Questions and Venting... -- Unplanned Pregnancy Advice Board

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Subject: Questions and Venting...

Author:
Laurel

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Date Posted: 07/ 6/07 12:34pm

Hi, everyone, I had a quick question and also I need to vent a little bit. I have Medicaid, so my medical bills are covered, but I don't know if it covers counseling. I'm having a hard time finding a crisis pregnancy center around my neck of the woods (I did find a place nearby that helps with baby supplies for free), and all I really need now is just someone to talk to that will understand. I know there are sliding scale and such places around here that do counseling, but would I have to get a referal from my doctor to see one? The further into my pregnancy I get the more scared I get. I never thought I would end up putting myself in this boat. I wanted to wait and have kids when I knew it was a good time and everything was stable. I feel like I have let my child down by not doing this. I went to visit some family in TN for the 4th but didnt stay long because I had some business to take care of back here in VA. I also gave my ex a ride down there (as a friend!) so he could stay a while and finish up his workman's comp business. I figured since it was on the way it wouldn't hurt, because I have expressly told him to respect my boundaries as far as a platonic relationship is concerned. I have made sure to tell him that things were going to stay the way they are now and I didn't want him to be disappointed by false hope (because now he wants us to be together again). I would just like for us to be friends and have no hard feelings.
When my family found out about it, they freaked. Partially, I can understand this. But they don't believe me when I tell them that there is nothing going on between us and there is not going to be. We were friends for years before we got together. They never have, even since the day we split, even when I didnt talk to him for weeks they didn't seem to believe that. I have never left him before and gone back. If I had, I could understand it a little better. My sister called this morning still wanting to talk to my mom about what I was doing while I was down there (staying with my cousin I haven't seen in 2 years). It upsets me really badly because instead of support, all I get is suspicion and speculation. No one has come to me and said, do you need to talk? or I'm glad you're doing what seems to be best for you. Nothing. Just everytime I leave the house and come back it's where have you been and who did you see, like I'm still a child. I have been back here for over a month and seen my ex maybe 4 times all together, mostly in passing, and all I can think is gee...it sure is nice not to be caught up in all that drama anymore. I still care for him to an extent, but I know every time I see him that I can't go back to that life. Of course part of me wants us to be a family, but we can't with the way things are with him. And yes, it hurts, a lot, and I'm trying hard to keep my head up and do the right thing. Only the, people around me won't believe me, and it hurts more on top of everything else. I would LOVE to go to counseling, but not sure how to go about it. Any suggestions? Thanks!! Laurel

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Replies:

[> Subject: Re: Questions and Venting...

Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 07/ 6/07 3:40pm

Hi, Laurel,

I have a few ideas. First of all, you are on the right track, and you should think first of being answerable to God and yourself, rather than your family. Obviously, if they would support you, this would be very helpful. But I guess they concluded that they can't trust you because of things you have done in the past, and that's really hard to live down. You have to re-establish trust, and that is never easy. If you could have some frank talks with them, and tell them how you perceive it and how it is hurting you and making it more difficult for you, maybe they would listen, maybe not. It can't hurt to try. Well, it can, because they can refuse to cut you some slack. Tell them you have turned over a new leaf, and you need their help.

It should be possible to find counseling. Your best bet may be to contact someone here: www.pregnancycenters.org . They can either point you to a center in your area, or they can give you online counseling.

Please feel free to come back any time and vent or ask questions. I am concerned that you feel things are getting harder. I don't want it to be that way for you. Do you have plans for how you will be able to take care of the extra responsibility of having a child? Do you need resources? Let us know what your needs are, and why you are becoming more frightened.

As for letting your child down, circumstances happen. You are protecting your child. That is the most important thing you can do. The rest of it will come. Look for someone who will cherish you both. Make yourself available for that person to find you. One of the first clues, to my mind, is whether or not they seek to sleep with you. If they do, they may just be users, no matter how kind they seem on the surface. It's a man's responsibility to protect the woman he's with from his own desire to exploit her sexually. If you can weed out the losers, then the ones who are left are possible candidates for a more committed relationship. You won't be wasting your time on a dead end situation.

I hope this helps.

Hugs,
Pat

[> Subject:

Re: Questions and Venting...

Author:
Tracey
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Date Posted: 07/ 7/07 9:18am

Laurel~
Hello and good to hear from you! I'm sorry you have to be going through all this with your family. It is probably for the best that you live in another state. I completely agree with Pat..you are protecting your child and this is the MOST important thing! I saw that you said you live in Virginia, but what part? I can give you a list of centers in your area as soon as you let me know. I think it'd be really good to be able to talk to someone. You have a lot going on right now...lots of thoughts and emotions and it's not good to keep everything bottled up. You need a chance to vent and then be able to get another opinion and come up with a way of handling and dealing with all these emotions and feelings. It's great that you are coming here as well. Sometimes though it's good to hear someone's voice or see someone in person. So, let me know what part of Virginia you live in and I'll post the centers.
You and your little one continue to be in my prayers, Laurel. We are here any time you need to talk.
God bless,
Tracey

[> Subject: Re: Questions and Venting...

Author:
Lori
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Date Posted: 07/ 7/07 10:51am

Hi Laurel,

I agree with Pat, you are on the right track. If your family isn't supportive right now then don't focus on them. You need to be positive and in order to do this you need to be around positive people.

I know a little about what your going through and I know what got me through. It seems that when your in this type of situation everyone turns away from you so to speak and you feel really alone. I think this is one of the reasons why I got into a really close relationship with God and for that I'm so thankful. God was the only one that I could always depend on to be there for me especially when things seemed dark and gloomy. The only advice I can give is do what you know is right and pray and God will help you through this.

If you call this number 1-800-395-4357 , they will help you find a pregnancy center closest to you!

Please feel free to email me anytime if you want to talk. If your ever in NC send me a email! Your in my thoughts and prayers.

Take Care,
Lori

[> Subject: Thanks again!

Author:
Laurel
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Date Posted: 07/ 7/07 8:50pm

Thanks again for all your help everyone! I clicked on the link Pat gave me and found a center about 45 mins away that has a lot of helpful resources. I guess my biggest concern is finding a job to keep both of us afloat and finding afordable and SAFE childcare. I know sometimes the state will help with childcare costs, so I will look into that. I know I just need to buckle down and take care of things, its just that I've felt so burned out mentally and emotionally for quite a while now that it just seems harder. I know I can do it when the situation calls for it, I've done it before. Your encouragement really helps to motivate me to find the strength to suck it up once again. Thanks again to all and take care!!

[> [> Subject: Re: Thanks again!

Author:
Heather
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Date Posted: 07/ 8/07 9:38am

Hi Laurel,

I know what you mean about the emotional and physical burn out thing. Thank goodness our lives have changing seasons!

I'm really glad you were able to find a Pregnancy Resource Center somewhat close, even if it's 45 minutes. I think it will be extremely worth it to go as they can help you right there with getting set up with every conceivable resource to you from the state, in addition to all of their free services.

Don't neglect the basic of taking good care of yourself! Extra sleep, good nourishment and patient expectations of yourself right now are definitely in order.

With Kindness,

Heather