Re: New Here...Feeling Alone and Scared -- Unplanned Pregnancy Advice Board

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Subject: Re: New Here...Feeling Alone and Scared

Author:
luka

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Date Posted: 06/20/07 5:06am
In reply to: Laurel 's message, "New Here...Feeling Alone and Scared" on 06/19/07 10:43pm

Oh man do i know how you feel! I have been there before i'm just a little further down the road. Nothing you have written is wrong or abnormal in any way. I know youre confused about your ex. I realised what confusion really is a while ago now. Confusion usually stems from wanting one thing but knowing another if you get my meaning. It's like not wanting to accept the truth about a situation and your hopeful heart desperately trying to convince you that what you want is or could be a reality. A struggle between the mind and the heart. Your heart wants to be with your ex when he's 'normal'. It wants a family or at the very least to feel supported and encouraged by your babys father, and to believe that he can be all that you and your baby would want and need. He may indeed embody that in his normal moments. Your head says well i know the score here he's nice now but eventually i will be back to the turmoil of being with this depressed self absorbed man. As an outsider i can see how damaging it would be for your child to grow up in such a difunctional envirnonment and i think youre right to question the validity of going back with him. It's really really sad for you all but unless and untill i saw some sort of stabilty in your ex i would be keeping some pretty firm boundaries between the two of you. I am a single mom too and youre right it is a struggle but it's lovely far more than it is difficult. I think you could possibly let your ex go shopping with you and buy things for the baby , you want to encourage the normalcy in him and foster a good healthy relationship between him and your baby. But i would be firm about not accepting his prior treatment and keeping a distance emotionally untill he appears to be on the mend long term. YOu have to take care of yourself now more than ever. I can tell that youre a caring person and will make a wonderful mother, but also one who too easily puts others before herself. As a mother your proirity needs to be your child. Let the well being of your baby (and his/her mother) be your compass.

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Re: New Here...Feeling Alone and Scared

Author:
Tracey
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Date Posted: 06/20/07 1:30pm

Laurel~
Hello and welcome! It sounds like you have a thousand emotions running through your brain all at once. It's great that you are seeking help and advice. You need to get your emotions out and talk...it's not good to keep everything bottled up and to yourself.

Your ex sounds like he's having a ton of issues himself. It's probably good you distance yourself as much as possible until he gets help or at least begins seeking it. It sounds as if his injury has caused this roller coaster of emotions for him and he needs help figuring a way to cope and deal with his fears, depression, and anxiety. Some people try to, "White knuckle" it and just grit their teeth and deal. The problem is that this is just no way to live...always fearing what emotion is lurking just beneath the surface. Seeking help can help him in coping and treating his illness instead of just acting like it doesn't exist and being miserable. In times like these, "tough love" is often necessary. Explaining to him that you love and care about him, but need to be able to depend on him emotionally and not fear how he will respond when you need him the most. And that you need him AND his child needs him...but the most important thing you need from him is stability and the best way to gain this is by seeking help to treat his problems and depression.

And you need to take care of YOU as well! This kind of stress isn't good for you or the baby! That being said, we want to offer any help or advice we can. Please let us know your needs, so that we can better help. If you need counseling or baby items, or all of the above, we can find resources in your area to assist you. Just let us know. You have found a safe and supportive place...feel free to post anytime as often as you like. Please continue to come back and keep us posted! You, your ex, and your little one will be in my prayers!
God bless,
Tracey