Re: The Great Debate -- Unplanned Pregnancy Advice Board

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Subject: Re: The Great Debate

Author:
luka

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Date Posted: 08/31/06 3:26pm
In reply to: Heather 's message, "Re: The Great Debate" on 08/30/06 11:52pm

Yeah i agree it is disturbing... I think what the focus should be on helping understand whats really happening they need to hear from women who have had an abortion and come to regret it. Thats what is never mentioned in the media and it really needs to be addressed. Reading that article was horrible.. It's so hard to think about but it's totally true the atmosphere in those abortion clinics i still remember vividly and i was crying as i was getting myself onto the operating table when i went for one of my terminations and nobody seemed terribly concerned about it. It's never been a question for me of wether or not abortion clinics care they don't go out of their way to pretend that they do either.
On a lighter note my baby is kicking and tumbling around inside of me almost all the time now. There are regular paterns of activity and quiet, sometimes i wonder what on earth he is doing because the movements feel very quick. I know he's probably still quite small but i feel his movements so clearly he seems bigger to me than he probably is. I wish i had an idea of just how big he was now compared to some common household item just so i had an idea. Anyway i think it's safe to say that he is very healthy and strong in there :) and Phew! after all of my recent research on abortion it just makes me so happy to know that i didn't succumb to the pressures of his father to have him killed. I know i could have said abortion but the fact is that he would have died if i had one, i prefer to use plain english. I remember the first abortion i ever had was forced by my mother the susequent was because the babys father (funny, it was same father of the baby i am pregnant to now) refused to talk to me about it. Stopped being affectionate emotionally abandned me, hung me out to dry. I accepted this treatment at the time because i had been abandoned so many times i was simply afraid to be alone literally alone with literally nothing and no one. I was very young and there was nobody around who cared about me or my baby to tell me otherwise. Based on my experiences it's my opinion that when forced into having an abortion at a young age it almost sets a precedent that an unplanned pregnancy should and could be aborted. It's horrible. Because in your mind untill you do it it seems like something you can just go and do, but afterwards and right before there is this sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach some call it conscience or intuition or various other things. I was also abused sexually as a child. I had no solid concept for what was right or wrong then either but i do remember that same horrible gut feeling that erodes from the inside like poison. I believe regardless of what we are taught we have an inbuilt abilty, an innate sense of what is truely right and wrong or not even right or wrong i just can't think of a better word right now.. But you know what i mean. I think sometimes our bodies give us signals and our minds get all tangled up in logic and debates. I mean some would argue that a woman in my circumstances cannot afford to have another baby much less to a man who doesn't love me or the baby. But i know i can do it and it can be ok and keeping my baby is the only thing sat sits right with my head and heart. Thats not to say that it won't be difficult at times (which can be said for someone in apparently better circumstances), I am prepared for that. I know what i am getting myself into and it is absolutley worth doing. I have no horrible sinking feeling in my stomach about my decision. It feels good and my mind is not cluttered with the confusion and heartache that comes with thinking on any level that i should have my baby aborted. I think confusion is only really denial in disguise. Confusion usually comes from know what the right thing to do is but not wanting to do it through fear or whatever and then trying to convince yourself of what others want you to do.

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Author:
Heather
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Date Posted: 08/31/06 8:16pm

Hi Luka,

I agree it's disturbing. I think what really concerns me at times is the promotion of the idea by the abortion industry that 'anti-choicers' are obsessed with only the baby and don't have the best interests of the woman at heart. And here you read from an ex-abortionist what can already be surmised about how very calloused and degradingingly they regard women.

All the clinics set up for abortion alternatives that I've observed contain women helping women, quietly behind the scenes, WITHOUT BEING PAID the big bucks that the abortion industry pays out to it's employees but instead volunteer their time to support women who choose life. They're there because they genuinely care about the woman and her baby.

My husband and I are board members of a local pro-life organization in our city and the motto underneath the simple logo for our group says 'Love Them Both.' I also agree with the positive focus in the motto of the Feminists for Life website - "Women Deserve Better." Yet despite this reality that I see evidenced among dear women and men everywhere who are part of the pro-life community, I continue to hear us in the media as 'anti-choice extremists.' Go figure!

I agree also with the quote that abortion has done more to liberate men than women. By sweet-talking or flat out pressuring a woman they've had sex with to abort the evidence of it, they are able to play around much more without taking on the responsibility aspect of sex. And it's the woman who must undertake the abortion and live out her life with the effects of it. I'm not anti-men at all, lol. I just think it's far too enticing of an 'easy exit' for many that put their lust before the genuine well-being of the woman. Women struggle just as much with their own stuff.

Anyway, I'm so thrilled for you that you were able to 'just say NO' lol to this pressure from the biological father and that you are now feeling the movements and experiencing the peaceful resolve you expressed so well in the end of your post. I always enjoy reading your posts and think you're an amazing woman. I really respect you. On the one hand, I can't help but be sorry for the particular abuses and trials you've endured in your relatively young life (hey, we can still call ourselves young, can't we?) but I'm also profoundly thankful for the measure of wisdom these experiences have shaped in you so far.

I can relate about the sudden kicking, wondering what on earth babe could be up to. My first baby, our son, did this to me constantly. He is now 8 and I tell him that when he was in my womb he really had it in for my lowest left rib. He spent the entire pregnancy kicking at it and I kept telling him (in the womb) that he'd really be much better off if he would just move himself instead of trying to move my permanent bone structure, lol. He was relentless. And after kicking at that rib for awhile he'd do little sharp kicks suddenly then go totally quiet. He never gradually started moving. He would wake up and immediately jab which startled me on more than one occassion.

I'm getting sentimental now thinking about that first pregnancy and am remembering the first time I ever felt him move. Since it was my first time being pregnant I was filled with curiosity and anticipation of wondering what it would be like to feel another human being moving around INSIDE you. I kept waiting, trying to feel him in there. Then one day, I was just driving along and I felt 'the butterflies.' I tensed up and wondered if that sensation was what I thought it was. Then it came again, just swirling like butterflies in my belly and I swear it seemed like chorale music started up in my head. I had to pull over to soak in the wonder of it.

But he got over the 'butterfly' stage pretty quick and moved on to the pronounced kicking as soon as he was able, lol.

I love this boy so much now. I thank God often for the good friendship we have. I really enjoy his company and have an easygoing, mutual respect with him that gives us a great relationship.

I'm so happy for you, at the expense of sounding too trite. :)

Heather