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Subject: Re: My Story part 14: the sneaky bulb


Author:
AV
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Date Posted: Tuesday, July 22, 2025, 04:57: am
In reply to: AV 's message, "My Story retold once more" on Thursday, June 05, 2025, 04:09: am

I was around 11-12 years old, I remember it was prior to me going into junior high, I was still fighting the urges, still pooping in my pants, and yes, still receiving enemas from mom. Eventually, she said to me, “if you want to go into junior high and still be pooping in your pants, go ahead.”
And soon after, she stops giving me enemas.
The strange thing was I felt like I could not have a BM without an enema.
One afternoon, I decided to do something.
I decided to sneak into the kitchen and find the enema bulb. I found it. It was inside a bottom cabinet sitting inside the mason jar.
But I had an issue, the cabinet made a popping and squeaking noise when open.
I had to be very very quiet about somehow opening that cabinet and simply putting my hand into the cabinet and feel for the jar so the cabinet would not squeak so much. I would reach in and put my hand inside the jar. To be honest, even as I write this, I can feel the rubber of that bulb. Another dilemma was I had to squeeze the bulb to get the bulb out of the jar. Oh my, my heart was racing. There I was touching the sacred enema bulb, squeezing the sacred enema bulb. I quickly as I could went to the bathroom with it. I had to make my own soapy water mix since I did not know mom’s. I had the bulb sitting on the floor and I figured I would lay across the top of the toilet and give myself the enema.
About that time, dad came to the door telling me it was an emergency, he had to go to the bathroom, to hurry.
I got scared and nervous. I quickly lifted the lid, flushed the toilet, washed my hands and left as if I used the bathroom.
As I walked out, dad quickly walked in.
I went into my room and waited for him to finish. As he came out, I waited a few minutes and walked back in. My jaw dropped. I forgot about the enema on the floor. I immediately thought, surely there was no way Dad could have missed it. He didn’t say anything though. I was done. Finished with the idea with giving myself an enema. My heart was racing even faster.
I squeezed the bulb into the sink and washed it. I now had to return it back into the squeaky cabinet which I successfully did.
Later, that evening, I did get that enema after my evening bath, but at the hands of mom. As I was taking my bath, she knocks in the door for me to unlock and open it. I quickly get out of the tub, unlock the door and jump back into the tub. Mom walks in and sits something on the sink counter, turns and leaves. I look. It’s the enema bulb and the filled mason jar. I decide to finish my bath and get out to dry off. As I am drying off, mom returns. She doesn’t say a word, she simply took my arm, lowered the toilet lid, and set down. I did not want my brothers to come in. I didn’t want this to be an enema struggle with me kicking and fighting. I don’t know if dad said anything, but It was just enema business as i went over her lap and received two good soapy enemas. Of course, I breathed and cried for her to hurry, “I gotta go! That’s enough! I gotta go!”
That was one of the last enemas I received from mom. Soon after I was back to sneaking the enema in during bath time. The only difference was I didn’t know mom’s solution mix and I had to make my own. I would sneak a disposable paper cup in with me to use as my mason jar.

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[> Subject: Re: My Story retold part 15 The mental battle


Author:
AV
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Date Posted: Thursday, July 24, 2025, 06:50: am

Taking a moment to reflect on something else that was going on during my childhood enemas and that was what was going through my mind as I sat on the toilet after receiving an enema by mom. Amazing after all these years, I can still remember. Of course, mainly because of how traumatic it was or how I made it. Remember my whole point of holding was because of the pain relating to having a BM. So now still my question as I am sitting on the toilet is how I was going to release the enema solution without it causing me pain? Here I am, forced, against my will, with warm soapy water now in me, crying as well, because I just experienced something I did not want. Now I wasn’t going to fight these urges for long. I never felt safe enough to just release. I always held even after crying “i gotta go i gotta go” over mom’s lap. It was like i was trying to have some control of an uncomfortable situation. In my child mind, I thought I could release a little warm soapy water at a time, I could eventually empty the warm soapy water out of me and still win the battle without having a BM. Did it work? Never. I was able to relax enough for some warm soapy water to come out. However, what my child mind did not realize was happening was two things. One, each time I released the warm soapy water, I was coating myself with the warm soapy water making a slippery runway for the locomotive. Two, the longer I held the enema in me, the longer time it had to work on me and soften the BM. The enema wasn’t just soapy water, it was warm soapy warm. Never hot, but very very warm. So that warm mixture of soapy water was softening the BM the longer I held it was I was fighting against not release it. I was really ignorantly helping the enema and doing mom a favor. After a couple of successfully releases of warm soapy water, the BM dropped lower into my colon and was ready to be released. I was losing control of releasing any more warm soapy water without the BM coming out. I had to take a deep breath and in my mind expecting pain and nothing else. But that is not what happened. It was like I was programmed automatically. I took a deep breath, gripped the side of the toilet, lifted my legs out, and relaxed to release what was already making its way out of me.
I had lost control. Everything in me, the rest of the warm soapy water first came out, then the baseball bat BM like a freight train. I was in shock mode of releasing my breath, gripping the toilet, body lifted and feet out, as everything in me came flowing out. When I lowered myself down, I was breathing for air because it was so fast and traumatic.
I literally felt the BM move through my colon, my body, and out of me like a snake.
It always completely emptied me. Mom always standing by the sink cleaning up waiting and always said, “That wasn’t so bad was it?” I always wanted to say, “yes, yes it was bad.” But I dared not give her another reason to put me back over her lap. I wanted this all over. My stomach was completely empty. I could suck my stomach in like it was touching my backbone. I was taking deep breaths trying to catch my breath. I was so exhausted that a nap was in my near future. Enemas just wasn’t a physical battle with mom and with my body but a mental battle with my thoughts that I always lost.

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