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Date Posted: 08:59:22 04/23/02 Tue
Author: rockin chair
Subject: sc big brother (very random & lame!)

ok i have a confession: i'm addicted to big brother. its weird cos the only time i watched the first series was the final episode! anyway i found one of those mad lib things and put in silverchair names and others and this is what came out:
====
Big Brother

Day 1 - Daniel admits straight away that he doesn't like the
look of Natalie. He says she looks like a lesbian. As it turns
out, Sarah is in fact the only lesbian in the house, although
Ben later admits that he is unsure of his true sexuality.

2 - The house sit down for a discussion of how to organise
simple chores. Chris creates tension by stating that the
kitchen is where the women belong. Shakira hits him with a
skewer.

3 - The housemates are set their first task by Big Brother -
they must make a model of Central Park out of corn. After
much persuasion by Chris, they gamble 50% of next week's
food budget on completing the task.

4 - Training for the Central Park task is well under way.
However havoc ensues when Ben, who is rapidly developing
a reputation as the laziest fat bastard in the house, eats half
the corn. Shakira is furious.

5 - Today is the day when the Central Park task must be
completed. Things are going well until shortly before the
end when Ben farts and blows Central Park over. Big
Brother announces that the task has been a failure. Natalie
cries.

6 - Chris gets pecked on the arm by one of the Big Brother
chickens. Not a very exciting day.

7 - Big Brother is worried that things are getting dull, so he
summons the housemates to have a mass debate about
sex. After far too many cans of cider, Natalie admits that
she likes to be spanked on the arse with a skewer. Daniel
says he never wears condoms because they make his dick
sore and Chris agrees. Sarah goes into a rant about how
none of the other housemates have ever enjoyed a true
orgasm because they're all boring heterosexual bastards.
Ben sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up Chris.

8 - Today is the first day that the housemates must
nominate someone to leave. Daniel goes round everyone
one by one, telling them he really likes them because
they're the only one in the house that he can really relate
to. Shakira and Natalie are voted as the two candidates to
leave. Nobody votes for Daniel.

9 - Shakira and Natalie are told of their nominations and
burst into tears, before hugging everyone and telling them
they love them. Sarah sings them a song - Overprotected -
to make them feel better.

10 - The public vote Natalie out of the house. She pretends
not to be bothered but then breaks down and sobs that she
should never have admitted about enjoying being spanked.
Natalie leaves.

11 - Relationships are strained in the house as the
housemates come to terms with Natalie's departure. The
food budget is low due to the failure of last week's failed
task. Sarah has to make do without the cucumber she
requested. Shakira is visibly depressed and is comforted by
Chris, who tries to touch her on her thigh.

12 - The Big Brother pyschologist replays the footage of
Chris touching Shakira's thigh over and over again. This is
because it shows an interesting psychological incident, of
course, not because it will increase the viewing figures. Big
Brother sets the housemates the task of jogging on a
running machine for twice the circumferance of the globe.
They gamble 40% of the food budget on completing it.

13 - The running machine task is on target, despite the fact
that Ben refuses to run because his dick hurts a bit.

14 - Much jubilation in the house as the running machine
task is completed. Ben finally manages to run the last 10
metres of the task and claims that without him they'd never
have done it. Shakira calls Ben a lazy dick.

15 - Once again it is the day when nominations are due.
Daniel tells everyone individually that he thinks Shakira is a
whore. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at
his flat when the show is finished is welcome to come and
visit. Shakira and Chris are nominated by the housemates
to leave. Nobody votes for Daniel.

16 - The nominations are announced. Shakira can't believe
she's been voted out two weeks in a row. Chris is equally
stunned and turns to Shakira for comfort. Ben is distraught
and confesses to Sarah that he thinks he is in love with
Chris. Sarah says she doesn't fancy any of the housemates
because they're all just too heterosexual and she's a
lesbian, you know

17 - The public vote Chris out of the house. Shakira says she
is gutted and even gives Chris a clipping of hair from her
thigh to prove how much she cares. Ben is also devastated
but keeps his hair to himself. Chris leaves.

18 - The Big Brother psychologist shows repeated clips of
Shakira clipping the hair from her thigh. Apparently this is
an important psychological incident. The public obviously
agree as viewing figures soar.

19 - Big Brother sets the housemates the task of burping the
National Anthem of Finland in 60 seconds. They gamble 50%
of the food budget on completing it.

20 - Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of Finland
sounds like but Ben says it's a bit like Dancing Queen. The
housemates choose Daniel as the one who must complete
the task.

21 - Daniel successfully burps not only the National Anthem
of Finland but also God Save The Queen, Overprotected and
the theme tune to Flintstones. He is proclaimed as a hero,
despite the fact that a vote in a tabloid newspaper shows
that 98% of the public want to kill him.

22 - Nominations are due and Daniel tells everyone that he
has a Villa in the South of France and they can all come and
stay for a holiday. Ben and Sarah are nominated.

23 - Ben and Sarah take their nominations well and sit down
with Daniel and Shakira to discuss why they voted for them.
Daniel keeps quiet but Shakira accuses Ben of being an
arrogant, lazy, self-centred dick before bursting into tears.

24 - The public vote Sarah out of the house and nobody
really gives a shit. Sarah leaves.

25 - Daniel becomes the first housemate to have a wank.
This footage goes down well with the Big Brother pschologist
who proclaims that it gives us a true insight into the working
of Daniel's mind and brings out his true personality. In other
words, he's a wanker.

26 - Big Brother sets the remaining three housemates the
task of shifting 5000 tons of elephant dung using only a
skewer. Daniel is unsure but Ben is confident, claiming to
have done something very similar when he was younger.
They gamble 50% of the food budget.

27 - Completely out of the blue, Ben breaks down in tears
and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is
because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful
memories of the elephant incident from his childhood.
Shakira tries to persuade him to stay but Daniel sits in a
corner, rubbing his hands slyly. Ben decides to leave.

28 - With only two housemates remaining, the elephant
dung task proves impossible. They fail miserably and resort
to getting extremely pissed on some vegetable wine, made
by Shakira from a couple of mouldy carrots she found in the
Big Brother garden.

29 - Nominations are due for the final time. Daniel asks
Shakira to marry him and she accepts. Unsurprisingly Daniel
nominates Shakira to leave. Rather more surprisingly, so
does Shakira.

30 - When the nomination is announced, Shakira graciously
accepts defeat and proclaims that Daniel is a worthy winner.
As they are soon to marry, she also agrees to shag him. The
event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded by a
speech from the Queen. Everyone in the Big Brother
production crew breathe a huge sigh of relief as viewing
figures go through the roof. Daniel takes his £70,000 and
runs away to Finland. Nobody, including Shakira, ever sees
him again.

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