Re: not sure how to handle this -- Unplanned Pregnancy Advice Board

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Subject: Re: not sure how to handle this

Author:
Jackson

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Date Posted: 11/ 3/07 9:47am
In reply to: Jackson 's message, "not sure how to handle this" on 10/29/07 3:36pm

hey rwr,

as crazy as this all is,its nice to know that someone is going through the exact same thing. i am the type of person that really needs to talk these things through. its hard for my girlfriend and i to talk about it cause we are trying to stay positive and be strong for each other.

i think the worst is trying to stay focused on the positive of it all. i start to get excited about it and then i'll crash from that feeling and get upset and think why me and that everything would be so awesome and i would be so happy right now if this didn't happen. i guess thats in the worst case scenerio.

i guess it all comes down to fear though, fear of being responsible for someone else's life. i've always thought i was too selfish to have a child. i still wonder if i'm not. i just don't want to resent the situation. i don't want my child brought up in something like that.

its strange cause i always talk so much to friends and family about things that are going on in my life. now when the biggest thing happens, i can't seem to tell anyone. its like i don't want to believe its real. so i really haven't talked to anyone about it. i'm sort of half scared about what they are going to say. and i don't want it to come out of my mouth in a negative tone.

i wonder about the marriage thing as well. although i'm just really not going to worry about it for right now. it seems too much to even think about right now.

i'm thinking its time though to really talk to someone. i don't think i can wait 3 months before i really confide in someone close to me. do all of you wait 3 months to tell anyone?

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[> [> Subject: Re: not sure how to handle this

Author:
RWR
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Date Posted: 11/ 3/07 12:27pm

I talked to a couple of my friends and I told my mom right away. I thought that if something happened to me or Cindy it would be good for my family to know what our situation is. I am hesitant to tell anyone else though. Same reasons as you. If I start telling people then it is real and I am not sure that I want to explain to everyone what the plans are. If you have people you trust I would tell them. Both of my buddies were amazingly supportive.

I have a question though. Cindy has been all over the place with her emotions as have I. Last night we got into a heated conversation around how I was going to address things with the company I work for (I am a VP and everything you do is public and judged.) Anyway I said that I was not sure that I wanted to tell them about the marriage and incoming baby and she got sooo mad. I tried to calm her down but it just escalated into a fight. Her last words to me were "if you are ashamed of me and this situation we can just get it terminated." She apoligized this morning but it was a pretty sobering moment. How do I handle stuff like this? I want to be supportive, but I want a partner to help me with some of decisions I have to make too?! Is that unfair? And as a side note both of our parents have pretty much both said in a passive aggressive manner that marriage before this child is born is important. Another stressful addition to an already complex situation. I feel completely, entirely overwhelmed.