[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message ]
Date Posted: 18/12/05 10:04am
Author: Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq.
Subject: Trollops for hire.
Dear MFCC,
Couldn’t help but notice in your reply to other correspondence on this forum, you mentioned that your "lovely lady wife" had been dead for nigh on ten years. Well this is your lucky day, while trolling the east end today my associate Mr. Anthony Kneebreaker had a revelation, it seems the lads there are just not up to the job requirements. So Mr. Kneebreaker began looking at the distaff workforce as a means to fill the position of automobile starter, door tester, toilet lid lifter and other sundry tasks. He selected several of the "young ladies" to perform the simple task of "walk round the corner and start up the Datsun B210 Honey Bee or whatever the jap’s call it" several of the "young ladies" were able to perform the task. All but two were disqualified either by age (45+) of being "with child" a pre-existing condition, our insurance will not cover either. Of the two remaining candidates one walked right up to the Datsun and found where the key fit, the other however was found at the nearby omnibus depot trying the key in the lockers and muttering something about methamphetamine. While this young lady is not quite up to OUR standard, we thought you may find use for her in your enterprise. An examination by our company physician has shown that although she looks to be about the chronological age of sixty, her mental age is that of a six year old. Records from her stay at "Her Majesty's School For Wayward Girls" indicate she has much potential. Her record is a mile long to say the least and her true age is 17. Here are just a few examples of her accomplishments during the past few weeks, having left the Public Education system myself at an early age I am not sure what these grades represent but there are a lot of them.
First/Middle/Last Booking #: Inmate ID:
KAREN ANN
Date of Birth: Race: Sex: Eye Color: Hair Color: Height: Weight:
1/28/1986 W F HAZ GRY 5'6" 135lbs
Occupation: HOUSEKEEPING
Type: Offense: Count: Statute: Bond:
F OBS/RESIST EXECUTIVE OFFCR 1 69 PC 5000
F (F)VANDALISM ($400 OR MORE) 1 594 (B)(1) PC 5000
F INFLICT CORPORAL INJ ON SPOUSE/C 1 273.5 (A) PC 5000
M OBS/RESIST PUB/PEACE OFFCR/EMER 1 148 (A)(1) PC 1000
M DISORDERLY CONDUCT:ALCOHOL 1 647 (F) PC 500
M POSS CONTRL SUBS PARAPH 1 11364 HS 1000
M OUTSIDE AGENCY WARRANT ARREST-M 1 O/W-M 2500
M USE/< INFL OF CONTRL SUBS 1 11550 (A) HS 1000
M DUI ALCOHOL/0.08 PERCENT 1 23152 (B) VC 1740
M DRV WHILE LIC SUSP/REV FOR RECKL 1 14601 (A) VC 810
M FALSE ID SPEC PEACE OFFCRS 1 148.9 (A) PC 1000
M DIS COND:< INFL OF DRUG 1 647 (F) PC 500
F POSSESS CONCENTRATED CANNABIS 1 11357 (A) HS 5000
M EVADING PEACE OFFICER 1 2800.1 (A) VC 1000
M DUI ALCOHOL/DRUGS 1 23152 (A) VC 1740
M BATTERY ON PERSON 1 242 PC 1000
As you can see from just the past two days test scores, Karen Ann has exhibited the ability to score high and being a housekeeper has to be a plus to a gentleman in your situation. Therefore I am sending her over to your place in a handsome cab, she should be arriving shortly.
PS- our physician strongly suggests you lay in a large supply of vodka, gin and something he calls methamphetamine as it seems Karen might have seizures if these items are not available round the clock.
Karen Ann also may not sleep for three or more days since Anthony did, out of necessity provide her with a few grams of the aforementioned methamphetamine before hurling her into the handsome cab.
Sincerely,
Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq.
Shlockman, Sueman, Kneebreaker and Stall
Attorneys at Law
PPS - I tried to post a photo but try <a rel=nofollow target=_blank href="http://lakesheriff.com/bookingdetail.asp?booknum=16573">http://lakesheriff.com/bookingdetail.asp?booknum=16573</a>
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
[ Contact Forum Admin ]
Forum timezone: GMT+0
VF Version: 3.00b, ConfDB:
Before posting please read our privacy policy.
VoyForums(tm) is a Free Service from Voyager Info-Systems.
Copyright © 1998-2019 Voyager Info-Systems. All Rights Reserved.
|
|
Feedback: 