Subject:  Angelina Jolie Buys Her Little Boy A Knife |
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Date Posted: 15:50:28 10/14/08 Tue
Angelina Jolie Buys Her Little Boy A Knife
October 14th, 2008 at 18:00 by Stuart Heritage
As the adopted son of two millionaire actors, Maddox Jolie-Pitt is going to be exposed to the worst hardships on Earth during his lifetime.
That’s why Angelina Jolie has taken the only sensible option and bought seven-year-old Maddox his very first knife. It’s a kind gesture, and it’s sort of made us wish that Angelina Jolie was our mother, too - once, when we were seven, a boy at junior school took our Monster Munch, and that situation would have been resolved much more swiftly if we’d have just stabbed them through the neck with the knife our mum gave us.
But don’t worry, outraged citizens - Angelina Jolie isn’t stupid. That’s why she deliberately had the knife blunted before giving to Maddox. Now, instead of hurting someone with the knife, Maddox can merely foster a lifetime fascination with knives that culminates in him chopping up a pensioner with a katana one hour into his 18th birthday.
Did we mention that Angelina Jolie has a new film coming out soon? It doesn’t matter if we did or we didn’t, because the signs are pretty obvious anyway. Angelina Jolie has been ticking all the movie promotion boxes over the last few weeks - getting covered in tattoos, bringing traffic to a standstill in New York, getting a photo taken with a baby hanging off her tit. It’s textbook stuff - almost exactly the same way that John Wayne publicised The Fighting Seabees in 1944.
But that’s probably not enough - after all, the film that Angelina Jolie is promoting looks exceptionally dull - and that’s why Angelina has gone all out to make headlines by deciding to buy her seven-year-old adopted son Maddox a knife.
True, knife crime among youngsters may have skyrocketed lately with hardly a day passing without news of another tragic death, but it’s alright because Angelina Jolie had a fascination with knives when she was younger and she turned out OK. Sure, she’s got a string of broken marriages, a history of self-harming, an estranged father and a bizarre compulsion to give all of her children awful names behind her, but they’ve probably got hardly anything to do with the knife thing.
Anyway, according to The Telegraph:
The Hollywood actress says son Maddox has developed a fascination with blades, which she and partner Brad Pitt are happy to indulge.”My mom took me to buy my first daggers when I was 11 or 12. And I’ve already bought Maddox some things. We take him to a special shop. We also talk about samurais and about the idea of defending someone as good. We talk about everything.”
Actually, although it sounds like a massively irresponsible thing to do, Angelina Jolie buying a knife for her seven-year-old son is actually a perfectly good idea. After all, the world can be a scary place, and Maddox needs to know how to defend himself in any situation. For example:
PROBLEM: You’ve been kidnapped and held to ransom because of your moviestar parents. SOLUTION: Stab!
PROBLEM: The paparazzi are hounding you and your family. SOLUTION: Stab!
PROBLEM: Your rootless upbringing means it’s hard for you to make new friends. SOLUTION: Stab!
PROBLEM: Your newborn brother and sister are getting marginally more attention than you. SOLUTION: Stab!
PROBLEM: You’re in a crowded shopping centre and lashing out with a knife is the only way to hush the screaming voices in your head. SOLUTION: Stab!
Actually, given the tensions between Angelina Jolie’s children, handing Maddox a knife does seem a little bit dangerous. At least that’s what we thought, anyway, but since Angelina Jolie has also given Zahara a gun, Shiloh Nouvel a spiked medieval mace, Pax Thien a horse and jousting stick and Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline a little packet of anthrax each, it all balances out in the end.
http://www.hecklerspray.com/angelina-jolie-buys-her-little-boy-a-knife/200816683.php
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Psycho woman giving a 7 year old a knife, *sigh* even if she has it dulled not a responsible example as a parent. Isn't it thrilling when she opens her mouth for an interview? She doesn't even know how "far out" there she is. She believes her behaviour to be normal. Including the weird acceptance speech and kissing her brother for public veiwing afterwards. Worse yet, Brad believes it to be normal. I gave his intellect more credit than perhaps I should of. *shrug*
Oh, and I saw a preview of her new movie on tv today. Geez, not another accent for her. Everytime she fakes an accent I hear that dreadful accent she used in Alexander. It is the same character over and over. I think if she is buying her 7 year old knifes, she should quit acting and stay home and parent them to make certain there aren't any tragic accidents. If she were at work when it happens, I imagine, she would NEVER forgive herself. *stare*
She has found peace in her private life, why would she push for a career? She has lost her edge with being a mother, she should step away. Better to fad away then crash and burn.
They are acting like this movie is a big deal because Clint Eastwood directed it. In my personal opinion, Clint Eastwood makes the most "boring" films. I don't get why people fall all over him. I think he has average creativity at very best. *smirk*
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