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Subject:

Sad, alone, confused and hurt...please help

Author:
Su (Confused)

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Date Posted: 03/27/09 12:59pm
In reply to: Su 's message, "Sad, alone, confused and hurt...please help" on 02/19/09 7:27am

Hi everyone,
Just thought I would drop by and leave an update and ask for a little advice. As I have written before I decided to keep the baby. I am now 15 weeks! My mother has become more accepting of it and the father I guess has too. He wants to come to my sonogram appoinments which I was fine with at first but in those first two appointments he made me greatly regret it. The first sonogram I had when I was still unsure about keeping it and I can only assume the woman who did the sonogram was pro-life because she was very happy about it all and I felt so guilty that i silently cried during and after the sonogram. In the room he look aggravated and I asked him if he was OK and he said he didnt want to talk about it there. Once out side he let lose yelling at me that I knew it would be like that and why did I have the sonogram if I wasnt sure if I was keeping it or not. I tried to explain that the Doctor said wether I decided to keep the baby or not I needed to have sonogram done to see how far long I was but he would barely let me speak. The second sonogram he went to he spent the entire time 6 feet away from me and texting, IMing and taking phone calls from people on his cell. Then simply dropped me off at the train to go home alone. He's acted to uncareingly towards me and said horrible things to me that at this point I dont even want him around me. I've started having panic attacks and spotting blood(nothing heavy so the Doc said not to worry to much the baby seems fine) and when I was talking to him daily I would barely eat beacuse of the stress he kept putting on me. I finally let lose on him and told him he ruined my chances at a normal life (I have HPV 11) and I told him I didnt want to talk to him and that all I ever wanted was a simple friendship and peace between us(something he refused to have with me) so our child wouldnt see his parents hating each other and fake friendlyness between its parents but now that wouldnt be possible because of the person hes made me into. Neither of us grew up in the best home setting and I wanted my children to not grow up seeing the things I did and he wanted the same but it seems now this child will. My daughter is mine, her father comes in and out of her life and at the moment he claims he wants to be part of her life more (we'll see). My question is should I allow the father of my unborn child to come to the sonogram and other appointments? Or should I trust my choice in avoiding him until the baby is born? I'll let him know how the appointments went but he has the tendancy of making me feel utterly horrible after every time I have seen him, which leaves me feeling sick to my stomach and not able to eat and when I force myself to eat I end up vomitting. I know this site is about abortions but I just need a little advice on this. Please help...
Thank you,
Su

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Replies:

[> [> Subject: Re: Sad, alone, confused and hurt...please help

Author:
leah
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Date Posted: 03/27/09 9:57pm

Hi Su, I think you already have the answer figured out yourself,you did not mention one positive thing about him being there,he's acting very selfish and it is impacting you emotionally and physically. He's leaching your good energy please stay strong for your baby and your daughter.

How is your support system,do you have a close friend who could go with you to your appointments or someone you find to be a support? Is there anyone who you can just go for coffee with and chat and laugh? These are important times for you and you deserve to have someone happy and supportive to share with.

Good for you for wanting the best for your kids,of course you do...stay strong and don't forget that. The babies father is being disrespectful so those are qualities children pick up on including your daughter. You don't have to put up with his attitude toward you. He was verbally and emotionally abusive to you,please talk with someone about this,it is damaging and impacts you more than you will know.

Believe in yourself and look in the mirror every single day and tell yourself that you are strong and beautiful and worthy of so much more.

How are things going otherwise are you getting rest and eating ok? I am happy you posted I was wondering about you!

Hugs

[> [> Subject: Re: Sad, alone, confused and hurt...please help

Author:
Heather
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Date Posted: 03/27/09 10:33pm

Hi Su!

I think this site is as much for support of women as it is about abortion in particular, and I'm glad you unloaded a little.

I think if the baby's father is making you so uncomfortable during the sonograms, it's not a bad solution to simply go yourself. Or a third option is that you could let him know simply what the options are; that you'd like his presence if he's okay with being there and ok respecting you while you're there, but if he still has issues or feels stressed out that you'll be ok going alone.

15 weeks! Boy that flew by; you'll be feeling him/her moving around inside you soon. Do you intend to find out the gender?

Having been through some tumultuous times myself and knowing how they can disrupt the peace in your life, I know there's not a whole lot in human words or wisdom that can make the stress go away, but please know that you have a bunch of women here who are on your side and support you. :)

And also that the same God who made you and your baby unique as you both are is able to supply the grace you need to make it from day to day.

Take good care of yourself!

Love,

Heather

[> [> Subject: Re: Sad, alone, confused and hurt...please help

Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 03/28/09 2:03am

Su,

So good to hear from you!

I think you already know the answer. I wouldn't have him near me if I were you, not until he starts acting decently. You can resolve not to let your children experience the abuse you suffered, but with him in the picture, I think that would be very difficult. You need to be concentrating on renewing your own heart, and at best, he will be a distraction. At worst, he could keep you from being able to do that.

There may be a natural remedy that will deal with HPV. Off the top of my head, given that it's a virus, first place I'd personally turn would be Bentonite. I'd take it internally a few times (about a tsp of liquid) and I'd figure out how to pack my cervix with a poultice of it. Most likely, powdered Bentonite blended with some kind of salve (I'd have to do some research here) might work. Anyway, that's off the top of my head, and just speculation. I'll bet, though, that you could find information online. Colloidal silver might also be helpful, but don't overdo that because it can cause the skin to develop a grayish tone. But for a couple of weeks, a normal dose should be OK. I'm not an authority; I'm just giving you my opinion, so take it for what it's worth. By Googling HPV and "natural remedies" and "herbs" you might be able to find out something. Find a natural healer who can help you. Medical science doesn't know how to help you, but natural remedies DO work. I am living testimony of that.

Your baby's father will be the real man who comes into your life and cherishes all three of you. If you hang around this baby's sperm donor, that person won't come into your life. That's why I personally think you should distance yourself from him. There are several women here who have found such a man, and you can, too.

There are also remedies that may help with stress. Keep an eye on the spotting, and I'll think about that next time you write.

Please stick around and talk to us often. We love to talk to you.

Hugs,
Pat