Diary of a madman. -- Virlastyn Common Room

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Date Posted: 23:11:41 05/09/02 Thu
Author: Julian Emberson
Subject: Diary of a madman.

April Tenth, Two-Thousand and Two.

The joy of insulting people who think they're better when they're not, even when they tell themselves 'Oh yes, I'm going to make them look stupid by not being smart at all!', has been lost. Somewhere along the way I think I became too old for it. Or maybe it's just because of the people protecting her majesty. Is it because they want some sort of equality to be granted to someone who, well, is above all standards? Honestly, I don't know what to say.

Perhaps I shouldn't. I duly know that friendship is something nonexistent here. The only one I have ever even slightly regarded is Celeste, even though my lessons to her are dry and overused. There is a better life yet out there for her. As for any other face, they can mean any less. Yes, of course sometimes there is hope that maybe they would surpass just merely being another fish in the sea. Perhaps someone who a conversation could be shared with.

But I suppose not in this school. Not where everybody thinks they own everybody, and everyone thinks they're hiding something oh-so-important. Not when the inequality shadows over the want of peace between the lower classmen and the higher classmen. But then again, who else but the people you least expect to be quite so blind? Trying to make something better is as good as trying to be immortal. If you can't do it, don't try. Don't upset the balance until you know you're able to set it back. Otherwise, you'll end up like me.

In the valley of grey. I am neither higher nor lower, if anybody recognized. If you know me you hate me because I made you hate me. If you know me and you don't hate me, it's because you don't want me to hate you. If I like you, you're in deep shit. And there are some things that just can't stop themselves from happening.

I think I'm going to ask Riddle for a smoke. People piss me off and there's always him to turn to. He needs to give me the revision so I can start working on it, anyway. It's coming along great. Nothing Shakespearian, but certainly something I could dream about once every so often.

But you know what I still wish?

That there could be somebody out there who understands.

But wishing is for fools. I am therefore a fool among fools, hoping for a man, or woman, to come along and turn me 'round.

-- Julian

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Entries of confusion. -- Julian Emberson, 00:01:04 06/02/02 Sun