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Date Posted: 00:57:44 07/20/05 Wed
Author: 百目鳥
Subject: 強戰世界

昨晚睡夢正酣,窗外忽然來了一輪疑幻疑真的閃電與響雷,繼而是難耐的焦熱,把老大不願起床的我弄醒;方發覺不單冷氣機停了,連一屋的電器也拒絕運作,自然令人聯想,是否將有巨大外星怪物要從地心掙脫而出。過了良久仍毫無動靜,要我命的只是冷氣機沉默依然,半點不似平日的喧鬧叫嚷。

沒有冷氣機,甚至沒有電風扇的仲夏夜叫人如何渡過?輾轉反側還是睡不著,赤裸的黑暗裡更凸顯存在的孤獨。沒事的,明天天一亮便去沖冷水浴吧。但誰又擔保明天一定到來?記得那次感冒發燒,一醒來竟然感到時間停止了─其實不是真的停止,只是我的腦部運作得越來越快,時間在我面前以不斷減半的速度行進:首先是客觀的0.5秒變成了我主觀的1秒,然後剩下0.5秒的一半即0.25秒又變成我的1秒,再然後是0.125秒變成1秒,0.0625秒變成1秒……就這樣,在彼世界的1秒完結之時,我的世界已是永恆。

就算我已不再害怕持續地失去過去和現在,我也始終會惶恐,我的未來永不到來啊。(昨日的你們雖然已隨過去在未來的我身邊失去了,但過去的我也沒有擁有未來的我身邊的明天的你們;唯有陷身在無語無響的冗長的夜的裂縫裡,我才真正回歸存在那一無所有的本質。)

焦熱與黑暗與永恆,而且誰都沒有存在;才不過是電箱跳fuse,就讓我嚐到了地獄的滋味。

2005/7/19

後記:第二朝一早醒來,發覺街上一切如故,昨夜的雷雨和地獄更覺可疑。然後又匆匆上班去,這個世界嘛,實在不管你強不強都要奮戰,才能生存下去的,

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