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Date Posted: 03:19:47 10/07/04 Thu
Author: Tony Lang
Subject: Re: many people here to condemn...
In reply to: Joe 's message, "Re: many people here to condemn..." on 14:33:17 10/03/04 Sun

Jim Has started an interesting dialogue, he says he has read too many letters that have a condemning tone. Earlier Desiree correctly pointed out that the objectives of this web site were to report facts and support individuals who had left or are trying to leave UBF.
I have been following this web site for about three years or more, and I think it is possible for original objectives to, perhaps not change but to expand. There has since I have been reading here been a growing desire to communicate with UBF members, and frustration at an apparent lack of response.
I dont have a problem with criticism of ubf, if it is constructive, after all the Book of Proverbs stated "Rebuke not a scorner lest he hate thee, rebuke a wise man and he will love thee". This is a justification of constructive criticism. Constructive criticism is a virtue, ridiculing is a vice.
However in the time I have been with this web I have seen a significant number of letters where the objective appears to be abusive and insulting. (Some of the replies to Brian Karcher I consider to be so). Why is this so? Well it may be that some ex-members have a lot of anger over what they consider intense sustained abuse and they feel the need to vent this anger. This I can understand. On the other hand it could be an example of plain bad manners. I am trying to be neutral and objective here.
What I want to say is if we really want to communicate with individuals who are in UBF we need to observe a certain nettequette. This does not mean ignoring all the negative things that we perceive about ubf, but learning to express them in challenging innofensive way THAT COULD RESULT IN A RESPONSE. If people are unable to respond to this, well they have a problem.
I have had very interesting dialoges with ubfers and in order to do this one has to learn the skill of listening.
Dialogues not monologues is the only way to be effective and polite. Remember you are communicating with people.
Listening is a very underestimated gift. After all we want to be effective not just voices crying in the wilderness.
A mission with an objective to love Brian Karcher would hardly be an unchristian ideal, (maybe a challenging one0.
What I have stated may be difficult because RSQUBF is not an organisation it is a web site made up of individuals all of whom are at different stages on the road to personal development, so unity is unlikely. But lets have a little more loving even if we think it means loving the unlovable, at the very least we should try. God Bless you all.
You may not believe this but I love you all. Tony Lang

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