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Date Posted: 31/07/08 6:11pm
Author: Cindy Mentals
Subject: Dial-A-Goat
Hello
I have an idea for what I feel would be a very viable business but I am short of funds and wondered if there was any astute entrepreneurs out there willing to risk an investment?
About Dial-A-Goat..
As the name suggests Dial-A-Goat is a service whereby one telephones a premium rate line and a goat is delivered direct to the door of your choosing. A simple idea I think you`ll agree but the simple ones are always the most lucrative.
Great for birthday surprises, wedding anniversaries, or just to give the mother-in-law the shock of her life! Dial-A-Goat will be the icebreaker to end all icebreakers:-).
I`m sure that there`s been a time in most people`s lives when they wished that they had a goat to keep them company.
Only last thursday as I was waiting for the 4.46 from camden I thought to myself, my.. how I could do with a goat to befriend right now..
ENTER STAGE LEFT: DIAL-A-GOAT!
Please see below the break-down re the costings etc of this terrific looking business venture: (Please note, i`ve got people queuing up to wisely invest in Dial-A-Goat so you must act swiftly ~ I don`t want to sound pushy but by not acting fast you might well be doing yourself and your family out of a life changing income amount of money).
Cost of Coat: £85 (or do you know of an un-overlooked field where there`s one)?
Feed: 65 pence per day
Well, as you can see, £85.26 is`nt exactly a king`s ransom
and you have my 100% rock-solid guarantee that you will definitely see a 25% return on your investment within a few decades.
My goal is to follow up with Dial-A-Haddock; Dial-A-Bogus-Meter-Reader and Dial-A-Hoodie.
Thank you in advance for your kind consideration and I look forward to your earliest response.
Regards
Cindy Mentals
Cindy`s other business interests:-
Cindy`s Left handed, secondhand, refurbished golf clubs.
Cindy`s half-ton-paper-weights.
Cindy`s River widening device polishers and Cindy`s Unique Sub-Aqua Plate Spinning Emporium.
Cindy`s catchprrase: `GO ON DIMPLECHEEKS MAKE ME AN OFFER!`
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Re: Dial-A-Goat -- Melvin Henkrit,
31/07/08 9:44pm
Cindy,
I’ve often thought the same thing while waiting for the train, wouldn’t it be nice to have a goat while waiting in the rain. The problem I see is I live in a 5 story walk up flat (the lift has not worked since June 1952) I’ve read that goats are agile creatures but I would be worried something terrible would happen if it were startled on one of the landings by say a traveling mongoose salesman carrying his wares. The ones around here are rather pushy, as soon as they see a prospective customer or you open your door a crack the throw a cobra inside and offer to demonstrate the mongoose so I am not sure how a cobra, mongoose and a goat would get on.
Perhaps a kiosk at the train station where one could insert pound notes for a few minutes of goat companionship would be more appropriate for people in my situation, therefore I could have the benefit of goat companionship without the worry of random mongoose and cobra incidents.
Melvin Henkrit
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Re: Dial-A-Goat -- Cindy Mentals,
31/07/08 10:52pm
Dear Melvin
It`s amazing how similar we are.. have you yearned for a goat while waiting for a train in the rain for very long?
I think you pose a pretty steadfast case with regard to the mongoose salesman. I am delighted to inform you though that Goats and Mongooses get on swimmingly. I know this because my neighbour, Abdul, owned a mongoose of both sexes. It`s unusual I think you`ll agree to have anaphrodisiac mongooses living in this neck of the woods - but it`s true.
Anyway, I bear witness as to the fact that I have only ever seen one fight between a mongoose and a goat. It was many, many, years ago, November 14th 1964, and my memory`s not what it was but the goat`s name was Aljernon Winston Artie the third of Cleethorpes and the mongoose as I recall was named Ed.
A large crowd gathered that evening and you could hear a pin drop as the two gladiators entered the makeshift ring. Aljernon Winston Artie the third of Cleethorpes looked cofident and jabbed the air visciously while snarling in Ed`s direction. Ed stared blankly into space psyching himself up for the brawl as I recall and winked to his trainer Big Sam. Farmer Worzelshanks was the master of ceremonies that cold winters night and had already taken plenty of bets most of which were on Ed to take a dive in the third. Did old farmer Worzelshanks know someting we did`nt?..
The bell rang out to signal the commencement of round one, the crowd were making a real cacophony by now as the two brave warriors squared up to each other. Ed threw a wicked left, then right uppercut which caught Aljernon Winston Artie the third of Cleethorpes unawares. Ed missed with a sweeping four arm smash and Aljernon Winston Artie the third of Cleethorpes siezed the opportunity and unleashed a flurry of perfectly timed blows to Ed`s solar plexus. Ed was reeling about like a drunken sailor who`d been out celebrating his demob Aljernon Winston Artie the third of Cleethorpes went in for the kill but Ed seemed to summon the strength from somewhere deep down in his hush-puppied boots
and managed to catch the goat flush on the chin with a powerful haymaker of a punch..
It was at this point that the police arrived and so most of us scattered but I think you will agree goats and mongoose
do mix well in some circumstances.
The kiosk idea is superb. I will write to a few station masters in the East of England to see about some possible venues. Please advise if you think it`s a good idea?
Kindest regards
Cindy Mentals
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Re: Dial-A-Goat -- Melvin Henkrit, 1/08/08 1:26am
My Dearest Cindy,
How well I recall November 14th 1964, it was a bleak day and having just been appointed to my post with Scotland Yard the call came in for an illegal cockfight we all turned out in riot gear expecting the worst. Rounding the corner we observed several dozen people running in the opposite direction, the rest of the men wanted to give chase but I was mesmerized by the sight of the goat and mongoose dueling it out in the square ring and ordered them to stand still. Upon interviewing Farmer Worzelshanks he offered a tidy sum for the widows and orphans fund and by that time even Aljernon Winston Artie the third of Cleethorpes was looking winded, Ed was stumbling about and bouncing off the ropes. Since the trainer Big Sam had run off already I instructed the lads to ring the bell and bring them back to their neutral corners, they were both bloodied and woozy by this point and after an application of some styptic to stop the bleeding and a nice cool down with a sponge the match resumed.
It went on for several more rounds before the Chief Inspector arrived and called it a draw, he collected the money for the widows and orphans fund and was never seen again.
As for the kiosk’s I would suggest you just place them in the middle of the night, stationmasters usually do not have a clue as to what British Rail is up to and would probably just overlook the whole thing, after all why make it more complicated than necessary.
Melvin Henkrit
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