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Date Posted: 18/07/06 2:45am
Author: Barry Toodleberry
Subject: Public Discussion Period for X459A34.5 has begun
The public discussion period for X459A34.5 has begun and the ANSI committee is seeking your feedback. Below are the details for this new standard -
Title: "Acceptable curvature limits for longitudinal axis of the common banana"
Scope: To define numerically the maximum and minimum radi along the longitudinal axis of bananas intended for human consumption, and acceptible techniques for the measurement of the same.
Background: It has come to our attention that certain people are producing bananas that are not up to scratch. Specifically some are too curved while others are almost straight. Irregularly shaped bananas would have a significant impact upon standards of living, world wide. To prevent negative fallout from the production of misshapen bananas ANSI has taken it upon itself to regulate the curvature of this fruit.
We seek your input in the following areas -
1. How would an irregularly shaped banana affect you personally?
2. How should we measure bananas?
Draft copies of the 2,456 page standard can be obtained from ANSI for a ridiculous fee.
Regards
Barry Toodleberry
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Replies:[>
Re: Public Discussion Period for X459A34.5 has begun -- Major Bloodshot Gwallopy (Quietly outraged),
18/07/06 2:51am
My god, its about time.
Doesn't anybody remember the great Banana War of '69?
How many brave men died because the southern growers wanted to produce straight bananas! Make it easier to store and pack they said. Make it cheaper to ship them, and easier to handle! But what of tradition!
We said no! Our bananas will not be changed, and we went to war. I personally received a banana wound to my leg, and thousands others broke bones as they slipped upon banana peels on the battlefield. There was blood and banana mush everywhere.
Never have I felt more strongly about an issue. I fought once before for this cause and I would do so again!
Its about time a standard was produced!
MBG
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Re: Public Discussion Period for X459A34.5 has begun -- Lieutenant Harold Jones,
21/07/06 11:19am
My dearest Major Bloodshot Gwallopy,
Oh how I remember the battle in ’69, it was you who lead all us chaps up "banana mush hill" to confront the enemy! I’ll never forget Ernie whatshisname , that bloke from York and of course the Staff Sergeant Drumming or Dumont. We carried you back to HQ after you were wounded, three long days slogging down through bananas and carnage all around. I do think either Ernie or Yorkie or Drumming or Dumont or yourself died in our arms along the way. I’ll never forget!
Lieutenant Harold Jones
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Re: Public Discussion Period for X459A34.5 has begun -- B. Haviour,
18/07/06 2:57am
I don't know why you're picking on bananas!
Some are bent, some are straight, they can't help the way they were born. This is banana eugenics brought out of the closet, and I hang my head in shame. What are we coming too!
It justs a simple fruit that never did anyone any harm. All it wants is to be left alone, to have baby bananas, and to be eaten in peace.
B. Haviour
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Re: Public Discussion Period for X459A34.5 has begun -- Bruce (Buggered if I know),
18/07/06 3:03am
Yeah well here in Oztralia, ever since the storms in the northern part of the country, that killed 80% of our banana crop, they have shot up in value.
Some stores now take Visa, Mastercard, or bananas, they're that valuable.
Bruce.
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Re: Public Discussion Period for X459A34.5 has begun -- Bruce(not the same one),
18/07/06 5:47pm
I was just talking about this with me mate Bruce and my Sheila. While it would seem a good bit of an idea to use banana instead of Visa, the shopkeepers often make change with slightly imperfect kiwi or downright rotting grapefruits.
Well I am off to the local with a sack of kiwi an see if I can get a pint.
Bruce
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Report: Subcommittee On Banana Coloration -- Reginald Frothing,
18/07/06 7:26pm
Barry,
Here is the report from the subcommittee on banana coloration.
The subcommittee has drafted the following guidelines using the standard PANTONE color charts.
A- Body color between PANTONE S2-1 & PANTONE S5-6 over 96% of the fruit, and having less than 2% PANTONE S8-1 evenly distributed and less than 1% PANTONE S318-4 except on the stem.
B- PANTONE S270-2 is allowed for export only.
Depending on the final maximum and minimum radii along the longitudinal axis of bananas, we may need to adjust these for refractive index of the skin and diffraction of the laser due to the naturally occurring irregularities of the banana. We will of course still need at least 7 million to develop a pocket sized device the banana inspectors could carry out inspections with. The current instrument requires at least to vehicles to carry the generator and instruments.
At least one of the subcommittee members has also raised the question of mean diameter on measurements in the visible spectrum as balanced with infrared readings.
The subcommittee final report is scheduled for July 15, 2023, in the interim hard bound copies of the report will be available monthly, each containing an updated report and the full text of all previous reports.
Reginald Frothing
Chairperson
Subcommittee On Banana Coloration
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Re: Report: Subcommittee On Banana Coloration -- Syliphant Wormsgrill OBE; ARK; RADIATORCAP.,
18/07/06 9:44pm
The subcommittee also came up with some amazing findings regarding the "boomarang-ablity" of E
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Re: Report: Subcommittee On Banana Coloration -- Reginald Frothing, 19/07/06 7:00am
Syliphant,
I thought you had been thrown off the subcomittee for banana fragrance for passing gas during the initial stages of testing, you bugger you! How did you land a spot on the aerodynamics subcommittee? Helps to have a dad in high places!
Reginald Frothing
Chairperson
Subcommittee On Banana Coloration
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Re: Report: Subcommittee On Banana Coloration -- Haba Dashery ((probably certain)), 20/07/06 1:12am
Reginald,
I thought the aerodynamics subcommittee had been disbanded.
If thats not the case, I'll have to get over and tell the boys working on the successor to the concorde, "Concorde, The Next One". Their original idea was to measure the aerodynamic efficiency of a banana at supersonic speeds, but they gave that up and went with an animal shape (octopus I think), when they thought the aerodynamics subcomittee had been disbanded.
BTW, we are talking banana aerodynamics, right?
Regs
Haba Dashery
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Re: Report: Subcommittee On Banana Coloration -- Reginald Frothing, 20/07/06 4:13pm
Haba,
Glad to hear of your work on Concorde, the boys at the aerodynamics subcommittee could really use your help. Seems they are flinging bananna all over like boomerangs and making quite a mess of things. I was hoping you might lend them use of your wind tunnel or at least a small desk fan, some bits of paper, a stop watch and some sticky tape.
This would at least distract them for a while.
Reginald Frothing
Chairperson
Subcommittee On Banana Coloration
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Re: Report: Subcommittee On Banana Coloration -- Haba Dashery, 21/07/06 1:55am
Reginald,
They have my desk fan. It doesn't quite get to mach 2, but it does make it to 23km/h especially on a new set of batteries, and they said they can extrapolate from there.
I also sent them a shipping container of confetti, which was a bit of mistake. I went to visit them the other day, and the confetti is everywhere, all over their desks and the floor. They said its hard to keep it out of places once you let it go. I should have bought a vacuum cleaner for them as well.
Haba
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Re: Report: Subcommittee On Banana Coloration -- Reginald Frothing, 21/07/06 8:29am
Haba,
You should have given them a case of sticky tape as I suggested, they would hav wrapped themselves in it as usual and kept all the confetti from getting everyhere. I do hope you did not include any white glue or glitter as last time they got it all over the computer and printer.
Reginald Frothing
Chairperson
Subcommittee On Banana Coloration
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