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Date Posted: 14:25:35 06/19/02 Wed
Author: Chris
Subject: Personal Update

Things seem to have gotten worse instead of better, despite the fact that I switched back to my old medication. (I had suspected that a new med was contributing to my problems, and thought that by changing back to the old one, they might go away somewhat) Instead, I am still out-and-out hating myself for every morsel of food I put in my mouth. Today I feel exceptionally horrible... cereal for breakfast, and I really binged at lunch, eating a whole grilled chicken sandwich and fries (they came with the order, I didn't eat too many) I almost made myself sick over the issue... then for dinner, mom picked up some Kentucky Fried Chicken for dinner.. I ate half of a small portion of popcorn chicken, and will have the other half later.

I'm looking forward to Friday, hoping that my therapist and I can come up with some positive solutions to help my distorted thinking. I'm tired of hating myself all the time, and I'm ready to give up on the idea of eating altogether. I don't know what I'm going to do if this doesn't go away soon... I don't know if I have the strength to keep fighting this. It's such hard work, and it seems easier to just give in to the feelings of skipping meals, or purging after eating.

I do thank you all for your support, it has been a great comfort for me...and I don't know where I'd be without you all. Thank you again, and I will post another update in a few days, most likely after my therapy appointment. Thanks to all for caring.

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Replies:

[> Re: Personal Update -- Stacy, 07:59:21 06/20/02 Thu

Keep sticking with it and get to your therapist! The good thing is that you realize you have an issue and are not afraid to seek help for it. Self-hate is a terrible thing, you are a beautiful, strong, vibrant young person with your whole life ahead of you. It's time to nip this in the bud before it ruins your life. You might need to look into a support group also, the more help and support the better. Maybe your therapist can recommend one. Are you writing down how many calories you eat a day? Maybe by getting it down on paper and seeing that the total is actually within an acceptable range for you it will lessen the guilt. I eat happily till I reach my daily limit, if I go over that's when my guilt sets in. Good luck with everything and keep us posted:)


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