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Date Posted: 30/12/05 6:51am
Author: Anonymous
Subject: New Years Resolutions.
New Years Resolutions.
1. Eat more Howler Monkey Meat, it’s low in trans-fatty acids as long as killed suddenly.
2. Raise pigmy goats in my condo, shovel dung out 2nd floor window onto neighbors BMW.
3. In July invite neighbor over for Shish kebab, after killing pigmy goats and pouring blood on neighbors BMW.
4. Take more late night walks, it’s a good time to hunt Howler Monkey’s.
5. Give all my clothes to Salvation Army, wear bubble wrap instead.
6. Give up on "blast forming" aluminum pots to my head with blasting caps.
7. Eat more things that look questionable and are found in the gutter.
8. Sand off my fingerprints at least once a week.
9. Grow slime in the bathtub.
10. Raise opossum for fur and sell to a Paris designer as seal fur.
11. Sell my lint collection on Ebay as "Moon Fuzz".
12. Design a better "pothole" and win Nobel prize for wheel alignment.
13. Ride the bus more often, on top without paying fare.
14. Study with Hindu fakir so I can "bob" for frenchfries in hot oil.
15. Get a rat and collar, walk it through the streets telling everyone it’s a Norwegian chihuahua.
16. Get a Rabies shot.
17. Send fumigator to neighbors condo, about 11PM after they are asleep.
18. Collect mustard containers from hot-dog vendors in as many cities as possible.
19. Learn to play the oboe, contrabassoon and washboard.
20. Go on tour with Leon Redbone.
Anonymous
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