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Date Posted: 10:50:32 04/23/02 Tue
Author: silvia
Subject: Re: sc big brother (very random & lame!) & very funny! (nmsg)
In reply to: rockin chair 's message, "sc big brother (very random & lame!)" on 08:59:22 04/23/02 Tue

>ok i have a confession: i'm addicted to big brother.
>its weird cos the only time i watched the first series
>was the final episode! anyway i found one of those mad
>lib things and put in silverchair names and others and
>this is what came out:
>====
>Big Brother
>
>Day 1 - Daniel admits straight away that he doesn't
>like the
>look of Natalie. He says she looks like a lesbian. As
>it turns
>out, Sarah is in fact the only lesbian in the house,
>although
>Ben later admits that he is unsure of his true
>sexuality.
>
>2 - The house sit down for a discussion of how to
>organise
>simple chores. Chris creates tension by stating that
>the
>kitchen is where the women belong. Shakira hits him
>with a
>skewer.
>
>3 - The housemates are set their first task by Big
>Brother -
>they must make a model of Central Park out of corn.
>After
>much persuasion by Chris, they gamble 50% of next
>week's
>food budget on completing the task.
>
>4 - Training for the Central Park task is well under
>way.
>However havoc ensues when Ben, who is rapidly
>developing
>a reputation as the laziest fat bastard in the house,
>eats half
>the corn. Shakira is furious.
>
>5 - Today is the day when the Central Park task must be
>completed. Things are going well until shortly before
>the
>end when Ben farts and blows Central Park over. Big
>Brother announces that the task has been a failure.
>Natalie
>cries.
>
>6 - Chris gets pecked on the arm by one of the Big
>Brother
>chickens. Not a very exciting day.
>
>7 - Big Brother is worried that things are getting
>dull, so he
>summons the housemates to have a mass debate about
>sex. After far too many cans of cider, Natalie admits
>that
>she likes to be spanked on the arse with a skewer.
>Daniel
>says he never wears condoms because they make his dick
>sore and Chris agrees. Sarah goes into a rant about how
>none of the other housemates have ever enjoyed a true
>orgasm because they're all boring heterosexual
>bastards.
>Ben sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up Chris.
>
>8 - Today is the first day that the housemates must
>nominate someone to leave. Daniel goes round everyone
>one by one, telling them he really likes them because
>they're the only one in the house that he can really
>relate
>to. Shakira and Natalie are voted as the two
>candidates to
>leave. Nobody votes for Daniel.
>
>9 - Shakira and Natalie are told of their nominations
>and
>burst into tears, before hugging everyone and telling
>them
>they love them. Sarah sings them a song -
>Overprotected -
>to make them feel better.
>
>10 - The public vote Natalie out of the house. She
>pretends
>not to be bothered but then breaks down and sobs that
>she
>should never have admitted about enjoying being
>spanked.
>Natalie leaves.
>
>11 - Relationships are strained in the house as the
>housemates come to terms with Natalie's departure. The
>food budget is low due to the failure of last week's
>failed
>task. Sarah has to make do without the cucumber she
>requested. Shakira is visibly depressed and is
>comforted by
>Chris, who tries to touch her on her thigh.
>
>12 - The Big Brother pyschologist replays the footage
>of
>Chris touching Shakira's thigh over and over again.
>This is
>because it shows an interesting psychological
>incident, of
>course, not because it will increase the viewing
>figures. Big
>Brother sets the housemates the task of jogging on a
>running machine for twice the circumferance of the
>globe.
>They gamble 40% of the food budget on completing it.
>
>13 - The running machine task is on target, despite
>the fact
>that Ben refuses to run because his dick hurts a bit.
>
>14 - Much jubilation in the house as the running
>machine
>task is completed. Ben finally manages to run the last
>10
>metres of the task and claims that without him they'd
>never
>have done it. Shakira calls Ben a lazy dick.
>
>15 - Once again it is the day when nominations are due.
>Daniel tells everyone individually that he thinks
