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Date Posted: 26/05/06 12:09am
Author: Brian
Subject: Re: Troubled by monkeys?
In reply to:
Monkey Business Ltd.
's message,
"Troubled by monkeys?" on
25/05/06 7:30am
My Good Sirs at Monkey Business Ltd.,
Do you have any products for dealing with Voles in my sugar bowls. They are quite pesky and there is nothing worse than serving tea and your guest has a vole doing the backstroke in the Earl Grey. I do trust you can help me.
Brian
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Re: Troubled by monkeys? -- Ivor Snouteworthy,
26/05/06 9:49am
Dear Brian
Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Ivor Snouteworthy, I represent the Royal National Society For Butting In To Other Peoples Business, (R.N.S.B.I.T.O.P.B.).
I would like to speak up for Monkey Business Ltd as they will be in no position to answer your question I feel reference Voles in sugar bowls.
It so happens that I was the MD of "Voles-R-Us" a supplier of upmarket motorcycle gear made and miniturised exclusively for the UK Vole population. During my proud 12 year reign as MD for Voles-R-Us I had the great pleasure occasionally to make friends with Voles spread the length and breadth of the UK - but particularly Arbroath in Scotland.
In later years as MD we also branched out into the widely acclaimed "Miniture-McMurdoch-Kilts-for-Voles," which again were extremely popular, not only in Arbroath, but the whole of Scotland - and latterly in Galway, Ireland and Sydenham, South London.
Sadly as you are no doubt aware Voles are now virtually extinct in the UK due mainly to the carcinogenics found in Earl Grey (and many other teas) and also due to the flouride content found in abundance in British tap water.
Taking all of the above into account why don`t you get together with Monkey Business Ltd, pool your resources and invest in a Vole Farm? Why don`t you set up the farm in Bombay or Dehli to avoid the usual excessive running costs; exorbitant staff wages etc and take a leaf out of most of the big UK Companies? I don`t wish to appear as if I am telling you how to run your life but I really do feel it would work out remarkably well and after all as the saying goes: "Nothing Ventured Nothing Gained!" Tee Hee:-)
P.S. If you need me to contact Monkey Business Ltd (some people can be shy you know) please be assured I am only an e-mail or phone call away. I`m sure we can work something out together and who knows we may earn a few bob in the process:-)
Sincere regards
Ivor S.. Founder and Chairman;-
R.N.S.B.I.T.O.P.B.
Motto:-
"Together we can achieve, together we can prosper!"
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Re: Troubled by monkeys? -- Brian McDonnell,
26/05/06 6:42pm
Dear Mr. Ivor Snouteworthy,
You certainly have chosen the right line of work For Butting In To Other Peoples Business, not since Mrs. Thompson passed on has anyone been able to fill the void. Mrs. Thompson (4ft 9in) would climb on a crate and holler over the back fence how I needed a trim at the barbers or my socks didn’t match whenever I was in the back garden.
But enough of that, back to the voles, what I have in mind if I might be so bold as to suggest is you should join with me in the vole farm. I should not doubt your former business Voles-R-Us might be responsible for the decline in the vole population due to the dangerous nature of voles riding miniature motorbikes on the roads. What I have in mind is establishing a large scale operation in Bombay but here is the twist, we get the voles to pay us to go there. I suggest calling it a "Holiday Retreat" rather than a breeding farm, we ply the voles with miniature tropical drinks and in no time they will be breeding. Since the region is also well known for producing motorized scooters and bikes from nothing but discarded tins and zipper closures we could manufacture a line of tiny off- road vehicles and sell those to the voles for added profit.
This would also solve my sugar bowl problem as I could just pour some sand in the garden and charge admission to my "Off-Road Adventure Park" looking forward to your reply and setting up the operation with due haste. There are those who frequent here(MFCC & Schlockman)who would steal our idea should we not get to the registry office in time.
Brian McDonnell
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Investment Opportunity -- Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq., 29/05/06 3:03am
Dear Mr. Snouteworthy & Mr. McDonnell
While I admire your enthusiasm I must mention one of our clients already has secured the rights for your ideas in the UK, Indonesia, China and most other parts of the world. Vole Vacations Ltd. and their subsidiary Vole-Max (Makers of fine Vole sized motorbikes) has however authorized our firm to offer an investment opportunity previously unavailable to the public.
With the growing popularity of their all inclusive Vole Holiday package, and renewed interest by Voles in the 21-35 demographic range for even more Vole-Max models they are looking for investors to raise capital for the upcoming "Vole-Max 1.5CC touring model" that is under development. The Vole-Max 1.5 will feature a large expanse of chrome, comfortable seating, luggage trunks and CD player standard. Estimated market retail is £5489 before VAT and License fees, market studies have shown the average Vole would buy one of these in an instant. What they need now is investors such as yourselves who can see the future and put up the needed capital for continued R&D work. A sum of £25000 from each of you would secure a 10% controlling interest in the company and a seat on the board.
Looking forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq.
Shlockman, Sueman, Kneebreaker and Stall
Attorneys at Law
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