats it. Well now that everyone that is going to come is here, I thought I'd start out by saying that I hope all of you cheer me on this Wednesday against Jackson and Sexton.....


Other Guy: No, I just wanted a button and now I'm going.


Xtreme: Fine, you just go and leave. But don't you enjoy that button! Now that we've gotten them out of the way, I'd like to tell you all about this Joey Jackson guy. First off, he's called me "An immature person who doesn't deserve to be a professional wrestler because he isn't professional" or some shit. Who the hell ever said that I have to be professional all the time...or at all for that matter? Being a Jackass isn't about being "professional" and "always looking good" as you would want me to be. Being a Jackass is just what it sounds like...being an asshole whenever and to whoever you want! But you...you're just an uptight bastard who is too concerned with his image. And for what? So you can "look good" and "smart" because you use bigger words than I do? Well just because you have a bigger vocabulary than I do, doesn't make you any better in the ring than I am. Oh wow, look out everyone...here comes Joey Jackson and his 20 mintue promos that I really don't give a fuck about nor do I have the time or the energy to listen to. Seriously, Jackson, do you think I care that you call me trash? Damn, man...that really hurts. Its hurts me so badly....wait...no actually it just kinda tickles a little. As the old saying goes, Jackson, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." And like your words, you will never hurt me either. You're just a little bitch Falconer who thinks he's good because he manages to get the Olympic title in his second match back. Well, if I had been haning around the GWA as long as you, I'd be Olympic champ, if not Gladiator champ by now. You poke fun at my tag team name...but what is so f'n great about yours? "Dying Breed"? Well, why are you a Dying Breed, Jackson? You'll say you're the last great wrestler in GWA, but I say your the last of the people who define what the GWA of yester-year is. You follow me, Jackson? You're a dying breed of people like Dark Tiger, and Johhny Storm. People like you embody and represent everything of the old GWA...a place where the federation was ruled by a select few and the rest fought amongst themselves. Well, its people like me and Lost who are going to change all of that. Lost has already beaten the odds and become Gladiator champion, and now its my turn to take victories over people like you. You and your lackie, Sexton, are the biggest jokes I've ever seen. You come back to the GWA after all this time, and expect to be respected and given oppurtunities like you used to. Well, thats bullshit, Jackson. I don't care who you are, but you have to earn respect in my world. You can't make the people like you, but you just don't give a damn do you? No...you're this all powerful man who can't be stopped. You're best damn thing to ever come to the GWA, and we should get down on our hands and knees and be thankful we have someone like you on the roster. Yeah...maybe that'll happen, Jackson...and maybe monkeys'll fly out of my rectum. You don't like me, Jackson? Well thats just a big surprise. I never would've guessed you didn't like me. I thought we would've been best of buddies. But now...you hurt my feelings and said you didn't like me. Well here's a shocker, Jackson, I don't like you either. In fact....I hate you. I hate you with a passion, Jackson. You embody everything wrong with our society. You think you're so much better than everyone, yet you have no reason or right to. The only reason you have is that you said so or that you've won a couple of pieces of gold attached to a leather strap. Well, times have changed, Jackson....and your time has passed. Now is the era of the Jackass, and we will not be denied. XTREME HAS SPOKEN.....so who wants a button!?!


(All the people in the crowd raise their hands and Xtreme begins throwing the buttons out to them. Jake starts handing out fliers and such, and Xtreme starts passing out fliers. The scene fades to black as more and more people start to gather around Xtreme's car, waiting to see whats going on, or to get a button. What did those buttons says, you ask? Well....why don't you tell me? Theres one right next to you..........HA! Made you look!)

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