>Shakira is a
>whore. He also points out that anyone who wants to
>stay at
>his flat when the show is finished is welcome to come
>and
>visit. Shakira and Chris are nominated by the
>housemates
>to leave. Nobody votes for Daniel.
>
>16 - The nominations are announced. Shakira can't
>believe
>she's been voted out two weeks in a row. Chris is
>equally
>stunned and turns to Shakira for comfort. Ben is
>distraught
>and confesses to Sarah that he thinks he is in love
>with
>Chris. Sarah says she doesn't fancy any of the
>housemates
>because they're all just too heterosexual and she's a
>lesbian, you know
>
>17 - The public vote Chris out of the house. Shakira
>says she
>is gutted and even gives Chris a clipping of hair from
>her
>thigh to prove how much she cares. Ben is also
>devastated
>but keeps his hair to himself. Chris leaves.
>
>18 - The Big Brother psychologist shows repeated clips
>of
>Shakira clipping the hair from her thigh. Apparently
>this is
>an important psychological incident. The public
>obviously
>agree as viewing figures soar.
>
>19 - Big Brother sets the housemates the task of
>burping the
>National Anthem of Finland in 60 seconds. They gamble
>50%
>of the food budget on completing it.
>
>20 - Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of
>Finland
>sounds like but Ben says it's a bit like Dancing
>Queen. The
>housemates choose Daniel as the one who must complete
>the task.
>
>21 - Daniel successfully burps not only the National
>Anthem
>of Finland but also God Save The Queen, Overprotected
>and
>the theme tune to Flintstones. He is proclaimed as a
>hero,
>despite the fact that a vote in a tabloid newspaper
>shows
>that 98% of the public want to kill him.
>
>22 - Nominations are due and Daniel tells everyone
>that he
>has a Villa in the South of France and they can all
>come and
>stay for a holiday. Ben and Sarah are nominated.
>
>23 - Ben and Sarah take their nominations well and sit
>down
>with Daniel and Shakira to discuss why they voted for
>them.
>Daniel keeps quiet but Shakira accuses Ben of being an
>arrogant, lazy, self-centred dick before bursting into
>tears.
>
>24 - The public vote Sarah out of the house and nobody
>really gives a shit. Sarah leaves.
>
>25 - Daniel becomes the first housemate to have a wank.
>This footage goes down well with the Big Brother
>pschologist
>who proclaims that it gives us a true insight into the
>working
>of Daniel's mind and brings out his true personality.
>In other
>words, he's a wanker.
>
>26 - Big Brother sets the remaining three housemates
>the
>task of shifting 5000 tons of elephant dung using only
>a
>skewer. Daniel is unsure but Ben is confident,
>claiming to
>have done something very similar when he was younger.
>They gamble 50% of the food budget.
>
>27 - Completely out of the blue, Ben breaks down in
>tears
>and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is
>because the dung-shifting task has brought back the
>painful
>memories of the elephant incident from his childhood.
>Shakira tries to persuade him to stay but Daniel sits
>in a
>corner, rubbing his hands slyly. Ben decides to leave.
>
>28 - With only two housemates remaining, the elephant
>dung task proves impossible. They fail miserably and
>resort
>to getting extremely pissed on some vegetable wine,
>made
>by Shakira from a couple of mouldy carrots she found
>in the
>Big Brother garden.
>
>29 - Nominations are due for the final time. Daniel
>asks
>Shakira to marry him and she accepts. Unsurprisingly
>Daniel
>nominates Shakira to leave. Rather more surprisingly,
>so
>does Shakira.
>
>30 - When the nomination is announced, Shakira
>graciously
>accepts defeat and proclaims that Daniel is a worthy
>winner.
>As they are soon to marry, she also agrees to shag
>him. The
>event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded
>by a
>speech from the Queen. Everyone in the Big Brother
>production crew breathe a huge sigh of relief as
>viewing
>figures go through the roof. Daniel takes his £70,000
>and
>runs away to Finland. Nobody, including Shakira, ever
>sees
>him again.

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Replies:

  • YES! -- Jenna, 18:58:37 04/23/02 Tue
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