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Date Posted: 28/05/07 12:30am
Author: Chief Constable Brickker
Subject: Re: New EU Directive
In reply to:
Martin Trevillion
's message,
"New EU Directive" on
27/05/07 9:05pm
My good Sir,
You may or may not realize just how monotonous it can be being a constable these days, hours just spent wagging our truncheons at OAP’s, body pierced youths on Vespa’s making lewd gestures and the like. Why just last week one of our own PC’s was saved from his own hand trying to take his life. Subsequent interviews with the psychiatrists revealed he was suffering from what they called “terminal boredom” this is one of many incidents that affect the police community.
In issuing the “Stop Search and Fondle” ruling the EU is just recognizing the ongoing problem and providing a solution to “terminal boredom”. We have an ongoing training programme where we instruct our constables in the proper way to perform the “Stop Search and Fondle” for instance it would be inappropriate for one of our constables to approach a teenage girl in a mini skirt and fondle her, instead they are taught to adhere to strict guidelines and when feeling bored find an appropriate subject like a well dressed stockbroker and do a “pocket search” which is legal under the EU guidelines. We even encourage them to choose a time and place where there will be many bystanders as this gives a feeling of greater satisfaction to our PC’s and heightens the embarrassment of the subject.
Chief Constable Brickker
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Replies:[>
Re: New EU Directive -- Fahood,
29/05/07 11:13pm
I be driving my Tuk-Tuk round London trying to get attention. I wear diaper and turban and shout loudly at everyone. Why no one stop me I don't know. I like be stop and fondel by big constable person. Why not I be stop, could be have not bath in years?
Fahood, I be very sad
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[> [>
Re: New EU Directive -- Chief Constable Brickker,
1/06/07 10:07am
Fahood,
So it was you who threw the rotten bannana at me the other day, I'll have your hide if it happens again. However I have instructed my officers to not contact you at all cost. Sorry old man but it's just not how we do things here at the yard. I could pop round your flat if Fatima your sister is there and we could play hide the trunchon or something on Sunday.
Toodles,
Chief Constable Brickker
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