Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 12/27/07 9:28pm
Hi, Teresa,
I am very glad you came.
It sounds to me like the only reason you are considering abortion is because the father wants you to have one. He has NO RIGHT to make that demand of you. He took a chance. He can walk away from it, but you can't.
I know you are concerned about financial situations. But it is obvious that it's not your choice to have an abortion. You have said you would be devastated. If you don't want an abortion, don't have one!
I don't know if your faith is Christian or Jewish or not. If it is, then you know that babies are a gift from God, and they're made in God's image. This puts you in the position of considering whether or not to refuse God's gift, and attack His image. The consideration of having an abortion is at war with your faith. If you are Muslim, you already know that abortion is wrong as well.
If I were you, I'd tell the father it isn't his decision to make, it's yours.
Your baby is depending on you for your protection. Please protect your baby!
To deal with the financial problems, there are a couple of possibilities. At some point you will have to make a decision between two courses of action, but at the moment is not the time to make this decision. I'm talking about whether to place your baby for adoption, or to parent your baby yourself. Just know that there are options that will allow you to protect your baby and provide for him or her. Even though the thing you have investigated is expensive, it's not the only possibility. Caring for a baby isn't all that expensive. You probably have to work, so you think you need to have day care. But there may be other options for both thoughts.
If you want to parent, there are places where you can get help. Go to www.pregnancycenters.org and look for a crisis pregnancy agency in your area. They can and will help you find the financial answers you need. There are many programs available. Commit yourself to not taking any more risks. Unless I miss my guess, having taken the risk in the forst place is also against your faith. If you now make the decision to take care of your baby, you will have a worthwhile occupation. Your boyfriend is just a user. No woman should be asked to put herself at risk for such a life-changing event just so a man can have some pleasure. For you, how does 15 minutes of pleasure weigh enough to take that kind of chance?
I tell women that water-skiing is a wonderful sport, that it is good and right. But only a fool would try to water-ski in the dead of winter, because if you fall in the water, you can become seriously ill. There is a time and a place to water-ski. In the same way, taking the risk of pregnancy is a wonderful thing if done at the time and place to do so. You deserve to be in a relationship with a man who will commit to you and cherish you before you take that chance. Anybody who asks you to take that chance outside of a committed relationship is a user. Maybe you approached him. In that case, he has the responsibility to refuse. I hope this makes sense.
In the meantime, you have a baby. The idea that you think of the baby you will hold and care for is a common idea, and perfectly normal and all right. The baby you are carrying will be that older child someday. What you are carrying now isn't some strange creature, but a very young child, with whom you have already bonded, though you may not be consciously aware of it. I think on one level you are, because you don't want to harm your baby. You have time to prepare. We will help you and stand by you. Feel free to come here any time you need to talk. We love you both.
I hope this helps.
Hugs,
Pat
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