Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 01/ 5/08 12:43pm
Guy,
I'm more awake now.
Let me tell you a couple of stories that will illustrate why I think your ex can have her baby. The first one is about when I got my college degree. At the time, my husband cared for the children a few hours a week so I could go to class. I also had a babysitter on campus for one course (two hours a week), and for one of our children, we used day care a few hours a week. By the time I got my degree, we had four children, three of them preschoolers. So I know that with a little bit of child care help, it can be done, because I did it.
The other one concerns one of our grandsons. He was born from a casual affair. They were only together for a few weeks. We didn't even find out about him until he was 17 months old. Talk about how disappointed I was not to know about him! Anyway, there was never any question about him being just another of our grandchildren. (We currently have six). The two of them are friends, but so far, it hasn't gone any further than that. But they are taking excellent care of him. He's healthy, and he's a good boy, and a delight to be around. They take turns taking care of him while the other one is working. Occasionally, her sisters take care of him. Obviously, it isn't an ideal situation, but it's working, And they are both pursuing their lives.
You should both go to a crisis pregnancy agency. You can find one in your area by going here: www.pregnancycenters.org They can help you make arrangements for the things that are difficult for you. At the very least, she owes it to you both to make the attempt to see how it can be worked out. Two other options would be for her to place your baby for adoption, or for you to take physical custody.
There are many people who are doing one or another of these.
On the other hand, abortion is dangerous for women. It can cause horrible emotional and spiritual problems, it can maim a woman for life or even kill her. Abortion facilities by and large don't come close to being decent clinics by any health standards. A woman who has an abortion has a heightened risk of getting breast cancer, which in this case usually occurs in a woman's 40's, and 1/4 of the women die from it. It can cause a future child to be born very prematurely, which can cause damage to the brain, and increases a woman's chances of having a child with cerebral palsy. That sort of thing is a major life-altering event. She already has a child. It will cause him insecurity, because one way or another, he'll know about it on some level. It will make it harder for her to be a good mother.
No wonderful goal for one's life or career justifies this kind of assault on a woman, or on her child. Life isn't that simple anyway. An abortion is forever. You can't take it back. There is no sense on her pursuing this horrible solution and ruining her life, because it LOOKS easy. And complications and damage can happen to anyone, no matter how certain she is that she wants an abortion. I wouldn't wish that off on my dog. She should look at the ultrasound of her baby. The crisis pregnancy agency often can do one so she can see. She needs to find out as much as she can about your baby's development and about what abortion does. The more she knows, the more satisfied she will be with whatever course of action she takes.
We love all three of you, and we don't want to see her get hurt. So the important thing is not to give your consent or acquiesce. Just because you don't have a legal position doesn't mean you don't have the right to protect your child, and certainly as a man, you have the desire. That's obvious. So let her know how you really feel. She may think this is just her decision, and legally it is, but this decision will affect two other people, as well as your family members.
We will continue to pray for you. Feel free to come back, no matter what she does. And if she needs anything, she is welcome as well.
Take care,
Pat
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