Entries of confusion. -- Virlastyn Common Room

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Date Posted: 00:01:04 06/02/02 Sun
Author: Julian Emberson
Subject: Entries of confusion.
In reply to: Julian Emberson 's message, "Diary of a madman." on 23:11:41 05/09/02 Thu

June First, Two-Thousand and Two.

For the past month, it seems that I have been finding a lighter part of myself. I don't know whether it was the alcohol that suddenly made me the happier person that I have continuously admitted I was, but all my dreary thoughts were set aside. My ignorance of them will most likely come back to haunt me, but that's beside the point.

I feel as I haven't felt in days. Perhaps years. I wouldn't count on myself to remember this life. New people, new faces, yes those I can remember... as for everyday, some things just lay so far in the back of your mind you tend to forget as soon as they arrive. Maybe it's not forgetting that I'm trying to say, but maybe... I don't quite have the word for it. I'm always at a loss of words when it's so clear to me in my head.

I guess, though, I'm trying to say you never really forget things. They're just too faded to see, and you're too numb to feel what they brought you. Remeber that even apathy brings you some emotion, whether indifference or contempt. Well. So apathy's different from both, but... I'm going to give up tonight.

I really don't like sounding stupid to myself. And I usually do.

-- Julian.

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