| Subject: ..What If.. |
Author:
Kat
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Date Posted: 10/10/13 11:17:18pm
In reply to:
Paige Haley
's message, "..What If.." on 10/ 8/13 10:56:32pm
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____‡_______‡___
What if I'm a weeping willow?
Laughing tears upon my pillow...
What if I'm a socialite
Who wants to be alone?
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Kat didn't turn to the sound of the opening door. Good God, her situation was humiliating enough...she didn't want to see the inital expression on Paige's face. Hell, she was scared of it. If she saw disgust on his face, she just didn't think she could bear it. She would understand it, of course...but it would cut her deep. If she had enough energy, that prospect might have pissed her off all over again...but she didn't. Instead, it made her feel alarmingly close to weeping, which was so much worse. Oh God, why hadn't she just stayed the hell away from downtown? None of this would have happened if she hadn't been so hellbent on getting a drink!
She listened to his footsteps as he approached her, her elbows propped on the rim of the toilet, her hands cradling her forehead. She was grateful for her concealing curtain of damp red hair, for it allowed her precious milliseconds to hide and compose herself. She blinked back the burning in her eyes and took a deep breath, making an effort to swallow her pride enough to ask for her clothes. Somehow, she couldn't remember feeling more humilated. She had been through some of the most degrading and horrific things at the hands of her husband...but those things, she had been a victim of. They had been humilating on a different level. This humilation was worse...because it was Paige seeing what she had allowed to become of her life. She had always dreamt that if their paths ever crossed again, it would be at a time when she was happy. A time when she was stable. Not this...not here, curled around a toilet in a seedy motel room, clothed only in a towel.
She pushed her hair over her bony shoulder, her hands shaking. Her lips were bluish from the cold of the shower, and her jaw quivered lightly as she peered at him for the first time. Her chocolate gaze met his of icy blue, and what she found there was enough to fracture what little heart she had left, buried under all those years of hurt. After everything...after her spitting hot anger and heated words, she didn't see disgust in those blue eyes. Instead, she found more concern than any single human had offered her in well over a decade...and compassion. How long had it been since she had witnessed that? Never once in the eyes of her husband, that was for sure. And when he spoke, the tenderness in his words caused the lost little girl that had been buried for so long within her to cry out. To beg to hold, to be held. To fianlly allow someone to help her. To admit that no, she couldn't do this on her own...that she was tired of fighting her battle, and oh, how she just needed a safe harbor. If only for a little while.
Her body moved before her mind had a chance to catch up. She pushed herself away from the toilet, bridging the distance between herself and Paige by scooting a few mere inches. She could feel warmth radiating from him before she even made contact, and it felt like Heaven on her icy flesh. With a shuddering little sigh, she curled herself against his chest, her small hands fisting in the fabric of his shirt, clinging as if he was the only thing that grounded her to reality. His scent assulted her senses, made her head spin with the familiarity of it. Even the faint odor of cigarette smoke was comforting, and in that moment, she finally allowed herself to go back in time to a place in her heart that she had kept locked away, a secret place she had denied for so long.
She wasn't even aware she was crying, her hot tears soaking into his shirt. "I'm just...I'm just so cold, Paige. I'm so cold, and I left my bag...and I'm just so tired...so tired of fighting...and god, I'm scared...!" She rambled, not caring if she wan't making sense, not caring about anything except for his warmth and his closeness in that moment. "I just want you to hold me a while, okay? I just really need that." She whispered against his chest, knowing she would rage against herself and probably him later for her words...but she just didn't care.
____‡________‡__
What if I'm a toothless leopard?
What if I'm a sheepless shepherd?
What if I'm an angel
Without wings to take me home?
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