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Subject: Im so alone and scared!!! Author: mere (sad) [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 07/16/08 5:28am I am new here. I am in my late 30's, separated and have 2 children from my previous marriage. They are so wonderful!! I recently started dating a man for the past couple of months who seemed to be decent and treated me well. I just found out im pregnant, 6 1/2 weeks along. It has been made clear at this pt in his life he does not want to have a baby, not knowing me for very long and at his age he just doesnt want this. What I dont understand is if he didnt want this then why didnt he take more precaution as im of course 1/2 to blame. My Family doesnt know and if they did there would be absolutly no support emotionally etc!! This I know! I have learned who my friends are and who I thought was isnt...Im truly alone in this and really could use a friend and advice. Financially speaking Im not sure that this could work. I know if i did have the security of being secure this wouldnt be an issue. The other issue I have is that i was in 2 car accidents and have been on pain meds for awhile. Ive been weaning off but im still not sure if ive done any damage to this life growing inside of me. Im growing attatched everydayto this baby and noone understands that aspect but im sure you all do. Im so scared and confused...I could really use some advice. I know in the end its my decision but I dont think I could live with myself if I never meet my baby!! thanks for taking the time in advance to respond to me.... [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[> Subject: Re: Im so alone and scared!!! Author: Pat [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 07/23/08 12:03am Mere, I am so sorry nobody has responded to you yet. Your story sounds familiar. I do think I did respond to you someplace else. I think I told you that you are no longer alone, because we are here for you. Unfortunately, I don't check this board that often. And I think people have been on vacation. I was for two weeks. Since I got back, I've been up to my eyeballs in projects. I hope by now that you are comfortable with your motherhood. But know that we are here for you, and will support you all the way. I wouldn't worry too much about your pain meds. Either they will make it impossible your baby to live, or your baby will probably be fine. There are no guarantees, and even mothers who have done everything right still worry. It sounds like the father turned out not to be so decent, at least for the moment. He has effectively abandoned you emotionally. He might come around, so give him some space. You are aware in your body of your pregnancy. He doesn't have that. So it will take longer for him to come to grips with it. His long-term reaction will tell you what kind of character he has. I hope you have decided to allow yourself to meet your baby. It is the most wonderful thing in the world. We can help with financial resources. Let us know what your needs are. There are agencies out there that will provide for your specific needs. Hugs, Pat

[> Subject: Re: Im so alone and scared!!! Author: Sharon [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 07/24/08 2:51pm Mere, I posted a response to you and Lily and Enny on Lily's thread... Sharon

[> [> Subject: Re: Im so alone and scared!!! Author: Sharon [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 07/25/08 6:48am Oops! I meant I posted it on Teresa's thread, not Lily's! Sorry for the confusion ;-) So, here's a copy of it: My heart goes out for all of you who are facing an unexpected pregnancy without the encouragement and support of the father! I want to add one bit of advice: I don't know if any of you are leaning this way, but don't EVER think that having an abortion to make the father "happy" will benefit your relationship in the long run. It almost always happens that the father leaves, too. Then, you have the burden on your heart of having killed your own child AND you no longer have the father there to support you in "your decision". There are a few relationships I know of where the father stayed and the BOTH of them regret the abortion, especially when they later have more children. They both have to live with the fact that they aborted their first child... Also, if finances are an issue, be sure to contact your county nurse to get onto the WIC (Women Infants and Children) program. It has a very high income ceiling (you can make quite a bit of money and still be eligible for it) and provides you with vouchers for all sorts of healthy food like cheese, milk, juice, iron-fortified cereal, peanut butter, beans, etc. It will even provide you with formula for a year if you decide to bottle-feed your baby - or with food for you for a year if you decide to nurse. And then it will provide your little one with food until he or she is 5! It's a fantastic program. There are programs designed to provide medical and financial assistance for pregnant women and for children. In fact, I found that (and I wasn't planning it, by any means!) I was a lot better off financially WHEN I was pregnant and with a little baby than I had been BEFORE I was pregnant ;-) The father of my son wanted me to have an abortion. I actually even had an appointment for an abortion. I ended up cancelling it, though, and words can't describe how grateful I am that I did. That was 29 years ago. Now, my son and his girlfriend are expecting a baby in October!!! It's chilling to think that my son's life and his child's life were in my hands as I made "my" choice. I don't think that things happen by accident: I think it was meant to be that every one of you found this board and posted here... I'll be saying a prayer for you and for your little ones - and for your partners, that they would come to see the incredible gift that they are being given. Sharon

[> [> [> Subject: Re: Im so alone and scared!!! Author: Kellyjude [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 07/27/08 12:20pm If you are already feeling attached to this baby then you need to keep your baby. There are a lot of resources I am sure that would be able to help you. Please just don't make a decision you may later on regret. I am an adoptive mom to a beautiful 3 year old son. Our son's birth mom made her courageous and loving choice however she felt this was right for her and says she has no regrets. From reading your post I think you should follow your heart and keep your baby.

[> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Im so alone and scared!!! Author: Dee (Stronger than you know) [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 07/29/08 7:31pm All I can say is you don't want to go through with the abortion. I did and believe me the fright you feel right now is nothing compared to the pain (emotionally) and guilt than you'll feel later. It never goes away. We women are stronger than we think we are. Dig down deep inside yourself. Be strong, ask God for help and if it means a family member raising your baby or adoption so be it. But don't have the abortion. Please and God Bless You and your baby in each and every way.