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Date Posted: 11:52:00 08/04/01 Sat
Author: A very Deranged Little One
Subject: The Room at The Psychiatric Hospital

White,
No,
Just looks white.
Been in here too long,
Can't even remember what white is,
I know the color,
soiled gray.

It is true,
The walls are covered with mattresses.
Dirty,
Gray,
Angry,
Unhappy mattresses,
Attached to the wall with vinyl straps,
Vinyl that I can't even chew through,
I've tried.

Only visible plaster is the ceiling,
Thats gray too,
And to far up to kick...

Thats why mattresses were put on the walls,
Kept kicking them in with my feet....
They took away my shoes,
Hoping I would stop,
But I didn't,
I broke all my toes several times kicking the walls,
Just kept kicking,
Screaming in agonizing pain with each kick,
But I couldn't stop.

Now they just have a pair of steel toe boots on my feet,
I kick the walls,
No damage,
Kicking the flagstone floor does no damage either.
I've stopped kicking.

They gave me a window room,
Thought the sunlight and the trees outside the window might sooth me.
One rainy night I saw a lightening bolt streak across the sky.
Grabbed to take the bold from the sky God,
The glass got in the way,
So I broke it,
The nurses came in to see what the hell happened,
I threw pieces of glass at them,
I was angry,
A piece of glass got into one of the nurse's eyes,
He was rushed to the hospital.....
He Never came back.

Now the bars are on the inside of the window,
To keep me away from the glass,
Rather than to just keep me inside...
I still go into trances when I see lightening.....

I lay in my bed at night,
Just a Dirty
Gray mattress, like those that line the wall,
This is my only comforting spot,
But lately I have been dreaming about kicking the walls,

In my dreams I have spikes in my boots,
And there is this one hump in the wall that I continuously kick,
It moans as I kick it,
Well,
More of a muffled scream,
Then the moans stop,
And so does the enjoyment.

I look down and I see a pool of blood at the bottom of the mattress wall,
It bent down,
Swipe my fingers in it,
Sniff it,
Then I write on the mattress with it,
" I like to kick the walls"....

Then I wake up....
The routine starts over again,
And I cry,
Because I know I'll never be healed.

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