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Date Posted: 02:52:18 09/17/02 Tue
Author: Sonali
Subject: TORN - CHAPTER 10 (Yeah Z, I'm THAT anxious to post...lol!)

CHAPTER 10

I quickly swallowed again, making sure my pills went down and found my voice.

“I thought you left already,” I said.

“Answer me, what are you doing?” I sighed.

“It’s not what you think. It’s complicated.”

“Oh yeah, popping pills is so complicated. I knew I should have known better than to trust you. I should have gone with my gut. People like you make me sick! Not only are you hurting yourself, but you’re hurting the people around you who care about you. That’s fine, go ahead and take that shit, but not around us. We have a zero tolerance policy when it comes to drugs,” Justin spat out. The Justin whom I had met came back with a vengeance. By the time he had finished berating me, I had tears streaming down my face.

“Can I explain,” I managed to choke out.

“I don’t want to listen to anything you have to say. God, I just don’t know what the hell is wrong with you – with me! To think I let myself be fooled by you. You – I don’t even know who you are anymore. I don’t even know if I got to know the real you. And to be honest, I don’t give a fuck anymore. I don’t give a flying fuck about you. How could you hurt me like this? But I must say thank you because you saved me from making one hell of a mistake. I could kick my own ass for thinking that I was starting to fall for you. You DISGUST me.”

“JUSTIN! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE,” Johnny yelled.

“Seems as though out perfect little Sonali isn’t so perfect – look,” Justin said, grabbing my bottle of pills and showing Johnny. He sighed and shook his head.

“Sonali-”

“No, I’ll take care of this if I have the chance to speak now,” I said interrupting Johnny.

“Justin – sit down, shut up, and listen,” Johnny instructed. I took a deep breath and wiped my tears away.

“Justin, when I was 16, I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. There’s no cure but there are treatments to keep it under control. It took me two years before I could get my life under control and back to normal. The pills you just saw me take are PRESCRIBED by a DOCTOR and I told Johnny all about this before he hired me. I didn’t tell you guys because I wanted to be treated normally and frankly, it’s not something I like to talk about, so I’d appreciate it if you could hold back from telling the others.” I gathered my things up and walked over to Justin so I could take the bottle back from him. I didn’t dare look him in the eye. I couldn’t. He touched me softly on my arm but I pulled back.

“Sonali, I am so sorry,” he whispered. I turned and walked away, too hurt, too stunned for words.

“Justin, you just need to give her time and respect her wish for you not to tell the other guys,” Johnny said. Justin nodded and after a while, remembered that Britney was leaving tonight. He got up and headed back to the hotel.




“Hey doll, wanna grab something to eat,” JC asked as I walked off the elevator.

“No, I’m not hungry. In fact, I’m kinda tired so I’ll be in my room taking a nap if anyone needs me,” I said softly.

“Alright. Are you sure you’re feeling okay?” I nodded and headed into my room only to find Brit there. She looked depressed.

“Hey,” she said softly.

“Hey. C’mon now, no sad faces,” I said in an attempt to cheer her up.

“You’re one to talk. Are you okay?” I sighed.

“Yeah. Bummed that you’re leaving. Tired. Think I’m PMS-ing.”

“Alright. Give me a hug. Justin’s on his way over and well, I don’t know if I’ll see you before I leave.” I hugged her but tensed once she mentioned Justin’s name. She thankfully did not notice.

“Have a safe trip and call me every now and then,” I said.

“You too. Take care and look after the boys for me,” she joked. I smiled and she walked out. I sighed and collapsed onto the bed. In less than five minutes my life went from peachy keen to royally fucked up. I kept hearing Justin’s words echo through my mind. The only ones that really, truly affected me, scared me, made me open my eyes were ‘falling for you.’ I laid on my back, staring blankly at the ceiling.

He’s falling for me? What about Britney? When did it happen? What was I going to say to him now? How was I supposed to act? Did the other guys know? Should I quit or should I stick it out? I couldn’t talk about this with any of the other guys so all of these questions were gonna have to be answered by me alone. What scared me the most was the fact that I felt butterflies in my stomach when I heard him say that. I liked it, which meant that I liked him – and NOT in a brotherly manner like the other guys. This was not supposed to happen. I made a promise to myself not to fall for any of them. I would not break that promise, that was for sure.




I jumped when I felt two big arms around me.

“Relax Sonali, it’s me, Lonnie.” I did relax.

“What are you doing?”

“Carrying you to the bus. The guys will be done in half an hour and then we’re on our way to Washington,” he said. My eyes shot open, realizing I had slept through the concert.

“Whoa, relax woman. They said not to bother you and let you rest. Are you feeling better?”

