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Date Posted: 6/08/07 8:46pm
Author: Ron Beavis
Subject: Re: Product Recall: Nuclear Powered Bed Warmer
In reply to:
Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq.
's message,
"Re: Product Recall: Nuclear Powered Bed Warmer" on
5/08/07 9:49am
Roger
Thank you for the advice regarding my "purchase" as you say,
I won`t mention it again to avoid my possible incarceration.
Yes I did my best where Levida`s concerned but I think she first cottoned on to me in 1976 when she saw me "fixing" her brake pipes. She only just purchased the Morris Minor, it`s true, but my explanation was that I was trying to rescue next door`s cat and the hacksaw was needed to cut him loose. Syvlester being a slippery little "b" managed to dodge me 34 times, the hacksaw slipped and damaged very slightly the brake pipes so it was my duty to attempt to repair them I think you`ll agree.
You say: "For a small fee, payable in nearly affordable monthly installments we could arrange for my associates Vladimer, Zvonimir and Pankracije of Vladimer, Zvonimir and Pankracije Ltd. to pay a visit to this Levida and well, er, arrange an accident." When you say "a small fee", how small are we talking? I`m a mature student you see and have a lot of bills and habits to upkeep so might I be so audacious as to make an offer of say £15? Alternatively how does 23p per month sound over say 4 months?
With regard to Levida`s exit, to be frank I would rather not know the manner of her demise if it`s ok with you, so long as it`s excruciatingly slow and agonisingly painful. As I say I don`t want to know or be involved in the grand priestesses end but I hear that one can purchase a vat of top quality, high grade, rapid-kill, Romanian acid on ebay for less than half-a-bigmac and I know Levida simply adores a swim but anyway as I say I will leave you to tie up the loose ends if you catch my drift.
Anyway I must dash as I have a plane to catch, thank you in advance for sorting things out for me and maybe we can do "the-business" again in the future freedom permitting.
Sincerely
Ron Beavis
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Re: Product Recall: Nuclear Powered Bed Warmer -- Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq.,
6/08/07 11:14pm
Ron,
Well at least for now you will be miles away from Levida and able to relax. I know the temptation to save money when dealing with an unpleasant situation is always tempting but if you want good results you will have to pay market rates. The a vat of top quality, high grade, rapid-kill, Romanian acid on ebay for less than half-a-bigmac, you mentioned will hardly deliver satisfactory results, it would hardly peel the skin off a rotting cadaver.
It’s a shame your efforts with the Morris Minor repairs were interrupted just when you were so close to success, has anything like this happened since? If Levida is being wary it may add to the cost of the venture as it’s always easiest if things such as this can be done up close and personal rather than in some spectacular manner that might attract attention of the authorities to the exact nature of the accident.
The small fee, payable in nearly affordable monthly installments should not result in your having to do anything more than petty larceny or perhaps the occasional burglary to support your habits.
Sincerely,
Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq.
Shlockman, Sueman, Kneebreaker and Stall
Attorneys at Law
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