Re: What's A Boundary -- Rock Creek Getting It Together

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Date Posted: 20:13:28 06/15/00 Thu
Author: dave
Subject: Re: What's A Boundary
In reply to: Greg 's message, "What's A Boundary" on 16:31:33 06/14/00 Wed

> The term "boundaries" is used a lot in group and I
> really wonder how many actually have a real
> understanding on what the term means. Edmund J. Bourne
> offers what I think is a real good description:
> "Boundaries simply mean that you know where you end
> and the other person begins. You don't define your
> identity in terms of the other person.AND ABOVE ALL
> YOU DON'T DERIVE YOUR SENSE OF SELF-WORTH AND
> SELF-AUTHORITY BY ATTEMPTING TO TAKE CARE
> OF,RESCUE,CHANGE, OR CONTROL THE OTHER PERSON. In the
> past few years the term 'co-dependency' has been used
> to define those people who, because they lack a solid,
> internal basis of self-worth, attempt to validate
> themselves through taking care of, control, rescue, or
> simply pleasing another person". I think this is a
> great definition!
OK....did you get my message last night..is this a message board..where the group tells the others how to fix their problems?
I may be unteachable right now..and sometimes when I am just a few days from my last 'Codependency acting out" episde, I just can't get it..

Yesterday, my"X" called and said..I am sick and broke..I said OK here is 300.00 go to the doctor and rest up..as the new 50 year old he is "bedding' with also said he was sick.

I gave him the money..and then called this afternoon to see what the doctor said. His mom said he went to the bank, cashed the check and drove to Kileen TX 340 miles away to spend a few days with his old girl friend..who is a boozer fag hag mess..so I have that "used" feeling again. I am trying to be thoughtful and help with a serious disease..and this guy is a veteran..yet he wont help himself..and it is another problem in my life..that I am not over...

I feel the need to be needed..so I use money to throw at people..it makes many people feel 'less than"...

I understand that feeling of..I keep trying to fix a problem I can't fix..with this looser..and yet I care about him mucho.
Not in alustful way either..as I lost that for him about the third time we were in an intimate way..he just kept getting DWI's and I kept buying him lawyers and doctors.

They should give me an award for this!

dw

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Replies:

Re: What's A Boundary -- Greg, 18:34:00 06/18/00 Sun
- Re: What's A Boundary -- Vicki, 22:00:43 06/19/00 Mon