| Subject: Re: Sad, alone, confused and hurt...please help |
Author:
Sharon
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Date Posted: 02/23/09 11:01am
In reply to:
Su
's message, "Re: Sad, alone, confused and hurt...please help" on 02/22/09 11:41am
Su,
My heart aches when I read your post.
First, the important thing is that you haven't aborted yet. Once you do(and I hope and pray you don't), you won't ever be able to do anything about it no matter how much you want to. So, right now is an incredibly important time.
I know you worry about being able to support yourself and two children. But, I promise you that you will find a way. I know this to be true - even though I don't know you, because I hear in your post your love for BOTH of your children. There are many programs and services designed just for single mothers! I benefited from them when my children were little. I'm now on the other end of it - paying the taxes that support these programs. And, I would love it if my tax money were to go to help someone like you! ;-)
There are programs that provide food vouchers (WIC - Women, Infants, and Children - is through your County Health Nurse and specifically provides you and your children up to age 5 with vouchers for healthy food such as milk, fruit juice, cheese, eggs, peanut butter, iron-fortified cereals, etc.), food stamps (which can be used for almost any food you like), heating assistance, rent assistance, daycare assistance. It's amazing how much is out there that many people don't know about. Your local crisis pregnancy center will probably be able to link you up to to the resources in your area, including these and more.
In fact - and I don't like to advertise this, but it's the truth - I found that when I got pregnant with my first son while I was going to college, I ended up having MORE income and MORE resources than I had when I was single and without a child. So, while I didn't get pregnant to GET the resources, the fact is I benefited to the point where I was BETTER off having a child than I had been when I was trying to get by on my own. So, the bottom line is that with two children, you would be in line for a great deal of assistance.
I think the major thing that's influencing you, though, is that you want the baby's father out of your life. I understand that, but it's not worth sacrificing your child and risking the impact that would have on your relationship with your daughter. It would seem that seeing your daughter would remind you of her sibling that wasn't there - and that you might feel pangs of guilt even being happy with your daughter knowing that you aborted her little brother or sister.
You would find a way to balance his role in your life IF he chose to play some role in your child's life. It may very well be, though, that he will choose to let that role drop.
Finally, if you decide you want to go ahead with the abortion, you owe it to yourself to fully educate yourself about the realities of abortion. There are web sites that show an actual abortion being performed on a 10-week fetus. It is heart-wrenching and eye-opening in terms of just how developed the fetus is at that stage. One in particular is http://www.abortionno.com (The abortion was performed in Russia where people don't have very much money and abortions are unfortunately very common. The photographer, a war footage photographer, got the abortionist to let him videotape the abortion in exchange for money. The photographer said his work videotaping war footage did not prepare him for the graphic realities of what an abortion looks like.) I know this sounds like harsh advice, but I would hate to find out AFTER having an abortion that the fetus is not just a "blob of tissue" or "mass of cells" (which is what Planned Parenthood and other abortion clinics refer to the fetus as.) I know how easy it is to allow yourself to believe that the "product of conception" is only a small blob. I believed it when I was pregnant and made an appointment to have an abortion. I wrestled, too, with what to do. I ended up cancelling the appointment. I cannot tell you in words how grateful I am that I made that decision.
You'll be in my prayers, Su.
Sharon
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