“I guess. Alright, I’m up. We should go.”

“Okay. You sure you’re alright?”

“Yeah, just kinda dazed. I’m fine, really. Let’s stop at McDonald’s before we pick up the guys,” I said with a grin. He smiled back and we were on our way.



“Alright, call me as soon as you get in, okay,” Justin said to Britney. She nodded as he wiped away her tears.

“I miss you already,” she said. He smiled and kissed her one last time before he closed the door to her limo. He watched her drive away and then got onto the bus.

“Want some fries,” Chris asked.

“No thanks, I’ll be in my bunk,” he said. Justin needed to think. He had been a royal ass to me but he knew I didn’t care about what he had said to me regarding the pills. He couldn’t believe in his fit of rage he let it slip that he thought he was falling for me. It was the truth, though, ever since my birthday, he had been attracted to me. In an effort to squash those feelings of attraction, he’d acted like an ass, hoping to shut me out and flush me out of his system. Of course it didn’t work. And once we really started to get along and get to know one another better, his feelings only grew by the day. But there was Britney. He really did love her. But he also liked me. He knew I was avoiding him, but sooner or later, we’d have to talk. The sooner, the better.




The next few days, I was able to keep myself busy. Translation, I had managed to avoid Justin and without arising any suspicion from the guys. They were oblivious but I knew that my luck would run out soon enough. I figured I could hold out the two remaining weeks I had with them, but unfortunately, Justin couldn’t. The guys had gone to dinner and I told them I had work to do. After I left, Justin told the guys he had to call Britney. I heard someone knock on my door and sighed when I saw who it was. I opened the door and walked back to the bed where I had been doing some paperwork.

“Sonali, please just give me five minutes. You know that the others will find out soon enough that something’s up between us again.” I sighed and looked at him.

“Five minutes.”

“First of all, I am so sorry for jumping the gun. I’ve seen firsthand how drugs can fuck up someone’s life and I didn’t want to see it again, especially you.”

“It’s okay, I understand where you’re coming from.” And I did. I could tell he was being genuine.

“Okay, I guess there’s no way to beat around the bush so I’ll tackle this head-on. I do like you a lot. I have for a while. I figured it was nothing and it would go away but it didn’t. So I acted like an ass towards you and that didn’t work either. There’s just something about you that’s making me feel things no one has ever made me feel.” I stared at him, soaking up his words. I spoke calmly, choosing my words carefully.

“Justin, while I’m flattered you feel this way, you also have to remember that you have a girlfriend who loves you. And even if you didn’t, this would be so inappropriate, so unprofessional. Do you see where I’m coming from?”

“Yeah I do. And you’re 100% right. I do love Brit and I feel horrible just having to talk to you like this. I’m still thinking this is something that will pass. I know I’ve created this awkward and tense atmosphere again, and I know that we can’t go back to having things quite as normal as before, but I’d really like to think we’re both mature enough to try.”

“Yeah, not completely normal, but I’m willing to give it a try if you are. Let’s try to all enjoy the last two weeks,” I said. He hugged me and left to go call Britney. He and I both knew things would never be the same between us but we came pretty close considering the circumstances.





Before I knew it, it was already the night of the last concert in Orlando.

“Sonali, could you please come in here for a minute,” Johnny asked. I felt a little uneasy as I headed into his office. I saw the other guys sitting there as well, all wearing serious looks on their faces.

“What’s going on?”

“Sit down please,” Johnny said. I did.

“Okay, now we really need you to think about what we’re going to ask you,” Lance said.

“We know that you’re off to school in two weeks but we’re off on another tour in a month,” Chris said.

“it was already the night of the last concert in Orlando.

“Sonali, could you please come in here for a minute,” Johnny asked. I felt a little uneasy as I headed into his office. I saw the other guys sitting there as well, all wearing serious looks on their faces.

“What’s going on?”

“Sit down please,” Johnny said. I did.

“Okay, now we really need you to think about what we’re going to ask you,” Lance said.

“We know that you’re off to school in two weeks but we’re off on another tour in a month,” Chris said.

“You have been such a great assistant, but more than that, a friend, our baby sister,” JC said.

“We would like for you to come on the second leg of our tour. Johnny’s done all the paperwork to extend your contract. All you need to do if sign,” Justin said. I was shocked to say the least. I knew I had become close with all of them, but not to that extent. I knew I wanted to sign, but I was still a little weary about Justin. I figured that we had managed to overcome so much shit in such a short time period that I knew it would be dumb to walk away now. My family was not going to be happy, I thought to myself. Suddenly I grew very aware of six pairs of eyes intently watching me debate in my mind. I smiled.

“Does someone have a pen I can borrow?” The guys all hugged me and I started laughing.

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