Re: Having an abortion tomorrow -- Unplanned Pregnancy Advice Board

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Subject: Re: Having an abortion tomorrow

Author:
Pat

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Date Posted: 10/11/07 2:11pm
In reply to: Alison 's message, "Having an abortion tomorrow" on 10/11/07 12:06pm

Hi, Alison!

Oh, this whole thing is a heartbreaker!

But if you don't want an abortion, DON'T HAVE ONE! There are other answers. First, please go to a crisis pregnancy agency and ask for help. Don't keep your appointment tomorrow. It will cause immeasurable harm to your daughter, whether she knows what's wrong or not. And it could kill you or cause you to become disabled. Abortion is NOT safe!

Here's a place where you can find a center near you:

www.pregnancycenters.org

There are ways to cut off his parental rights. You should talk to a lawyer. The pregnancy center should help you with finding one who will help you. And if there are court proceedings, I'd tell the court what he is doing to you, the threats he is making, the lies he is telling, and so forth. Is he being prosecuted for the child abuse? Talk to the prosecutor! Some states have laws about abandonment, by the way, that can be used to cut off his parental rights.

You don't know what your parents will do. It's easy to assume the worst, but most parents will be upset at first, and then they become very supportive.

Take the situation one step at a time. If he is charged and tried, you can offer what your daughter told you to the prosecutor. If he does face criminal charges, that might be the easiest way to cut off his parental rights. If you think you can make a case that he did abuse your daughter, then talk to the county attorney (or whoever the appropriate official might be) about filing a complaint, and seek an injunction or protective order to keep him away from both of you.

Don't give up. FIGHT BACK! We will be praying for you. Having an abortion will NOT help your daughter. Instead, it will cause anxiety and make it much harder for you to mother her. There's NO EXCUSE for letting yourself be harmed just because your daughter was. There is a better answer.

We'll be here for you all the way. Come anytime you need to talk, rant, ask questions, or whatever. Keep in touch. We will be here for you no matter what. Don't let this man's hate deprive your unborn child of life itself. We love all three of you.

Hugs,
Pat

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[> [> Subject: Re: Having an abortion tomorrow

Author:
Alison
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Date Posted: 10/11/07 3:26pm

I talked to the investigators again today, and they told me he would have rights to the child, regardless. My daughter is scared to death of him, and the thought of him even having supervised visits sickens me.

And believe me, none of you know my parents, I know they would kick me out almost immediately and never speak to me again. And this is despite knowing that the abortion will be dangerous for me. I have lupus and have problems with clotting. I had a lot of problems with bleeding after my daughter was born. I just feel defeated, and like this is the only option if I don't want to be completely alone. :(

[> [> [> Subject: Re: Having an abortion tomorrow

Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 10/11/07 11:10pm

Hi, Alison,

Thanks so much for your reply!

If you have problems with clotting, an abortion could be life-threatening for you!

Seriously! DON'T DO IT! I don't want YOU to get hurt!

As for the investigators, don't rely on their word. See a lawyer! Seriously.

As for your parents, you could be right. However, I'm betting that they will come around eventually. If not, there are other people who will be here for you. Your daughter first of all, and there is a decent man out there who will cherish you. That's true of almost everyone. And there are other people in your community who will care for you and befriend you if you let them.

Go to the crisis pregnancy agency in your area. They can help you. These problems are not impossible. They just seem like it. You are in a panic right now, and you can't make good decisions when you are in a panic. At the very least, postpone your appointment so you have time to think. Get some counseling, either from an agency in your area, or online. Please! Your life is at stake. What's the point of worrying about being alone if the abortion kills you? Hemorrhage is EXTREMELY COMMON after abortion, and if you have problems with clotting, it is a very, very dangerous thing to do!

No, the father will NOT automatically have rights to the child. That's why you need to talk to a lawyer. You have months to work out a way to get rid of him. The crisis pregnancy agency WILL help. And yes, a molester can be cut out of your daughter's life. Also go to victim-witness and talk to them!

Good luck with this. We will be here for you, offering help and comfort, and we can get resources for you. The agency can help you find a place to live. There are places for people in your position. And there are agencies for women who are being abused (and you are) but be careful, because they sometimes give medical advice they're not qualified to give (such as go have an abortion).

DON'T let people push you into something that will possibly take your life. Don't leave your DAUGHTER alone! If the abortion kills you, you know EXACTLY who will get her. She NEEDS you to fight for her!

We will continue to pray for you.

Hugs,
Pat