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Date Posted: 15:06:07 09/19/02 Thu
Author: Sonali
Subject: TORN - CHAPTER 11

CHAPTER 11



After the last show, we all headed home. I needed time to recuperate and prepare for the next tour. The time I spent at home with my family was nice and relaxing. They were more understanding than I thought they would be about me taking the semester off to be with the guys again. I think it helped that I was able to pay off the two loans I had on my name for school. I also told my mom that the money I made on this tour would go towards the loans she had on her name. She said she’d never been more proud of me and realized I was indeed an adult now. The month flew by, it seemed like, and before I knew it, I had my bags packed again.

“You’ll be okay, right,” my mom asked.

“Of course.”

“Alright, call us once you get to Orlando.” With that, I left again. We were leaving tomorrow but tonight I was staying with the guys again. I got there and realized how much I had missed them when they all hugged me. We spent the night talking about what we had done during our vacation. Before I went to bed, the last thought that crossed my mind was the question if Justin could be any finer than he already was…


There were a few changed for this tour, but for the most part everything was pretty much the same. Instead of going out with the guys to the after party, I decided to relax and hit the pool.

“That sounds like fun. Can I keep ya company,” Justin asked.

“Sure. Meet me down there whenever,” I said as I headed to my room to change. I dug through my bags until I found my swimsuit which was a plain black bikini with a halter-style top and the boy shorts. I grabbed a towel and threw on a rode. I put my hair up in a bun and headed downstairs. Justin had beat me there and was sitting on the edge with his legs dangling in the pool. His back was to me so I crept up softly and then pushed him in all the way. I started laughing.

“Not good, Sonali, not good at all,” he said once he came up.

“Oh, you were already half way in,” I said as I took off my robe and got into the pool as well.

“Don’t worry, I’ll get you when you least expect it. Anways, how come you didn’t want to go out tonight?”

“Eh, I just didn’t feel like it, which is rare. I just feel like vegetating rather than worrying if my skirt is riding up and all of that.”

“I know what you mean. Sometimes it’s just like, I need a break and I need to relax,” Justin said.

“Exactly.”

“So wheat else is going on in Sonali Land? Feeling okay?” I smiled as he carefully asked that last question. He knew he was treading on thin ice but I was touched that he was willing to take that risk.

“Yes, I’m fine. And not a whole lot is going on in Sonali Land as you put it. I’m too preoccupied babysitting these five boys,” I joked. He laughed.

“Boys? I’m not a boy, I’m a man,” he said playfully, sticking out his chest.

“Oh really?”

“Uh huh. See,” he said as he came in close to me. I was already against the wall so I had nowhere to go. We were both quiet, staring at each other. Friends, Sonali. I kept saying that to myself. Ever since I had come back, there had been a nagging thought in the back of my head but I had managed to keep it tucked away with work or just ignoring it. Now it was slowly surfacing and I was getting more concerned with each moment that passed.
“Ju-Justin, stop playing around,” I said softly.

“I’m not playing around. I can’t stop thinking about you. I know I told you that I thought this would pass and we could go back to being friends, but I was wrong. This is crazy, I know, but those lips, I need to kiss those lips,” he said softly. And he did. I let him kiss me. Then I realized what had happened and I pushed him away. I got out of the pool and went upstairs. Justin wasn’t far behind me, and just as I reached my door to my room, he reached me.

“NO! We CANNOT do this. It’s wrong on so many levels. Britney! Your girlfriend! My friend! You’re my employer! It would throw off the chemistry with the other guys. We CANNOT do this Justin, we can’t,” I said, unable to look him in the eye as I said all of this. He tilted my chin up so I was forced to look at him.

“You don’t think I know these things? I do and it KILLS me. I’ll walk away right now and never, ever bring this up again if you tell me that this is wrong because you don’t feel the same way I do.” I knew I couldn’t say that because it wasn’t true. I did feel the same way. He knew it and so did I, now that I was able to really confront that nagging thought. I had fallen for Justin Timberlake. I don’t even know when I developed these feelings for him, but all I know is that I had shut them away until now.

“Justin, there’s so much at risk. What are we doing?”

“Sonali, for the next six hours forget about everything and everyone. Forget about B, forget about the guys, forget about me being your boss. For the next six hours, we’re thinking about us – Sonali and Justin. And we did. I opened my door and as soon as I shut it, our lips were all over each other. Never could I imagine a kiss making me feel so wonderful. Little did I know that was nothing compared to what else we did that night. But the best feeling in the world was having his arms wrapped around me. I looked at the clock which read 3:48 am.

“Justin, what now?” He sighed.

“Honestly, I don’t know.”

“We can’t tell anyone. None of the guys can know.”

“I know.”

“Justin?”

“Hmmm?”

“Where did you learn to kiss like that?” He started laughing, thinking I was going to ask him a serious question.

“Oh you mean like this,” he said as he climbed on top of me and kissed me.

“Uh huh,” I said breathlessly.

“I’ll tell you if you tell me how you do that thing with your tongue…” Now it was my turn to start laughing.

“Silly boy. A pro never reveals their secrets,” I said with a smile. We both cracked up. By 6, I woke him up so he could sneak back to his room. He kissed me one last time before he left, leaving me with a big grin on my face but a big ache in my heart. What had we done?




The next two weeks made me feel as if I were a spy, sneaking around with Justin all the time. We would spend any free time we had together. The guys didn’t seem to notice our behavior and we were beyond thankful for that. It was much different than I had thought it would be. It wasn’t based on a physical relationship, but most of the time we just relaxed, talked and laid in bed together. It was almost a real relationship. Almost.




“Sonali?”

“Justin?”

“What exactly made you sick,” he asked softly. I sat up, putting his shirt on myself, and looked at him. I couldn’t help but smile. He had this concerned look on his face mixed with a bit of trepidation because he knew I didn’t like to talk about it.

“Well, medically speaking, my blood doesn’t produce an antibody which is needed for my skin to form properly. I had all these lesions on my body, so once they diagnosed me, they put me on this medication that kept them from inflaming, but they left scars. The medication had some nasty side-effects- weight gain, bone loss, all sorts of stuff. Then I started another treatment – an intravenous treatment where I got this medicine plus the antibody that my body doesn’t produce via an IV. That helped me decrease the dosages of the other medicines and finally I was able to decrease the frequencies of the transfusions. Now I’m on the minimum dose of my medication and I don’t have a transfusion until January. There is no cure, but these treatments will keep it under control. I’m not contagious either, so don’t worry.”

“Sonali, don’t even think like that. Wow. I am so sorry that happened. I can’t even imagine…but you said you had scars and I don’t see anything.”

“Bleaching agents and skin graphs.”

“Ohhh. But you feel fine now, don’t you? I mean if you ever feel sick, please, please tell me.” I smiled, touched at how concerned he was.

“I will, but physically I feel fine. Some days I let the medication get to me or after a transfusion, I’m really drained. Mentally, though, I try not to think about it but some days I get so angry asking why I had to get sick – worrying my family, all of the medical bills. But what gets me really angry is the possibility of me passing this onto my children, if I ever have any. I wouldn’t want to go through that.”

“Come here,” he said, engulfing me in his arms. That’s what I loved about Justin – instead of saying something cliché he shut up and held me, much more comforting than any words.




We had managed to let our ‘six hours’ turn into three weeks of not caring and forgetting about everything until reality came crashing down on the both of us. Britney decided to surprise Justin after her tour ended.

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