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Date Posted: 14:59:53 06/14/03 Sat
Author: NoBody
Subject: Embarasment (TT #1)

{At a Pheonix Promotion House Show, the crowd leaps to their feet as “Wait n Bleed” hits over the PA system. Pyros boom throughout the arena and lights flash as NoBody steps out onto the ramp! The crowd is roaring as the man walks down to the ring, laughing, his Tag Team title slung over his shoulder. He climbs into the ring and calls for a mic.}

NoBody: Where have I been this past week? I’ll tell you where I’ve been. I’ve been backstage, watching my tag team opponents at Shockwave come out here and make complete and total ASSES of themselves! That’s where I’ve been!

{The crowd cheers}

NoBody: Boys, I could have stayed backstage until my music hit at Shockwave if I wanted to. I could have just watched the two of you bungle through your attempts at intimidation. I could have just sat back there in my big, comfortable chair and laughed my ass off at just how inept the two of you are! Hell, it beat watching any sitcom out there! But I realized there were some things to be said, and since I knew my “esteemed” partner wasn’t going to get off his ass to come down here and say them, I figured I’d have to be the one to rip you boys a new one.

{Crowd cheers again}

NoBody: Now when The Higher Powers was just Nightmare and Ensign Pheonix, I didn’t think that the team could get any more pathetic. And how do you make a weak team stronger? You add more numbers. But somehow, by adding these jackasses K-Ron and The Black Flame, The Higher Powers became even more of a joke, even weaker. That’s not supposed to happen, now is it? Now I’ll give credit where credit is due. Nightmare’s got some talent in him. Not enough to run with me, but he’s got some talent. And Ensign Pheonix, he’s found a way to ride his name for this long despite having not a single shred of talent. So I guess that’s something to be said for him. But these other two? K-Ron? Black Flame? Who the hell are you guys? Did you both win a contest or something? The “Who Wants to Be Part of a Weak Crew?” contest of the week, perhaps? It just baffles me as to why the two of you are even allowed to walk down my ramp and step foot into my ring.
When it was just Ensign and Nightmare, we all lovingly called them The Heartless Powers. It worked. It made sense. But after this past week’s events, maybe we should be calling you boys The Higher Showers. I mean, Ensign storming into the locker room, pulling Black Flame out of the shower? A strategy meeting held in a steam-filled room, with one of my opponents wearing nothing but a towel? What in the sweet hell is going on? And Ensign, why did you pull Black Flame out of the shower? Why didn’t your queer ass just join him in there? You know you wanted to!

{The crowd laughs}

NoBody: And as if this past week hadn’t proved just how weak The Higher Powers are, and therefore, just how weak my opponents at Shockwave are, we have The Icon thrown into the mix. Last week The Icon made his return to The Pheonix Promotion, and just a couple of months after having his ass kicked by me and being run out of town by Phenom. So here is The Icon, a no-talent wrestler who had recently quit on the company now making his return. Here is The Icon, a man so weak that he always needs a stable to back him up in the ring. So where is he going to go once he makes his return? The Higher Powers, of course! It’s obvious! And yet….here was The Icon, this week, stating that he wasn’t sure if he was going to join The Higher Powers. That he wanted some time on his own in the Pheonix Promotion. Fellas, if you can’t get a washed up, never-was weasel like The Icon to join up with you, you know your crew is weak. And at Shockwave, I will make sure that The Higher Powers are buried for good when I stomp the hell out of two of its members. So Ensign Pheonix, Black Flame, I’d keep copies of all the promos you boys cut from here on out, because when I’m done with the two of you, you won’t be wrestling ever again. But maybe you can use those promos as audition tapes for your own show on Comedy Central!

{With that, “Wait n Bleed” hits again and the crowd roars. NoBody raises his fists, then steps over the ropes and heads backstage.}

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